I am so bloody awful

[Mrs_Spoon]

 

 

For the record, I don't know why I let myself do this. I've been temping in an office this summer, and on my last day I kissed my colleague who has a girlfriend/fiancee of 3 years. I'd only been there a month, and because he was training me, I spent more time with him than I imagined I would, and we got on very well. He was (and is) selfless, kind and makes fantastic company. Initially I was over the moon that I'd made a good friend and never saw this happening. He's had his fair share of life crisises and whenever I listened to him I would admire him for the way he's dealt with everything. In all fairness my feelings never extended beyond the platonic, I would never let myself be romantically inclined towards him. His girlfriend is evidently a very beautiful and special young woman, he has pictures of her round his desk area.

 

After a while, he would joke with me, about how I was beautiful and pretty and how he'd like to kiss me, and it seemed very silly, so I laughed it off. Eventually the flirting floodgates opened and I didn't realise how wrong it was to flirt back, because I promised myself that I wouldn't take anything other than friendship. He did ask for one or two other 'favours', but I made it clear I wouldn't. He also apologised for his behaviour, and because I hate being over-sensitive, I let it go. On my last working day, we stayed late together taking phone calls, and to cut waxing lyrical over my sin, I stepped way over the boundary and kissed him....I was saying my goodbyes to him, and we were a little bit over each other, and although his hands decided to travel to other parts of my anatomy I stopped him. I don't condone cheating in any shape or form, and I really hate myself for what I've done and my head is ridden with images of his beautiful girlfriend and what a cruel person I've been.

 

I know the old saying of 'what goes around comes around' does indeed arise in its true form, and I know one day that if I am cheated on, I will have deserved it and will bear anything that comes my way the best way as I can. I know him and I are not likely to see each other again, which I hope can be the best way forward, because although I still love him as a friend, I can't help but feel disgusted with my behaviour. Any words of wisdom would be really welcome, because I can't stop crying with shame.

[ForAnother]

You really shouldn't be worried. its him doing the wrong thing. He is flirting and leading you on making you believe that there might be something else involved. He should have been man enough to say to himself that he is devoted to his Fiancee and that he loves her, and that some girl at work doesn't have the power to change that. He is a jerk to even flirt with you or tell you he Wanted to kiss you. Its his fault... don't yo worry about it.

 

ForAnother

[Val_76]

You kissed him? and you feel awfull for that? I'm afraid this is a secret you should take with you to the grave...

 

Anyway he was the one cheating, not you, unless you have a boyfriend/husband you didn't talked to us about. You never took it to the level where he wanted to take it so I think you resisted really well. Take this as a very nice present to him for your goodbye day.

[Meow18]

Well I think it was wrong of you to kiss him when you knew he had a fiance, but whats done is done. There's nothing you can do about it except hope that you never see him again & you control yourself a little better next time. Obviously it seems as though you have learned something through this, so I'm doubting that you will let it happen again.

We all make mistakes. You were not totally wrong here. You did something that you felt you wanted to or needed to do. He should have stopped you. He should have had respect for his fiance. You were right in stopping it all from going further & I think that shows a lot about you. It shows that you don't just care about yourself, but you care about his fiance. I think a lot of other girls in your position would have been jealous to death of her, & not care about her feelings, just as long as they got to be with him, but you thought about her.

Don't regret what you did, just be happy you learned from your mistake & move on. If you keep thinking about how horrible it was for doing what you did, you are going to go crazy because you can't do anything to take it back. The only thing left to do is accept that you made a mistake (we all do) & learn from it & try to never do that again.

[sisterlynch]

This guy doesn't have proper boundaries. As soon as he said "you are beautiful and I'd like to kiss you" that was sexual harassment. The first couple of times that you encounter sexual harassment it seems flirty and ok; but in the future you will learn that a co worker shouldn't be sharing his feelings with you so openly.

 

You need to chuck this up to a learning experience and put it behind you. If you find yourself thinking about it compulsively then I would look into counseling.

 

One kiss if that is all it was shouldn't hurt anyone especially if you never see him again, you could just say to yourself that it was a good bye kiss.

 

Can I also make a comment about where you call him--selfless?

 

Selfless means that he was training you to help you and to help the company. But did I understand that he also asked you for "favors"?

 

Does that tell you something?

[Cecelius]

I've heard worse. Do you have any residual feelings about him?

 

I would let it go, stay away from him (since you participated too and it wasn't just him taking liberties), and not worry about it other than to make sure it never happens again.

[Mrs_Spoon]

Thank you very much for cheering me up (sorry to reply a little late!) - And no, I have no boyfriend or husband or any such equivalent to answer to

 

 

 

 

You kissed him? and you feel awfull for that? I'm afraid this is a secret you should take with you to the grave...

 

Anyway he was the one cheating, not you, unless you have a boyfriend/husband you didn't talked to us about. You never took it to the level where he wanted to take it so I think you resisted really well. Take this as a very nice present to him for your goodbye day.

[Mrs_Spoon]

Hello! Thank you for the message - I'm just still very angry with the whole affair but I never felt romantically inclined towards him, which if I did, would have made things a hell of a lot worse. He isn't a bad human being, and in all honesty it is my fault, because I should have resisted more, and what I did cannot be condoned with excuses whatsoever. Thank you yet again for the helpful advice

 

 

 

I've heard worse. Do you have any residual feelings about him?

 

I would let it go, stay away from him (since you participated too and it wasn't just him taking liberties), and not worry about it other than to make sure it never happens again.

[get mad get everyth]

He's wrong, but you were too... for a cheating act takes two persons, you and him

Shame on you!! because you knew he had a fiancee

because someone like you I lost 5 years of marriage, i don't have a father for my child, and I've lost 20 pounds

Think before act

that's my advice

[Scout]

Hey, Get Mad...she says she feels awful and she stopped before it went any further. In your situation, the other woman obviously did neither. I sympathize with you very much, I know that must have been a horrible time in your life. But...this poster didn't do anything nearly that bad.

 

Mrs. Spoon, I think you just had a very vulnerable moment. Every now and then, no matter how happy we are as single people, we can get a longing for human affection. You just had a weak moment. Kudos for you for not letting it get much further. It's not your fault, and well, maybe he just had a weak moment, too. But I don't think you'd want to get involved any further with this guy...you realize it's morally wrong, and obviously you have a conscious.