Ladies, have you ever been asked out by a fat/ugly guy?

[alexander]

How did you respond? I happen to be curious since I fit the criteria.

Is it better for me to (contiue to) not even try? Am I just saving myself/the girl from the embarrassment of a pitifully stupid question?

In addition to my physical faults, I'm incredibly shy and have no social skills. I barely exchange words at all with females my age. Is there hope?

[evepm]

Dear alexander:

 

It's been awhile since I've been your age but, I still remember how awkward it can be and things don't change that much as you get older when dealing with the opposite sex.

 

I have been asked out by all sorts of guys and I have never let what's on the outside let me decide if I was going to accept a date. The guy that I'm seeing now is overweight and not model perfect but he is beautiful on the inside and that's what makes him attractive to me.

 

You need to look inside yourself and recognize your amazing qualities. You are special and the right girl is going to see this so don't you dare give up. Like they tell us girls "you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince", well the same holds true for guys. So don't give up. If a girl judges you for your appearance, do you really want to waste your time with her anyway?

 

Keep working on your self-esteem. Do things that make you feel good about yourself and that build your confidence. This will show through and like I said the right girl will recognize this. Keep your chin up and let me know how things go.

 

Peace and blessings to you,

evepm

[nosoul]

hey!! i have been asked out by 3 over guys and i have gone out the three of them (nlot at same time mind you lol)but what i liked at was there were nice caring sweet guys.and u no what i got picked on for datin them by my friends but i learned alot from them.i didn't care how they looked and i changed the way i thought people saw me as a prepy girl that only dates popular skinny hot guys.And i don't reget datin them one bit.And i know there is someone out there that will like you for you no matter what u look like. and u should continue to try you will come upon no's but you will come upon a great yes.And there is always hope.I hope i helped. i know im younger then you but still u do find that girl i hope u tell us all here!!!

[piscesprincess]

It is best to get involved w/someone when you are at the best mental state possible. So you have low self esteem b/c of your appearance- at 17, it is normal to feel awkward & insecure about yourself.

 

We can just tell you to be confident, however, the mind doesn't work like that. If you have been shy all your life, this makes approaching females much worse. As a 'decen' looking female, yes, men of all types have asked me out. I have liked heavy-set guys as long as they have a healthy sense of self...nobody wants to date an emotional 'mess'.

 

Maybe you should go for an older woman- I remember being that age in Highschool, I was always nice, but there are alot of shallow b---hes in HS.

[emptiness]

I've really fancied two guys in my life that were both slightly overweight, and well, from their looks people wondered why i fancied them.

 

Truth is, I got to know both of these guys through my part time jobs (different jobs) and over the course of about 6 months, just kind of fell for them for who they were.

 

Ridiculously, I managed to kiss them both but neither of them wanted anything apart from that! I was heartbroken at the time!.

 

I guess I'm a personality person, and always will be.

[Lily04]

Well I wouldn't call my boyfriend 'ugly,' but he does have a nerdy look about him, and wouldn't be the typical guy you'd have a crush on. But I did..he is very intelligent & sweet, which is what I look for most in a guy. However, my sister can't understand why I'd want to date him & when I told her he's leaving in September, her response was 'thank god..'

 

I am a little above average though so that's why..I was approached to do modelling in the past, and most of my friends expect me to date above-age looking guys. But to be honest I've never had a boyfriend in the past, even though guys have asked me (good-looking guys too) because I've never felt a connection. To me, communication is very important & if I can't talk to the guy openly & intelligently, then I don't go out with him.

 

I'd say working on your confidence & social skills will probably get you farther than looks. But definitely work out if you think you're overweight, that will improve your self-confidence as well..and just don't wear shabby clothes, and you're bound to get a girl eventually. =) Honestly, don't stress about it, just work on setting goals and working on yourself, and soon enough you'll feel more confident about yourself & talking with girls, and they'll be flocking to ya in no time

 

take care..

 

sparrow

[Scout]

The truth is, most people - girls and guys - do prefer to date people in shape, and who take care of themselves. Whether this is shallow or not, I don't know, but it's a fact that the majority of people do tend to place a significant importance on looks. If you are really unhappy with your appearance, why not take up mountain biking, kayaking, or some kind of fun sport if you dread the idea of monotonous work-outs at the gym? It will give you fresh air, you'll get proficiency at a cool sport, and meet new people.

