We Had Such History/Chemistry/Passion, Now We're Just History!!

[fasthackm]

I was an emotional wreck until some of the events that happened between Jennifer and I started coming together. Jennifer and I go all the way back to 95 in which she first saw me in the gym and started pursuing me, even tho I was engaged to another. Her intention was to steal me away. Jennifer was gorgeous, I mean the hottest gal I have ever been involved with. Jennifer had a shortcoming tho, she was all body and no personality. The poor gal had relied on using her body to attract men all her young life, she just didn't have anything to offer within her. She did steal me away, we had a sexual fling for 2 months, I snapped out of the lustful fog I had been in and broke it off with Jennifer (she was expecting me to marry her). I went back to the girl I was engaged to, Jennifer went away bitter and heartbroken. Ok, years later in 2010 after I had been married and d/v'd I searched for Jennifer on Facebook and found her. She was married to a man 15 yrs her senior!, and wasn't to handsome either. Well this time I took her away, caused her to commit adultery, she d/v'd her husb and we were planning to marry. Jen and I are both devoted Christians, we both knew the Lord was very angry with us. We repented for our sin, were forgiven, but consequences always have to be dealt with. We made plans, I would move to OK as soon as I took care of biz back home, that was 7 months down the road. During that 7 months, the long distance between us crippled our relationship, along with what we had done. I really believe our rebellious acts had hardened us spiritually, we argued a lot and just all kind of negative emotions flew. She had a son, a result of being raped by her ex. Well I had a huge problem with the outlook of having to support him (because I was already supporting my child). You see Jen didn't file for child support from the kids father because she's scared to death of him, this didn't sit well with me AT ALL! We argued over it, it was a major roadblock to why we didn't marry. We met in Witchita Falls, TX for a romantic 3 days and I was to have proposed to her by the water fall. Well, I had made my mind up before the trip that I just didn't want to marry Jen anymore. I was so strongly attracted to her body, the sex wasn't that great at all (but I figured I could school her), she just didn't 'do anything' for me when it came to melding on a spiritual/character lvl. I had a great sense of humor and initiated almost all conversations, ideas to do things, everything! (it was like being with a fembot) I just couldn't see me married to her even tho she was bang'n hot! The sex wouldn't be enough to base a marriage on, what else would be left!? I had run into the same problem our first time, that's why I left her that time as well. Jennifer turned bitterly cold to me after I failed to propose to her, that was pretty much it, there wasn't anything left. Why? Why?!! do I feel like I chose wrong?! I think what if I would have proposed and got married, after a few weeks we would probably be sleeping in separate beds! I need some thoughts people.

[LightbulbSun]

You really need to reexamine what you just wrote. You have:

 

- Stolen a girl from her husband, just because she has a hot body

- Been involved with a girl who was raped by said husband

- You already have a child (from a previous marriage?)

- You are thinking of marrying this woman, even though she is seriously screwed up, and you're seriously screwed up for the things YOU did. And two children are in limbo from the whole experience.

 

If you are a Christian, you really need to go back to Christ. What you are doing is out of LUST, not love. Do you want to follow your morals, or follow your penis?

 

Break it off with this girl, take a breather, and reexamine your life. Because you seriously have screwed it up, buddy.

[90_hour_sleep]

You really need to reexamine what you just wrote. You have:

 

- Stolen a girl from her husband, just because she has a hot body

- Been involved with a girl who was raped by said husband

- You already have a child (from a previous marriage?)

- You are thinking of marrying this woman, even though she is seriously screwed up, and you're seriously screwed up for the things YOU did. And two children are in limbo from the whole experience.

 

If you are a Christian, you really need to go back to Christ. What you are doing is out of LUST, not love. Do you want to follow your morals, or follow your penis?

 

Break it off with this girl, take a breather, and reexamine your life. Because you seriously have screwed it up, buddy.

 

i tend to agree. step away. give it space. find some clarity.

 

mistakes happen. we all screw up. those of us who recognize and acknowledge, accept and find forgiveness...we find a way to break the patterns that we've been habitually going back to over and over again. let go...and learn. forgive yourself...and move on with your life. all part of the process. maybe this is exactly what you need right now. becomes your choice to walk down a different street.

 

hope you figure it out.

[fasthackm]

