question to women: any tips on how to date multiple men?

[EQIQ]

Might I suggest letting them know what you are doing? I for one wouldn't want to be a part of it, and if I found out later, would be extremely turned off. I think you might wanna find guys that are ok with what you are doing to begin with.

[im sandra dee]

Might I suggest letting them know what you are doing? I for one wouldn't want to be a part of it' date=' and if I found out later, would be extremely turned off. I think you might wanna find guys that are ok with what you are doing to begin with.[/quote']

 

I understand how you feel but that's not exactly something I can bring up early on.

 

The most that I'd tell someone new, if asked, is that I'm seeing other people.

[BriarRose]

I want to find the best possible candidates for a long term relationship by meeting several men for casual dating and getting to know them.

 

Any tips on how to date multiple men?

 

I'd love to hear from women who have successfully found their mates by NOT focusing on one guy from the start.

 

Aren't you curious about the women in sucessful relationships right now who were not serial dating at the time they met their bf's (or husbands)?

[EQIQ]

I understand how you feel but that's not exactly something I can bring up early on.

 

The most that I'd tell someone new, if asked, is that I'm seeing other people.

 

Why not? Scared that they would simply walk away? That is what I would do... If you feel like you need to hide something in order for things to work, then I believe that it is not a good thing right? Why start with secrets...

[im sandra dee]

Why not? Scared that they would simply walk away? That is what I would do... If you feel like you need to hide something in order for things to work' date=' then I believe that it is not a good thing right? Why start with secrets...[/quote']

 

I plan to meet a man tomorrow for our first meet. We talked on the phone once. We exchanged a few brief emails.

 

When do you propose that I tell him that I had sex with the man that I met three weeks ago and who I really like?

 

Should I have mentioned it in an email? Or when we talked on the phone? Or how about when drives all the way out to meet me for the first time?

 

I am willing to bet that if he's looking around and he has opportunities to have sex, he won't mention to me at all that that's what he's been doing whilst looking for a long term girlfriend. But that's just my opinion. And there is really nothing I can about that anyway because technically he isn't cheating on me. I don't even know the man!!!

[Batya33]

I plan to meet a man tomorrow for our first meet. We talked on the phone once. We exchanged a few brief emails.

 

When do you propose that I tell him that I had sex with the man that I met three weeks ago and who I really like?

 

Should I have mentioned it in an email? Or when we talked on the phone? Or how about when drives all the way out to meet me for the first time?

 

I am willing to bet that if he's looking around and he has opportunities to have sex, he won't mention to me at all that that's what he's been doing whilst looking for a long term girlfriend. But that's just my opinion. And there is really nothing I can about that anyway because technically he isn't cheating on me. I don't even know the man!!!

 

You tell him if you two decide to have sex so he can decide whether he is willing to take the STD risk since you can't be tested for another 3-4 months at least.

[rustyskyline]

I am willing to bet that if he's looking around and he has opportunities to have sex, he won't mention to me at all that that's what he's been doing whilst looking for a long term girlfriend. But that's just my opinion.

And if you knew that your next date definitely had sex three weeks ago and that he is crazy about this other girl and has told himself ahead of time that he definitely won't allow himself to begin to get involved with you because she is the one he really wants, would you still go out with him?

[Ms Darcy]

And if you knew that your next date definitely had sex three weeks ago and that he is crazy about this other girl and has told himself ahead of time that he definitely won't allow himself to begin to get involved with you because she is the one he really wants, would you still go out with him?

 

What does this have to do with dating multiple people? If you want to date multiple people, early on you should make your feelings about sex clear. If he's dishonest with you, then he's going to be dishonest whether he's dating multiple people or not.

[rustyskyline]

What does this have to do with dating multiple people? If you want to date multiple people, early on you should make your feelings about sex clear.

It's relevant because OP is about to go on a date with a guy who doesn't know all this stuff. If he knew what he was getting into he would probably pass. Dating multiple people is one thing but OP just had sex with another guy three weeks ago and wants to see him again.

