She's seeing someone, but it's not serious...

[whitefang]

I have been head over heals about this girl for over 7 months and i haven't stop loving her. I have had my fare share of emotional turmoil with this girl but i've survived so far and i will again if needs be. I have found out that she's seeing someone but it's not serious as he is already engaded to someone else and i've spoken to one of her friends and she says that she really does like me alot but as a friend at the moment. We've been txting each other the last couple of days and she wants to meet up together (as friends) which is what i want because if this relationship that she's in isn't serious then i might have some chance of showing her what i can offer her and what she could have rather than this fantasy with this bloke who's only probably going to end up breaking her heart.

 

I care too much to have a her upset and i just want to know what should i do besides being myself when im out with her. I had thought that we'd go shopping or something and let her choose something as a little present.

 

Im trying to think of things and it's hard, can anyone please help.

 

Thanks,

 

- whitefang

[lillady898]

Looking at this from a woman's standpoint, I think you shouldn't get too incredibly involved with her while she is with another man, regardless of it being serious or not. It could probably cause more confusion for her.

 

My advice is just be a friend to her, and be there if she does get hurt.

 

Who she wants to be with and what she wants to do is entirely her decision, the only thing others can really do is offer advice and stand by her side.

 

It's kind of like a respect thing.

 

In the end, she'll probably see what a great person you are.

[Optimistic37]

im in the same kind of situation. I like this girl soo much now I think im falling in love with her. However, she has a boyfriend and it really gets me down. I have told a mate of mine (girl) about how I feel and she recommends I just tell her.

 

I would love to tell her how i feel about her but I cant bring myself round to doin it. We have such a strong friendship and I dont want to wreck it.

 

Im a very passive person and I always keep my feelings to myself, no matter how much they hurt me. I suppose this is my tragic flaw

[CarterJonas]

hi whitefang,

 

All you can do at the moment is be a friend to this person. When you go out, the best thing to do is to be yourself, as you said. If you try and be somebody your not, she will see straight through you. I do feel though that the 'date' must be relaxed and fun. Make it known to her that you want to be her friend, even if not at the moment you can't be her boyfriend.

 

 

Shopping with a bit of lunch is a fine idea. Have a nice time

[whitefang]

Thanks for responding you guys, i really appreciate it.

 

I feel that at the moment i can only be a friend because i don't want to hurt, confuse or make her have ill feelings with me for trying to get in the way. I've waited a long time for her and i now know that she has some feelings for me but i suppose i can wait longer for her.

 

I love her and im willing to do anything for her, she means the world to me. If we do go out im going to do as you suggest CarterJonas and just be myself and just the both of us have fun. The last thing i want her to do is hate me, if that were to happen it would devistate me.

 

Thanks everyone, for your advice .

 

- whitefang

[whitefang]

Well, i've screwed up. I sent her a txt but she hasn't replied 2 it there could be reasons behind this but i just feel like i've pushed her away. It's tearing me apart inside but there's nothing i can do. I just feel like im being a pain to her when i txt and i am but she wont admit so im not going to txt her now for a few days because i feel bad. I hate myself because i get myself so worked up over stupid things and over the fact that im probably never going to be with this girl. Im pathetic i know, im not going to be able to servive the summer holidays .

 

There's times i just want to curl up and die or be someone else. I hate my life so much, i wish it wasn't full of so many complications .

 

- whitefang

[RayKay]

Whoa, before you get too upset and fear that you have pushed her away....take a deep breath!

 

I know EXACTLY how you feel, as I often feel like that with my ex (guilty for contacting him or something even if I should not), and I beat myself up over it. Don't do this. If she does not respond, give it a couple days, or even a week, and I am going to guess if she is your friend, she will contact you.

 

As other posters have said, just be her friend, stay cool and be PATIENT. I know patience is very hard to have in our world these days (we are used to having what we want when we want it!) but be strong. Chances are, if it is not serious, and given her age, her current relationship will not last forever. Don't make any moves on her, as it could cause resentment later on and is not the best foundation to start a relationship. Be her friend.