 

After a while, you'll feel better about yourself in general, and the dating thing will all come together. When we are happy, or at least reasonably content with ourselves, other people notice and are drawn to that.

 

Good luck, and never stop trying to push yourself to be the best you can be!

[brokenpogostick]

in my opinion looks are important, however, would i rather have a super studly guy that treated me like crap or a mediocre guy that treated me like a queen? i'd rather be treated like a queen. the trouble is these days that people want a "trophy" if you will, someone they can show off and make other people jealous with.

 

just be yourself and the right girl will come along for you. not everyone is looking for a super-model bf

[Scout]

No, not everyone is looking for a supermodel boyfriend, but on the other hand, very few want someone who is "fat and ugly" which is how this person is describing himself. My point is that if there is anything you can do to improve your health and appearance, than that effort should be made, primarily so you can feel better about yourself and enjoy an overall better quality of life in terms of health and well-being. And it will attract the interest of others, as well.

 

If this isn't possible, please see my post in the Finding Love and Soulmate Forum, "Wondering why you can't get a date? Maybe this is why..."

link removed

 

Basically, it talks about how we can avoid frequent disappointment by seeking out others who are equal to ourselves in terms of looks, character, etc.

[arwen]

Dear Alexander,

 

Number one: don't date anyone as long as you feel so insecure. Maybe you should work on your selfesteem first. Because if you get a sense of security ONLY because someone else wants to be with you, you'll be shattered completely if there's a break up.

 

The question is not does she want me, the question is do you want them.

 

I don't know if you are really as insecure as I am, but this is my new found belief for myself. I won't date anyone because I will be trapped in a false sense of security.

 

As for your question, I have one experience with a good friend of mine that I heard later, felt more for me than I felt for him. He was fat, yes, but I never looked at him 'that way' because I didn't feel that way. That had nothing to do with weight. Had he asked me on a 'real' date, I would have accepted.

 

Maybe it would be better for you to first work on social skills by just making friends! You are so young, and a lot will change in your life the coming years. Just join a club, maybe swimming? Just be who you are and try to relate. It is easier to make friends than to date, so start at a more relaxed level of interaction.

 

Good luck! You sound like a really great guy!

 

Ilse.

[mtastic]

I agree with ilse,

Number one: don't date anyone as long as you feel so insecure. Maybe you should work on your selfesteem first. Because if you get a sense of security ONLY because someone else wants to be with you, you'll be shattered completely if there's a break up.

 

That happened to me, and it really hurt.

 

Alexander, I can sympathise with you, I'm not overwieght, however I know I'm not the most attractive guy on the planet and i'd be lying if i said I wasn't a geek. But I realized after my breakup that I need to improve myself self esteem so that I can feel happier before I eneter my next realtionship. The biggest fear i had when my ex broke up with me was that I was back to the way I was before the realtionship: alone, unhappy, and depressed. Don't let the same thing happen to you. Try to join a club where you can meet and make friends with people who have similar interests as you. If you're not happy about the way you look, than join a gym or simply start going for walks. Exercise releases endorphina and makes you feel good, plus its healty, and you'll feel better because you are actually doing something as opposed to sitting around moping about how you're alone (trust me I've been there many times).

 

Hope I helped and Best of Luck to you,

mtastic

 

P.S. Girls, your posts are helpful. It feels good to be reminded there are some nice girls out there who aren't looking for a jock or male model, but a guy with some intelligence who might not be perfect.

[Scout]

mtastic, you sound like a good guy yourself. Smart, realistic, yet optimistic, which shouldn't we all strive to be as we only have this one life?

[ck]

b]@ topic creator[/b]

 

Hmm Been there and still experience what your going through, I will let you know right now there are some myths flying around in this country.

 

1st myth "that love will find you"

 

*clears throat* If anybody other than attractive people (especially women) has ever happened to have a person fall into your lap let me know? I have not seen this yet in my whole 23 years of living, that is unless your a girl because they get hit on 24/7.

 

Myth 2 "looks don't matter"

 

I shouldn't even have to explain this one, that is a bold face lie. Anybody tell you They would date freddy Kruger (a bad example but I have to make extremes) is just a big fat liar and you should not trust her.

