No condom? really????

[Delusional Kisses]

So, I met a guy for the first time (after talking for seven months) and one thing led to another and we hooked up. Anyway, he started to insert without a condom...or even a reference to a condom. I stopped him and said "do you have a condom?" and he says "no". Well, lucky for us both, I was prepared and had one and he didn't argue about using it, but I'm still shocked that he would just assume it was okay to have unprotected sex. Should I assume he does this often? Even more reason to use protection with him of course....

[daisy123x]

I think this is a tough one to judge. Sometimes lads just assume girls are on the contraceptive pill and also sometimes its just not as pleasurable for them an they probably expect you to just jump up in the morning an go and get yourself the morning after pill...! Me and my ex boyfriend bumped into eachother in town after a year being split and slept together and he never had anything but i was happy, because i then new he maybe hadnt been sleeping around because he was always safe with us and i thought if he was he would defonitely have condoms, so maybe he just doesnt sleep around. But if its on your mind then maybe you should just get checked to stay on the safe side and you provide the condoms for now unless you are willing and confident enough to maybe ask him why he doesnt use anythin and try and get some answers hope i've helpeddd.

[corrin]

Fair assumption. Was he drinking? Not that that makes it okay. But maybe it explains his impaired judgment.

[R41N]

That just goes to show how irresponsible he can be. I wouldn't be surprised if he had previous hooks up w/o a condom.

Or I could argue that he was in the moment and didn't think with his head but it still raises a red flag in my mind. Just be more cautious with him,, use condom every time but I am sure you already know that.

[CatsMeeoow]

Quite frankly this is a talk you should have had before his little friend was out making his way into you.

 

Good for you for being prepared... Not so good you let it get that far without clear communication. If you are going to be having sex then you need to be able to discuss it... if you can't then you shouldn't be doing the deed.

 

My guess is he is just as uncomfortable talking about as you are... or else you both would have known what to expect. As for his prior sex history... that's one you need to be asking him not the board.

 

Good Luck

[daisy123x]

i agree with corrin drinking could add to it.. and sorry i read over what i wrote i forgot you had used something.

[ibu]

I can't believe people would still have unprotected sex in this day and age.... and especially the first time with someone new. I mean, seriously, I can't wrap my head around it.

 

When I met my "penpal", we had discussed the possibility of us having sex ages in advance, actually as soon as we established there were mutual feelings of something more between us. And he brought up the condom issue himself.

Now I NEVER have sex without a condom (I really do NOT want to get pregnant, for one, and there's the whole STD issue as well), so I was glad we both came well prepared. No surprises or being shocked at all!

[CatsMeeoow]

That just goes to show how irresponsible he can be. I wouldn't be surprised if he had previous hooks up w/o a condom.

Or I could argue that he was in the moment and didn't think with his head but it still raises a red flag in my mind. Just be more cautious with him,, use condom every time but I am sure you already know that.

 

I'm sorry but she is equally irresponsible by assuming he would.... if you have to wait until the guy is putting his poker in your hole before you say "got a condom" you are equally to blame. You need to be asking this before you get naked.

[lumkid0602]

Yes you should assume he does this often & you should never do it unprotected until you both go to the doctor and get checked together. Better safe than sorry. You don't want to end up with something you cant get rid of...and i don't mean a baby!

[abitbroken]

Yes, you should assume he doesn't use one. I would agree with CatsMeeow. In this day and age, it is important to have a conversation before having sex. AIDS, STDs and pregnancy are too big of a risk .quite frankly, a first meeting is way too soon to have sex. You don't really know him at all. Your health and emotions are too important to allow "one thing to lead to another." I would suggest you step back with this guy, unless all you want is a booty call. Have him take you to dinner or do something else that doesn't involve the possibility of sex to get to know this guy a little bit. Luckily, he didn't press on and ignore your condom request...but still...

[Cognitive_Canine]

Honestly, I don't understand men who don't want to protect themselves. While you may have talked online for several months, I hear about guys going in unprotected with women they just met.

 

Just a tip guys....she could very well be crazy and lying about being on the pill. Then you're tied to her forever. If she thankfully doesn't end up pregnant, she could still have an STD.

[HeartGoesOn]

Yes, I certainly would assume that he does that often, he's a stranger, and I would question why you decided to take such a risk.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

So, I met a guy for the first time (after talking for seven months) and one thing led to another and we hooked up. Anyway, he started to insert without a condom...or even a reference to a condom. I stopped him and said "do you have a condom?" and he says "no". Well, lucky for us both, I was prepared and had one and he didn't argue about using it, but I'm still shocked that he would just assume it was okay to have unprotected sex. Should I assume he does this often? Even more reason to use protection with him of course....

 

If you were that taken aback and shocked, I am wondering why you still decided to have sex with him. I know you got caught up in the moment but still, you have now set the precedence that you would be totally responsible for protection. Also, it is quite possible that he was not expecting to have sex on the first date and that is why he did not come prepared..and like you, he got caught up in the moment and didn't want to stop.

[Delusional Kisses]

Well, sex was discussed beforehand, but not "planned". I had sex with him because I wanted to....I like the guy alot and made a choice that I don't regret. I was just perplexed by his lack of contraceptive.