[whitefang]

Hi RayKay,

 

Thank you for replying to my post, I really appreciate the advice you've given. I really hope she does contact me, because i don't know what i'd do if she didn't i hate not having friends. Not that i have many now, their all moving away and i feel lonely at the moment so i sent her a txt but i didn't tell her the real reason. I just hope that it's not a serious relationship, even though i want the best for her i want to her to be with me. I haven't made any moves on her and im not going to but i just feel that i've been bugging her even though she has said that im not, i just feel lonely and need someone… i need her.

 

I don't want her to hate me nor do i want to confuse her she means everything to me. I sent her a txt message saying sorry for being a pain and that i felt guilty for bothering her so much and that i wouldn't txt her for a while (it probably wasn't the best move ). At the time i just felt so bad and upset i didn't know what to do, i just want her to know that im there for her if she needs me.

 

It hurts so much when someone doesn't return the affection that you give (or try too), i haven't had much luck with girls and i can sometimes be clingy and this is what i feel im being with her even though im not in the way i want, i hate myself for being this way .

 

My life seems to be going for bad to worse…

 

Thanks,

 

- whitefang

[achates]

So how did it turn out?

[whitefang]

Well, seen as someone want's to know it's been made official with this guy she's seeing. To be quite honest i don't care anymore, she's the one missing out and as much as i love her i want only the best for her if i can't be more than a friend then at least im a friend.

 

It's going to be hard seeing her in September at college but as i said i slowly getting over her and by the time it's September i'll be too busy with course work to even think about her.

 

Im now concentrating on my career and making myself a better person. It's going to take sometime but it's slowly coming back to normal. My parents are having alot of arguments lately and it's been stressing me out so it's not helping with some other problems that i have... but then again it's life.

 

Someone special will come along soon for me, just gotta wait and not look because im not going to find anything by looking... it's what i've been doing wrong all this time.

 

- whitefang

[CarterJonas]

I'm sorry about the girl, but as you say concerntrate on yourself.

 

Remember that the harder you look for a girlfriend, the harder it will be. Just be yourself and you'll soon find somebody new.

[Day_Walker]

Why do you feel the need to buy her a "lil present"? Look at what your actions are telling her, you are giving this female a present just for spending time with you as a friend. Communicating with her friends about how she feels about you isnt a good idea either because her friend will end up communicating your questions to her. The problem is that you are too concerned with how this female feels about you, the idea is to go out with this female and see how you two interact with eachother (aka if there is a connection, which means the connection goes both ways). You want to create a situation where you two are having fun together and enjoying eachothers company, this will build her interest in you. I doubt that it is possible to salvage this situation since she most likely knows how strong your feelings for her are. Remember this for next time, be her friend and not a guy looking to get with her, enjoy the time that you two spend together and dont talk about how you feel about her so that it will get back to her (preferrably learn to keep emotions like that to yourself)

[whitefang]

All the stuff that's happened it doesn't matter anymore, im not going to be with her. Im just going to be myself from now on and be a friend to her, with me not having feelings for her anymore might make it alot easier to talk to her.

 

As i said it doesn't matter anymore, im now spending my time concentrating on making myself and making myself feel better. Apart from this there has been some other problems adding to my life at the moment and i can just do with out.

 

My biggest problem is i care too much and i put other people's problems first before mine and eventually i just forget my problem but they don't go away... most probably got a really large filing cabinet somewhere in the back of my mind with nothing but problems lol (should empty it really).

 

Thanks,

 

- whitefang

[achates]

Hi

This being friends thing is very tricky when you have these kind of feelings for someone, I was friends with a girl called Wendy, I would send her a text, e-mail or phone and then sit there waiting for a reply, if a reply did not come the same day I would worry that I had done something wrong, all sort of things would go through my mind and I would think about it contantly.

You have to learn not to be so obbesed, it can be quite frighening for the person recieving the attention, how would you like it from someone you have no strong feelings for?.

After three years my situation worked out fine and now Wendy contacts me as often as I her, this is the way it should be, we have a good relationship and i feel we both get something out of it, it takes time,

so it can work but you have to build slowly.

Take care

[whitefang]

It's not going to work, so im not going to bother anymore. Too much work, i've tried my best and poured my heart and got nothing so i don't really care anymore if im a friend im a friend and that's it, it's her loss.

 

Yes i admit i was a little obsessed with her because she was the only one that actually made made me feel special i guess it wasn't ment to be so my fault nothing gained nothing lost (in some ways).

 

Thanks,

 

-whitefang