Anyone ever xp these conflicting emotions??

[fasthackm]

I was supposed to have proposed to my now ex girlfriend. We had planned it, but a conflict within me arouse just like in had back in 95 when we first met. Yes, she was VERY pleasing to look at, and she was average in bed. But why when we spent quality time together, you know on walks or dinner that sort a stuff, I always felt like pressured to keep the moment alive and going because her personality evidentally didn't fully develop in her teen years or something!! It got so bad that I asked her point blank, "Jennifer, what do you think you have to offer someone in a rship?" Well she didn't like that to well. I also pointed out to her I was trying to bring out the hidden persona still locked up inside of her. She replied, "well what if this is all there is?" I'm bipolar and quite saucy and lively at times, I was costantly keeping the moment/conversation/entertainment going, always me,me,me!! Jennifer stated that because of her troubled childhood she only learned to use her body to attract men and not what she had inside herself. She depended on the man to plan outtings, entertainment, conversations. Please people, tell me something, girly's out there help me! I swore that I loved this girl, but when I would be with her I just felt so conflicted.

[ForumGuy]

She wants you to drive and if you don't want to, and for the entire trip, she will find somebody who will. Don't count on changing her.

[fasthackm]

Ouch!, but admittedly right on target n straight to the core. The entire game field is rigged to her favor, all she has to do is show a picture of herself on any dating site and she'll land hundreds of would-be Lancelot's. To bad guys can't get the same results, haha. I do feel sorry for Jennifer and girls like her who really have nothing more to offer a man other than a sexy face and form, ya sure they'll be in another rship in no time at all, but you've got to ? just what are the fella's motives for being with her because it sure can't be her 'bubbly personality'

[Blackey]

Oouch...haha well i had a couple of girlfirneds just like that.

It took me some time but i realized that although the sex was really good, and my girlfriends always were above the average in regards to looks, it is not someone you can spend the rest of your life with, since after a while you will just get bored with her, and remember the looks goes away after a number of years, and the only thing that stays is the personality, so if you feel preassured now, eventually it might make you misrable.

Do you find that you have things in common with her? If you dont have things in common and most of your conversations rotate about you making her laugh, relationships and gossips, you might think about this relationship twice, because as i said, looks goes away after some years, and if you have nothing in common and you do feel pressued by the fact that she is not really contributing in this aspect, most likely you will suffer later on after you get married.

[ziibiin]

Not clear?

[loveheals]

You actually are hitting on one of the absolute key things that drives relationships. That complementary energy, where you are so bubbly and outgoing (in fact sometimes manic) and she is so repressed, is often a factor in attraction. But it only works in the end if the people are willing to grow and stretch each other. It sounds like she is aware of how much in her is repressed, but she isn't sure if it can be recovered. If she was willing to try though, there are tools out there to work on these issues. The key is always whether the person is willing to try to develop more. If so, it's worth making the effort with the proper tools. If not, then there isn't much you can do and things are either doomed to end or remain very unsatisfying.

[fasthackm]

You've been most helpful, both of you (Blacky and Loveheals). Its most comforting to hear from someone that has been in my situation, thank you Blacky. I really did swear that we had that complimentary energy, that we were so perfect for each other. What is turned out to be is that she was receptive to my energies, which admittedly were at times on the manic side since I am Bipolar/type I. What ended up happening is when I would dip in my moods from elevated back to normal or even slightly under (which only happened twice), she couldn't understand why I was so quiet and withdrawn, can you believe that!! She would actually tell me I was being distant from her once I stopped being my "pure energy" self! Granted she did make me laugh on a few occassions, it was just so one sided. I told her point blank that I was the one always initiating and holding up conversations most of the time and I always came up with ideas so we could see each other and it was I that was always thinking of her sending her little gifts and even a couple of big ones. The greatest thing she ever gave me was a Love card and a pair of her (well, I'll fall silent on that one With her admitted confessions that she had only learned to use her body to attract men and then she could never keep them cause it appears that not only I became bored with her, even though she is very beautiful (which I'm still biting my lip about as I type!!) My flesh is trying to raise my rt foot to kick me in the head for leaving her because she was so hot, but my heart only recoiled and felt pressure in her inadequecies. In the end it is as you said Blacky, her looks will not last, then what will she be left with?? Good intentions, I suppose

[baker843]

If you aren't best friends, move on. I'm sorry to sound harsh, but looks fade. If that's honestly all you see in this woman, why would you even consider marriage?

[Steven1607307306]

I have dated a girl who I was only attracted to becuase of her looks. She was dumb as a box of rocks, blind to reality, but she was smokin hot. In the bedroom with her, it was always 4th of July. However, when we were out say at the movies? Awkward. At a play? Awkwwwwarrrd. At a friends house together? Do I have to say it?

 

Needless to say, these kinds of relationships are fun in a way, and not bad, however a relationship like that should never be on the road to marraige. You may as well play pool with bowlingballs.

[SameStory221]

Not that I am the best at these things (or I wouldn't be here probably) but shouldn't this be something that you ask yourself. I mean "What does she bring you in the relationship?" It seems that you have the arm candy, without any substance and that you had to be okay with that at some point. Unfortunately, you have to get out of bed at some point and be able to face the world. (not to be mean.) I think if a lot of people REALLY asked these questions early on they wouldn't continue in these relationships. I mean if she is openly telling you that is all there is to her and you want something more....I think you answered your own question. Looks fade, find someone that is both physically and mentally compatible with you. Good Luck!

[fasthackm]

"Dumb as a rock", that's funny Steve. You know I was very tempted on a couple occassions to ask Jennifer just what she didn't get about whatever it was I was talking about. Seriously, not only did her memory suk but she was not bright at all! And ofcourse to top all of it off, she was only slightly more adamant than a labotomized person (I'm serious, her personality had no spark whatsoever!) Oh she looked like the Queen of 2010, but could turn you off quicker than cat sh^t on a lenoleum floor!

[Steven1607307306]

Well then your decision shouldn't be too difficult. Physical chemistry is important, however personality chemistry is MORE important. You do need both, but I find that when personalities click, the physical aspect diminishes (not completely though!). If seriously the only thing she has to offer is her body in a relationship, I think she has a whole set of issues that she needs to work out before she can have a healthy relationship with anyone.