I should have clarified the rape part, she was raped by a former boyfriend (and criminal) about 3 years before her marriage. When I initially found Jennifer again, I had sworn I loved her and that she was the perfect woman I had been seeking in life. I swore she was an answer to my prayers, but what initially I thought was love was soured (I believe) by our sin. You see, this is the part I cannot fathom and can't understand myself. For all these emotions/passion/feeling/supposed love, I couldn't reconcile it within myself why when I would actually be physically with her, she had nothing to offer me (except her sexuality) from within herself (personality). Our whole 7 month rship was long distance (900 miles apart) and about every 3 months we would meet for a few days. At the end of the 7 months, I was to have moved in with her and we would get married. The greatest painful mystery in my heart is, why do I feel like I miss/love/and desire her when I'm away from her, but when I'm with her physically I feel like there is no spark inside of her. Yes we made love, but the sex in itself wasn't fantastic because of her limits, and SEX just shouldn't be all there is damn it! I try to re-examine what was done and for what reasons. Before I found Jen again, well truthfully I had just gotten out of another messed up rship with a compulsive liar. All thru these rocky encounters , my focus upon Christ suffered and was blurred. I knew there would be CONSEQUENCES, I knew there would be! But Jen and I had been in love before and we thought that made it ok. I'm in treatment for manic/depression and I experiences a depressive episode which Jen said she couldn't deal with because her son also has mental problems and she couldn't deal with both of us. She said that after I failed to propose to her. Everything died after I failed to do that, but that's just it. The Holy Spirit has always had a strong hold on me, but I'm still left with that big question mark inside. Jen even reacted everytime I had to leave her from being together. I became distant. Bipolar people have a tendency to be real funny at times and lively. When we were together I was the one always trying to keep our conversations going, and the entertainment alive, she just seemed incapable of doing anything. I was very direct one time and I told her that I was trying to draw out the persona inside of her (because of her childhood, she had observed her mother basically be a * * * * . She grew up only knowing how to use her body and not her personality to gain men's attn), she replied "What if this is all there is?" She also told me she had never been good at expressing herself. She had always depended on the man to entertain her, direct her, and she said she tried to please her man. I could tell that my actions and choices had made her harden her heart so deeply. Now that she's free after a failed marriage, after the man of her dreams failed her, she's now on Eharmony chasing other men to make her happy, where 2 wks before she had told me we needed to separate so she could learn to make herself happy, instead of depending on other men. Help me make sense of it all, please!

[fasthackm]

Here's another painful thought causing havoc with my heart. After I failed to propose to her like she expected she thought I just didn't want her anymore. When she got back on her feet, moved out of her parents house cause she got a new job and an apt, she told me that her love and best friendship feelings had faded away (in just 3 wks time!!) How can women do this, or is it that I hurt and disappointed her so badly that she has completely grown cold towards me and just wants me out of her life?! This is just so much chaos. The only other girl ever to have broken my heart was also named Jennifer, oh! the irony of it all!! I need council, men and women please!

[1guygirl]

i am sensing something quite warped from you...the word you called her mother, the way you described jennifer as hot but lacking in anything else, particularly throwing it in there about other men and her needing/having them in some sexually dysfunctional way....yet you went with her anyway, clearly leading her on, ending another serious long term relationship for someone you considered not much personality wise etc

 

then the self loathing kicks in, the repenting of sin, and the sorry cycle starts again

 

funny how even the most self proclaimed spiritual people can actually be the very ones we pray our children dont end up with.

 

i think respectively, you need to look long and hard at yourself. if you love jennifer, let her go...you clearly hurt her very deeply and she may just be the stronger woman you havent gave her credit for

[fasthackm]

Yes, I probably did hurt her for not choosing to propose marriage to her for a 2nd time. I didn't mention, however, I caught her in 2 lies concerning her texting an ex of hers all the while I was watching on my computer 900 miles away. She denied texting anyone when I asked her. You don't think that hurt me just as deep, oh yes it sure did!! As for her being a strong women and deciding to dissolve our rship, perhaps. But I couldn't bring myself to ask this girl who point blank lied to me about something very serious, lacked some kind of functioning character or personality always depending on the man to initiate conversations, or just anything other kind of activity in life. Yes, she was extremely attractive, but it can't be the all-n-all in a healthy rship! As for myself, I'm bipolar so I know I'm lively and comical most of the time as well as being handsome. I ran into the very same conflicting wall I ran into in our first rship back in 95', I'm so sad that she hadn't developed some character, so sad

[1guygirl]

well if she is is such a liar and so lacking with no personality or character then youre well shot...and you being so handsome and all, are quite the catch...

 

i still get the feeling tho there is more to this...but hey, seems like it will be a good result for both of you

[fasthackm]

How ironic that her Eharm prof reads this under her must have's for a potential suitor: someone who isn't afraid of hard work , who will treat her like a queen, who smiles all the time. Now tell me something,,, if you are paying child support for your own child (like I AM), then find out the wman you want to marry has a boy from an ex who happened to be a habitual criminal, a rapist, and abadoned the child (has nothing to do with him and DOESNT pay child support). I really tried to make her understand in order for me to be comfortable with this she needed to petition the court to start taking the deadbeat father's money for back and current child support, well she agreed at the start of our rship, then she totally changed her mind saying she didn't want there to be any possibility that the father can come back and want to be a part of the kid's life again. Uhm HELLO!!, the kid has already started asking ?'s to who his real father is (at 12 y.o.), he's gonna want to know his real father!! She is afraid of him because the as*hole raped her. Well this upset me, what she was telling me not in words was she expected me to ultimately support this kid in addition to my own!! Needless to say, that was a BIG stumbling block. Oh she's looking for a guy who can provide her and her kid a life like the one she had when her exhusband was raking the $ in. I'm disabled thru SSDI and the V.A. for injury sustained during Desert Storm and my Bipolar illness so I can't work, I'm a liability. On 2 occassions this caused an argument between her and I, yes it's all to clear what she's looking for. She may look like a royal queen all pretty and pristine, but she has the persona of a fembot from Austin Powers movies!