Dabbled with NC, 4th day into it, and I wake up to an email from him...

[mines]

(((Doom Music)))

 

For my situation no contact is very difficult because I work with my 'ex'.

 

Since he broke things off with me to return to HIS ex, and she is 'The Warden', he has to submit to her going through his phone, contacts, etc. looking for any females. He closed his email account he'd had for a decade and opened a new one 'just for me'. My name in real life - is the name of the address. Well, at least I know he's not talking to other females there. (shrugs)

 

I did write him a few letters there, as I started to process the horrible pain, then reached a point last week where I realized I had told him everything, there was nothing new to report. I still hurt, I still love him, I still miss him. No reason to write until something changed.

 

He was taking last Thursday and Friday off - and with the weekend - that meant four days without seeing him. So I told myself I would not email him at all during this time, and I have kept that promise.

 

Then, waking up today and turning on the laptop to check my facebook and open email and there it was - an email from him. He never emails anyone. He promised to read my mails, said nothing about writing to me. It was only a short note, saying he hoped I was having a nice weekend, that he might take tomorrow off too but would definitely be back to work Tuesday and he would see me soon.

 

Ok, I'm sure the only reason he even thought of me - was because he checked this email box and found the last thing I had written, several days ago. But I am a bit puzzled that he replied. Why did he reply? Is he keeping a 'check' on me to see if I am one of those crazy people who go attack and stalk people after a breakup? Does he think he's helping me ''process'' everything and hopes that I will just disappear eventually? I don't understand.

 

One note from him, took him mere seconds to write and means nothing.

 

Yet this small insignificant note - and I am sitting here analyzing it and trying to get inside his brain and meanwhile he probably shut off his pc and calmly made a sandwich and grabbed a beer for the game.

[iBroken]

I suggest you do the same - Turn off the laptop and go make a sandwich - you really will never know why he sent that email.

 

Sorry

[coolchick64]

I worry that you're being strung along a little here. Not that he's said anything about reconciling, but setting up this special email account for you is a little odd. If I were his gf, I wouldn't like it and I'm sure you wouldn't like it either, if the situation were reversed. It sends the wrong message, like "Okay, I'm back with her again but I don't want to totally lose my connection to you, just in case". Do you really want to play that role?

 

I'm proud of you for going NC this weekend. I'd try to keep it that way from now on. It's bad enough you'll have to see him at work. Why maintain any connection to him outside of work?

[coolchick64]

Can I just add that what he wrote to you was kind of insulting? Am I understanding this correctly---you poured your heart out in several emails and then he wrote back just to say he'd read them and respond later? It's already been several days since you sent them. Doesn't that seem kind of dismissive?

[WockaWocka]

Yeah, it sounds like he's doing this more to spite his current gf than to maintain ties with you. And "I will read your messages and respond to them" is a pretty pointless email as noted above.

If I were you I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of being with the woman he chose while also staying in touch with me. Of course around the office you have to be cordial, but other than that I think the contact may only prolong your healing. Go NC for a few months while you get over him. Right now you're a little bit of ventilation in what I imagine is a pretty suffocating relationship, and should let him endure that on his own.

[SapphireNoir10]

Stay strong. He has an unhealthy relationship with his wife quite clearly, and you need no part of any of it.

 

You will be ok and oneday find someone truly available to you. Your a good, kind person who deserves a lot more.

[HeartGoesOn]

She may be known as "The Warden" but he made the choice to be with her, and she's certainly not holding him hostage. I would look at the big picture here, you're allowing him to keep you on a leash while he plays the both of you. By staying on the back burner, you're giving him permission to treat you like this, and he's getting the message that you're fine with accepting his crumbs.

 

I'm sorry that you're in pain, but the bottom line is, if he wanted to be with you, he would.

[mines]

I appreciate all of your input, and insights, thanks for taking the time to read and to comment.

 

To clarify a certain issue, especially to coolchick64, I didn't make it clear in this post, and I'm sorry.

 

He did read the ''heartfelt processing letters'' earlier, and actually did already respond to them, in person. When we talk at work we are usually completely alone, I have a private closed door office. The email that I had last sent, the one he evidently checked this morning, was a very brief one sent Wednesday when he came to say goodnight before going on his four days off - and it was just a friend-email about a funny situation where we got 'caught' leaving my office together by a guy who likes me (but I don't like him) So it was a bit of karma, for me, to have this guy see me with my "guy" and both of us just smiled at him.

 

He is not telling her, about this email connection with me. Whoever said it, is right, she is a 'warden' BUT he freely chooses to be with her. And given their history - both of them should be very careful re the cheating issues. IF she knew about it, she'd flip. And, I wouldn't blame her. Just to further clarify - I accepted his decision immediately even thought I didn't want to lose him. I was honest with him but I never once asked him back, haven't asked him to reconsider, none of that. I have taken the high road, for sure.

 

I do feel that there is some reason he wants to keep this tiny, neglible contact with me and maybe that is just knowing there is someone out there who adores you and hangs on your every word. A back-up plan? Plan B. An easy 'piece' if the mood ever strikes and the confines of his current relationship get too stifling again. Or possibly he felt trapped working with me - and my overwhelming pain and loss - maybe he feels that giving me this forum to contact him keeps me from falling apart at work, etc.

 

It's possible he set up this account hoping that I would eventually just disappear. I don't know.

 

I am going to keep trying no contact - other than at work. (I don't go to see him at work, he always comes to see me) Thanks for the support guys - it really helps. And I did turn off the laptop, but I didn't make a sandwich....I went for a six mile run and then shopping with my youngest daughter. Treated myself to some sweet Nike running tights and I look smokin hot wearing them - and I will be wearing them Thursday - because I am not going to stop living my life over this man.