Please helpp me set the Right Plan to get her back, Im not looking bad so far!

[strader18]

Well quick history: I am 25 she is 22.We we together 3 years. a year into the relationship I had to move 4 hours away for a job opportunity. We decided to carry a LDR. She faithfully came to visit every wknd for the first year. Next year she found a job where she had to work saturdays, so i made a point to go to her every wknd. because Of the amount of stress that my job puts on me I skipped a few wknds and basically this was the start of our problems. But I saw her at least 2 week ends a month.

The original plan was for her to move to my state when i was ready, then one day she told me that i should come back instead since she didnt want to leave her job and not find any better over there. This was another issue. So this whole thing stressed us out and in july she initated a break up. given that i realised that we wouldnt go anywhere i accepted the break up. She asked to remain friends. we did for a while than i told her that i couldnt.

 

I'm really close to her father(I met her through him). One month later he calls me and tells me that she met somebody and is moving kind of fast and throwing the "I love yous around. Now 2 weeks ago(4 months post BU) she broke NC and told me flat out that she misses me too much , she regret breaking up and its killing her more because it's too late( she says that because shes aware that i know of her BF, but she never mentions about him)

For oher reason(I assure you it's not because of her) I am moving back to her city in 9 months and she doesnt know yet. So my concern is How do i play my cards right so I can get her back.

I read a bunch of websites and they say that remaining friends with an ex will not help in the reconciliation process!!! But i don't know if that applies in my case.

 

Should I let her Know that I'm moving back? ( but I don't want to be considered as back up plan)

Should i keep LC or NC with her? ( i don't want her feelings to completely fade)

Should I Ignore her Bday coming Up and Christmas?( she didnt ignore mines) ( i feel if i do so ,maybe if the other guy fumbles she'll think of me. I always made something special for her) or is that silly

She spends quite amount of time with this guy but he doesnt treat he how she wants it, She tells her father he then tells me. She is not aware of my communication with the father.

 

Sorry it was so long .

[SapphireNoir10]

Well if she wants you back really she needs to end it with this guy otherwise she is emotionally cheating on him. Not cool. If she really misses you that much why is she still with him.

 

I'd say to her 'look if your serious Im moving back in 9 months but i wont accept any more communication until your single because its not fair on me or your bf'

[strader18]

Well if she wants you back really she needs to end it with this guy otherwise she is emotionally cheating on him. Not cool. If she really misses you that much why is she still with him.

 

I'd say to her 'look if your serious Im moving back in 9 months but i wont accept any more communication until your single because its not fair on me or your bf'

Thank you very much for your reply. But the thing is I don't want to get back with her now, because the distance is still there meaning the problem is still there. I don't know if im going to sound fair if i aske her to leave the guy when im not going to be with her now. Or if it does let me know. Also another reason I wouldn't want to get back with her now is that I have been working on myslef and I feel im not quite ready yet

[DylanNotorious]

You need to talk to her personally. Her father might be exaggerating the truth a little bit regarding his daughter. Just bear in mind that you and her father are friends and he might be building your hopes up because the father might prefer to see his daughter with you instead of this other guy.

 

You need to tell her your intentions so that you know one way or the other.

[strader18]

You need to talk to her personally. Her father might be exaggerating the truth a little bit regarding his daughter. Just bear in mind that you and her father are friends and he might be building your hopes up because the father might prefer to see his daughter with you instead of this other guy.

 

You need to tell her your intentions so that you know one way or the other.

 

Exxagerating as far as what? the complaint? She has also complained about it to another mutual friend. I Know that i need to speak with her, But what should be my main points. I don't want to get back until i move back, and i don't think i should pressure to leave the guy as this might push her into his arms.

[SapphireNoir10]

You could just say 'look i'll be back in nine months, we'll see where we both are then' and then literally wait and see! If shes not with him, then you two can try again!

[hulk7280]

Exxagerating as far as what? the complaint? She has also complained about it to another mutual friend. I Know that i need to speak with her, But what should be my main points. I don't want to get back until i move back, and i don't think i should pressure to leave the guy as this might push her into his arms.

 

 

then your only option is to lay back and let the cards fall where they may when you move back..

 

as far as contact I would definitely say acknowledge her birthday and Christmas.. you dont want to be childish... but i wouldnt keep in contact with her.. if she contacts you keep it short...

 

you dont want her to keep making her feel better, thats the rebounds job

[strader18]

then your only option is to lay back and let the cards fall where they may when you move back..

