soporcogitavi Posted November 15, 2010 Share Posted November 15, 2010 I confronted my fiancee last week, because I noticed when I looked at the internet history that she had looked at some pics, and the profile of a guy she dated for about a month, on 3 separate days last week. I told her it bothered me and she reassured me that it was absolutely nothing, and its just facebook and she just saw the pictures posted, and she was curious, etc.. She thought I was a little insecure to be worried about that, and at first she seemed defensive. Then she told me its just facebook and she checks all kinds of different things and it doesnt mean anything. Now that I confronted and she knows it bothered me, should she have deleted him as a friend or does that seem unreasonable for me to think she should have? Or should she have offered to delete him? Link to comment
-Sanguine- Posted November 15, 2010 Share Posted November 15, 2010 I don't think she should have to delete him, or offer to. Either you trust her or you don't.. you better make that decision because picking at little things like this will not be a good thing. Link to comment
JoJo90814 Posted November 15, 2010 Share Posted November 15, 2010 Naw I think youre just trippin. When im bored I look at all kinds of things on facebook just to see how everyone is doing. I also think if you search you will find things and usually they dont mean anything- and just cause you unecssary fights and anxiety. If she is going to cheat or leave you, you have no power over it and by looking for something youre only creating unecessary drama. Link to comment
KH26 Posted November 15, 2010 Share Posted November 15, 2010 I hate my ex, he cheated on me at such a bad time. But I sometimes look at his Facebook because I'm curious. I'd never want to get back with him, I really don't get what I saw in him. I do look though. I've never really thought anything of it. I wouldn't worry. Unless she's looking all the time or you have other reasons to believe she still has feelings for him or whatever then I don't think you need to worry. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted November 15, 2010 Share Posted November 15, 2010 I think that the OP over-reacted, it sounds like you have trust issues and are insecure about your relationship. Link to comment
Snny Posted November 15, 2010 Share Posted November 15, 2010 She thought I was a little insecure to be worried about that, and at first she seemed defensive. In your fianee's defense, you did come off as insecure. First you confronted her about it (confronting a person is never pleasant and is only done at a last resort). Then you *possibly* demanded that she deleates her ex off her own page? Excuse me, but it's her profile and not YOURS. You have NO say who she befriends or not so don't climb into that battle because it will guarantee a distance in your relationship. You offer NO compromise to this situation, so that even comes off as you being insecure and controlling. Don't go there. Getting upset over Facebook because she looks at his profile is worth tension? It's one thing if she is deliberately contacting him. You gotta be kidding me. Link to comment
AsianLove89 Posted November 16, 2010 Share Posted November 16, 2010 1st of all he shouldn't even be on her page as a friend...going to his page "3" times.... not "1" but "3" times probably means she still has feelings 4 him...If she was "just being nosey" like she said then the first time she went to his page should have satisfied her curiosity...but the fact she went there 2 more times on "SEPRATE" days says alot... 1 of my Ex's was on my page, i went to his page once and never went back again, thats cuz i saw his pics and thats all i wanted to see, i had no reason to keep lookin at his pix days later...4 wat? its not like his pix was gonna dramaticly change within 4 days... Also yall are ingaged so maybe she's reminiscing on past relationships because she's about to take the big plunge into marraige and she's a little unsure about it... Take it from me, im a women, if i kept going back and forth daily to a X page, "Guaranteed" i still like this guy, i no this 4 a fact because ive done it before... Also she pulled something called reverse psychology on you by saying "you were insecure"...she was trying to make you think you were in the wrong when she clearly was... Back in the day when i used to cheat and lie alot. reverse phychology was my favorite technique lol...Also saying "Its jus facebook" is a redflag 2 and something i use 2 say when i was lying She obviously got reverse psyche 2 work on u because ur actually on here asking if you should be mad about this "WHEN YOU SHOULD BE"... This is what you do...Ask her if she is done being curious about the pics and if she says yes then say "Delete him as ur friend now"... If she says ok and does then trust her but if she gives you a hard time "over an X" then she still likes him.. That rite there will give you the answers your looking 4 Link to comment
Snny Posted November 16, 2010 Share Posted November 16, 2010 1st of all he shouldn't even be on her page as a friend...going to his page "3" times.... not "1" but "3" times probably means she still has feelings 4 him...If she was "just being nosey" like she said then the first time she went to his page should have satisfied her curiosity...but the fact she went there 2 more times on "SEPRATE" days says alot... Careful with assumptions. There are quite a lot of people who do have their exes on their facebook pages. Here's an example: I communicate with one of my exes because we both graduated from the same program back in college and like to talk about our profession. We don't discuss ourprevious relationship or fl;irt: we are over with what happened between us and keep our conversations casual and friendly. We do it at least once a week... sometimes once every two weeks. We network along with our other colleuges whom we graduated with. My SO of several years knows this and sees our conversation. That being said, it doesn't mean I have "special" feelings for my ex. All what the OP's girl did was looko at his page. She didn't initiate contact as far to his knowledge. Why should the OP try to control her from looking at her ex's page? Also yall are ingaged so maybe she's reminiscing on past relationships because she's about to take the big plunge into marraige and she's a little unsure about it... More assumptions. This is not always true with women AND men. If I were the OP, I would be more worried if she is initiating contact and the nature of the coversation she has with him than just her looking at a profile. Link to comment
AsianLove89 Posted November 16, 2010 Share Posted November 16, 2010 I understand what you mean about the assumptions but you actually have a "reason" to contact your X...If you and your X didnt graduate from the same college would you visit his page as frequently as she did and look at his pix? If u went to his page once i'd understand but the going back two more times is what strikes me as odd, im not saying she doesnt love her fiance or that she wants to leave him 4 her X, im jus saying that she probly still likes her X in some way Link to comment
AsianLove89 Posted November 16, 2010 Share Posted November 16, 2010 Also i wasnt trying to make him "control her" by telling her to delete him off her page, i was just trying to have him see what her reaction was if he asked her that...if she says no she wont delete him then i think that says alot...he doesnt need to make her delete him if she doesnt want to, i just think he should see her reaction to it... Link to comment
soporcogitavi Posted November 16, 2010 Author Share Posted November 16, 2010 Ok first of all, I have not asked her to delete him, Im wondering if she should have just offered to do so, and what exactly is the point of her keeping him on there as a friend? She has no contact with him or no need to contact him. I dont understand the logic behind going to see his profile after she saw the pics he posted. That I dont understand. Another thing is she just dated this guy for a month. I know that if my ex posted pictures and they came up on the news feed I would probably look, but thats it, I dont see the need in going to her profile after and then checking 2 more news feeds on who shes became freinds with. What compormise can I offer to this situation without coming off as controlling which I dont want to do. Link to comment
geekgirl4 Posted November 16, 2010 Share Posted November 16, 2010 By your logic, I should be deleting 300+ of my friends on facebook... Look, it's not possible to keep contact with all your friends, but seeing how they are doing in life through the newsfeed can be interesting and completely normal. I think you're overreacting. You said it yourself that she only dated that guy for a month, why are you so threatened by him? I recently looked at an old friend's facebook for over an hour or two because I was curious how they were doing, and she's a girl. It's natural to be curious to see how someone is doing when you aren't in contact with them. Stop overreacting. Link to comment
Longview01 Posted November 17, 2010 Share Posted November 17, 2010 Just another thread that shows that facebook can be damaging to relationships and cause problems for no reason at all. Its why I have a facebook but pretty much ignore it, more trouble than its worth. I have to ask, why were you checking the internet History? Were you looking for something like this? Link to comment
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