[im sandra dee]

So, I met a guy for the first time (after talking for seven months) and one thing led to another and we hooked up. Anyway, he started to insert without a condom...or even a reference to a condom. I stopped him and said "do you have a condom?" and he says "no". Well, lucky for us both, I was prepared and had one and he didn't argue about using it, but I'm still shocked that he would just assume it was okay to have unprotected sex. Should I assume he does this often? Even more reason to use protection with him of course....

 

Delusional Kisses, something similar happened to me... the guy was about to insert without a condom and didn't even mention a condom... I was shocked because it wasn't our first time... it was our second time and he had used a condom before... in fact, before our first time, he said that he didn't have a condom but I was prepared so we used mine... another thing... after we had sex for the first time, he said wait until we have sex without a condom (maybe it's something he prefers, I dunno)... but I just responded... we always have to use a condom and I told him my reason... I got the sense from him that maybe he doesn't have sex often or if he does, he has sex only in a committed relationship (where no one is theoretically sleeping around).... I doubt in his case that he has unprotected sex often... but OMG if I hadn't been paying attention, then I can't believe what almost happened.... we women always need to be aware of protecting ourselves with a condom... even if he doesn't have STDs, then there is still a risk of pregnancy

[preciousgirl82]

Theres nothing wrong with liking the guy but that doesnt mean you need to give your body to him. You already did it so I wont preach too much. But I really believe that for him to act this way (especially if alcohol wasnt involved) that this is a norm for him. And if it is, who know what type of diseases he can be carrying. i wouldve stopped everything right there! Remember that some STDS can be spread even by use of a condom because bacteria can be spread by pubic hair and the area surrounding the genitals. This day and age we women have to be very choosy about who we sleep with and its not like our grandparents day when you can have sex on the first date just for fun. Disease is spreading like mad these days.

[newwave]

This is very dangerous. You could DIE from things like this. I would never have sex without a condom unless it was my husband, we were both clean and we wanted a baby. Otherwise no way.

[orchidrose]

I'll be honest, when I was younger, I slept with a few guys sans condom. They didn't mention it at all before we went into the bedroom, and things just escalated from there. I've been on birth control since before I was sexually active, and I was a huge hypocrite in that I'm a big supporter of safe sex and making sure that teens get condoms, get tested, etc. I didn't practice what I preached.

 

On a somewhat related note, I was diagnosed with HPV earlier this year. When my boyfriend and I were about to sleep together for the first time, I stopped him to tell him that I had HPV and we discussed condoms. We used them for awhile but now that we're committed and monogamous, we've stopped.

 

So yes, it does happen. So men are immature and some women (like me, back then) are afraid to speak up and advocate for themselves.

[HeartGoesOn]

So yes, it does happen. So men are immature and some women (like me, back then) are afraid to speak up and advocate for themselves.

 

And the traditional term for them would be, "parents."

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Well, sex was discussed beforehand, but not "planned". I had sex with him because I wanted to....I like the guy alot and made a choice that I don't regret. I was just perplexed by his lack of contraceptive.

 

As I said, since sex wasn't planned, it is quite possible he wasn't expecting to have sex on the first date and therefore he did not bring the condom. Not every man assumes he is going to have sex on a first date and would therefore not think of bringing a condom.

[DarkReality]

Hmm, if he's willing to slip it in without one and didn't bring one that means...:

 

- he generally doesn't use one

- prefers not to use one

- doesn't think of what you may have disease wise (I'm not inferring that you have anything but, think about it! What if you had something? Even a yeast infection is transferrable!)

- doesn't worry about you not being on the pill/getting pregnant/using antibiotics

- doesn't care if he has anything that he may knowingly/unknowingly pass onto you.

 

Sure, you can attribute it to the heat of the moment - that surely has ways of blinding you from making proper decisions....but, for me that would be a HUGE turn off for me. I wouldn't have engaged in anything with him & I would make sure that he understands the ground rules for the future (which would include testing because condoms are not 100% effective!)

 

Don't make excuses for him and protect yourself better in the future.

[OptomisticGirl]

It would bother me really if he did that. Even if he assumed you were on BC, it's still something that should be ASKED, not assumed, for both your healths. I had to reassure my fiance constantly that I have fine without him using one (after we both had been tested prior to our 1st time together), men should not just 'assume'.

[Cognitive_Canine]

As I said, since sex wasn't planned, it is quite possible he wasn't expecting to have sex on the first date and therefore he did not bring the condom. Not every man assumes he is going to have sex on a first date and would therefore not think of bringing a condom.

 

That's very true. I don't walk around with condoms on me. I never have them on my person. Typically my boyfriend and I realize we're out (we're always out too since we buy the 3 packs) and we have to make a 'fun' little trip to the store in the middle of the night.

 

We always use condoms (ALWAYS) but, we never have them on us.

 

I would be less concerned that he didn't have a condom (honestly men who carry around condoms are suspicious to me >_>) and more worried that he didn't care that he didn't have a condom.

[Stay_home]

Should I assume he does this often? Even more reason to use protection with him of course....

 

That's not a very good sign, Delusional. You might have to do a little more probing to figure out what's going on. Definitely strap up with anybody, you never know.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Exactly Cognitive_Canine. I would find it disturbing that a guy would actually have a condom with him when going on a first date because I would realize that he really had sex on his mind rather than getting to know someone in person. However, knowing he didn't have a condom he shouldn't have let things go that far.