 

as far as contact I would definitely say acknowledge her birthday and Christmas.. you dont want to be childish... but i wouldnt keep in contact with her.. if she contacts you keep it short...

 

you dont want her to keep making her feel better, thats the rebounds job

 

Do you think I should let her know that i'm moving back? because I want don't want her to keep me as a back up boyfriend while living her life, at the same time I wouldn't want her to get too serious with this guy.

[hulk7280]

then your only option is to lay back and let the cards fall where they may when you move back..

 

as far as contact I would definitely say acknowledge her birthday and Christmas.. you dont want to be childish... but i wouldnt keep in contact with her.. if she contacts you keep it short...

 

you dont want her to keep making her feel better, thats the rebounds job

 

Do you think I should let her know that i'm moving back? because I want don't want her to keep me as a back up boyfriend while living her life, at the same time I wouldn't want her to get too serious with this guy.

 

I dont think it would hurt either way.. the most important thing IMO is dont be available to her.. dont be rude and childish, but at the same time dont b availabe to her

[AutumnBorn]

Strader, if she calls or emails, I'd casually mention you're moving back, but don't make a point of letting her know by calling her, just mention it in conversation. Since you're friends with her dad, certainly tell him, but don't make a big announcement out of it. It would be weird if you didn't. The thing is, whatever happens, happens. You can't come between her and her new guy. That has to play out on it's own.

 

Regarding her birthday and Christmas, my ex bought me gifts, but last year I didn't accept his birthday gift. It's inappropriate when she's with someone else, but I think a birthday card is very appropriate. A real card with a stamp on it, perhaps addressed to:

 

Her Royal Highness, Jane Doe (should make her smile)

666 Main Street

Her Town, XX 99999

Nothing romantic, nothing too funny - maybe a blank card with a note from you that reads something like:

 

I hope your day is as special as you are.

 

Make a wish.

 

Strader

 

That's it. A note like that lets her know you think she's special without being romantic. Make a wish is a reminder to acknowledge what she wants, followed by your name (subliminal).

 

Ignore Christmas, unless she makes a move after the birthday card....but be prepared to send flowers at the last minute, and I don't mean red ones. Pink, which is the color men most associate with love and femininity (lets her know how you see her).

 

When's her birthday? I'll be looking for an update.

[strader18]

Strader, if she calls or emails, I'd casually mention you're moving back, but don't make a point of letting her know by calling her, just mention it in conversation. Since you're friends with her dad, certainly tell him, but don't make a big announcement out of it. It would be weird if you didn't. The thing is, whatever happens, happens. You can't come between her and her new guy. That has to play out on it's own.

 

Regarding her birthday and Christmas, my ex bought me gifts, but last year I didn't accept his birthday gift. It's inappropriate when she's with someone else, but I think a birthday card is very appropriate. A real card with a stamp on it, perhaps addressed to:

 

Her Royal Highness, Jane Doe (should make her smile)

666 Main Street

Her Town, XX 99999

Nothing romantic, nothing too funny - maybe a blank card with a note from you that reads something like:

 

I hope your day is as special as you are.

 

Make a wish.

 

Strader

 

That's it. A note like that lets her know you think she's special without being romantic. Make a wish is a reminder to acknowledge what she wants, followed by your name (subliminal).

 

Ignore Christmas, unless she makes a move after the birthday card....but be prepared to send flowers at the last minute, and I don't mean red ones. Pink, which is the color men most associate with love and femininity (lets her know how you see her).

 

When's her birthday? I'll be looking for an update.[/quote

 

Her birthday is Dec 22. A week ago she was telling me how miserable she was without me. I told her that i was not interested in friendship but want to remain civil( because she was making a habit of texting me once in while, trying keep me on the hook. Last night she calls me from and unknown number, to ask me if I still have pics of her car that she had sent me while we were together (for insurance purposes).Well,the new guy Wrecked her car really bad

On saturady. She didnt mention anything about the crash( I found out because the car was taken to shop owned by a friend's family, again she doesn't know him but he knows her) I told her that i didnt have the pics anymore and kept the convo at that. She is having a hard time because the new bf cant help her with the $3000 repair cost, he doesnt have a job. In turn my friend offered to help me score by offering to do it for a $1000. Now should i let her on her own or score that point? I may sound stupid now but my judgemnt is kind of clouded right now , so i can appreciate some brutal honnesty. Thank you.

[30yrold]

I say hook up the $1000 cost. Regardless of anything else, if you care about her, then helping her is the right thing to do.