[BriarRose]

It's relevant because OP is about to go on a date with a guy who doesn't know all this stuff. If he knew what he was getting into he would probably pass. Dating multiple people is one thing but OP just had sex with another guy three weeks ago and wants to see him again.

 

I have to agree. It sounds more like a rebound quest rather than an attempt to date multiple people and get to know them in the hopes of establishing a serious relationship.

[im sandra dee]

I have to agree. It sounds more like a rebound quest rather than an attempt to date multiple people and get to know them in the hopes of establishing a serious relationship.

 

BriarRose, that's a little harsh saying it's a rebound quest.

 

I feel that having sex with the guy I met three weeks ago was a mistake. It's not something that I am regretting because I think he's a jerk. I regret it because he is NOT a jerk.

 

I stopped having sex with him but I welcome the chance to know him better and see if it goes somewhere. If he doesn't feel the same, then so be it.

 

I do want to meet someone for long term. I may have ruined my chances with this guy, but I may meet someone and not repeat this mistake. I learned my lesson that a great guy is worth the wait!

[Sparkly Eyes]

I've never done it myself. But it shouldn't be a big deal if you're not being intimate with all of them. Just casually date, make plans and see were it goes. It's actually a good idea to date multiple men, it's harder to break your heart that way and you will appear less desperate/needy.

[im sandra dee]

I've never done it myself. But it shouldn't be a big deal if you're not being intimate with all of them. Just casually date, make plans and see were it goes. It's actually a good idea to date multiple men, it's harder to break your heart that way and you will appear less desperate/needy.

 

Thank you! That's exactly what I'm trying to avoid!! I don't want to appear desperate or needy because that is not attractive at all and although I got a little attached to the guy that I had sex with, I was self-aware and made a change... stop having sex, see if he is interested in dating and see what happens... I can't or won't force anything but if something happens, I would be thrilled!! Meeting other men for dating keeps my options open and why shouldn't I have options?

[Sparkly Eyes]

Thank you! That's exactly what I'm trying to avoid!! I don't want to appear desperate or needy because that is not attractive at all and although I got a little attached to the guy that I had sex with' date=' I was self-aware and made a change... stop having sex, see if he is interested in dating and see what happens... I can't or won't force anything but if something happens, I would be thrilled!! Meeting other men for dating keeps my options open and why shouldn't I have options?[/quote']

 

No you should. The truth is, something like ninety something percent of men you will meet are not gonna be the ones you like anyway and a high percentage of them are doing the exact same thing to you. So until you find the one you are really into and feel compatible with, there is no reason to limit your options. Just be careful about being intimate with them and take things slow.

[BriarRose]

BriarRose, that's a little harsh saying it's a rebound quest.

 

I feel that having sex with the guy I met three weeks ago was a mistake. It's not something that I am regretting because I think he's a jerk. I regret it because he is NOT a jerk.

 

I stopped having sex with him but I welcome the chance to know him better and see if it goes somewhere. If he doesn't feel the same, then so be it.

 

I do want to meet someone for long term. I may have ruined my chances with this guy, but I may meet someone and not repeat this mistake. I learned my lesson that a great guy is worth the wait!

 

I wasn't being harsh at all. You admitted yourself you want to see where things go with this guy. Clearly, he is the one you are truly interested in, and that's okay.... Yes, I do think you are looking for a distraction in the meantime.

[BriarRose]

SandraDee, I read your other thread and it is clear you were pretty emotionally invested in this guy. It is my opinion that you are still sad about how things went down and that you hope he comes around. I am sorry he hurt you, and I think it's great to meet others - but just be honest with yourself about how you are feeling, what you are looking for - and genuinely try to give new guys a chance, that's all. So that is what I meant by rebounding, in that you still have feelings for that guy. I do understand....and I know it can be hard......

 

I am sorry if I had sounded harsh before, i had not intended to...