 

Of course not everyone finds the same thing attractive, but come on don't lie about it you will just look even more silly.

 

Myth 3 "Confidence will get you the women"

 

What they forgot to mention was if your not just totally uncahngably ugly you have a chance, otherwise how can people tell you about confidence when they have a false sense of confidence themselves? Remember half of the people who you have asked get asked out? Why don't they do the asking?

 

Myth 4 "fat = ugly"

 

Contrary to popular belief if your just fat you have a better chance of getting a date than if your both, or just ugly. I have seen a lot of big people with dates.

 

Go ahead lose weight and if your as ugly as you say try talking to women and pay attention to their attitudes and facial expression.

 

Unless you need plastic surgery I would say anything changable like clothes, glasses, pimples, fat, ECT can be changed. But like a member of Acmelove posted If your ugly girls will ignore you in the worst way and give you a very hard time.

[doorik]

Ck's opinion is spot on IMHO.

[doorik]

Another myth is probably "I want a guy who makes me laugh" as one the standard responses women use to not sound shallow

[ck]

Another myth is probably "I want a guy who makes me laugh" as one the standard responses women use to not sound shallow

 

LOL Oh yeah I forgot about that one Doorik the famous "I want a guy who makes me laugh" , or A.K.A. the guy who has a sense on humor; which is true to some degree, but like I siad in myth 3 about confidence It will only get you as far as the girl lets you get with her? Meaning you can't just look like Jerry lewis and act like him, then expect them to accept you. The farthest you will get with your jokes if she ain't attracted to you is friendship, and lets be honest how many time can you be Just friends with everyone Until you get tired of it?

[Lily04]

I just wanted to add in as other posters have suggested, since it seems like you're unsatisfied with your appearance, I would definitely work on that. It will boost your self-esteem and that's important, esp. when you're breaking up, so you can handle it. It's just something to do for yourself..whenever I feel something is lacking in myself, I always try to improve it, whether it's looks or personality, etc. I feel it just makes me a better person overall & really does help me have a more positive outlook on life.

 

Good luck,

 

sparrow

[Scout]

Gee - I honestly do like guys who are funny and make me laugh. What's so shallow about that??

[doorik]

Gee - I honestly do like guys who are funny and make me laugh. What's so shallow about that??

 

There's nothing wrong with it. What is wrong is when a guy asks a girl "what are you looking for in a guy?" The standard response is almost without question something to the effect of "first of all, I want a guy that makes me laugh." When in all honesty everyone knows looks come first before anything else.

[doorik]

Think about it this way scout, I am sure that u have many extremely funny guy FRIENDS yet I doubt that many of them are "date worthy" to you.

 

The worst part of this whole "I want a guy that makes me laugh" syndrome (DEF: symptoms that collectively indicate or characterize a disease, psychological disorder, or other abnormal condition) is that a lot of guys are "funny" and "sweet" yet are perpetually single.

 

So if u are a normal lady, I'm sure u have a lot of these "funny" and "sweet" guys that u would rather gouge out your eyes with dull, rusty spoons, dipped in battery acid, and covered with salt before u would consider dating them.

 

-Doorik-

[Mun]

I remember going on a blind date with a man who I did not find attractive in the least and thinking " I'm glad lunch will only last one hour" because I planned to bolt out of there as soon as the check was paid. To my surprise ( and probably his) we stayed and talked for three hours, he made me laugh more times than not, and I feel in love with him--maybe not that day but over the next few months. He toyed with me about trying to keep me from running out of the building before coffee was served but by the end of the date I honestly didn't want to go home. I was home.

 

Before him I had dated a large man. Nice looking and intelligent and very overweight. I liked him very much. The weight was not an issue. We were not looking for the same thing and didn't see each other anymore.

 

I don't think a man has to be a model-look-a-like to attract a woman. I dated one like that too and honestly, I would rather spend time with the "lunch" guy.

 

I want a man that I am attracted to and if he makes me laugh well then I hit the jackpot !

[wlfpack81]

Just drink like I do to purge any feelings of life..lol If you're ugly as I am you'll never be able to accept it so at least drink to get a buzz and feel happy, even if the happiness is fake.