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"women perfer men who are within their leagues,men just tend to choose the best in town"

cursedgirl

By cursedgirl
in Dating Advice

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Cognitive_Canine Enthusiast

Cognitive_Canine

Posted
Posted

But why only average if they have a great personality?

 

Again, I do not understand this correlation of average with unattractive.

 

I'd date average if they have an average personality because average is pretty darn good. Why does a personality have to "make up" for average looks when average is pretty darn great to begin with?

 

Also, listen to the men responding to you here too. It's not just women who are giving you advice and I think most (the scientist in me won't let me say all) of the men are giving outstanding advice that you should listen to.

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Sparkly Eyes Collaborator

Sparkly Eyes

Posted
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But why only average if they have a great personality?

 

Again, I do not understand this correlation of average with unattractive.

 

I'd date average if they have an average personality because average is pretty darn good. Why does a personality have to "make up" for average looks when average is pretty darn great to begin with?

 

Also, listen to the men responding to you here too. It's not just women who are giving you advice and I think most (the scientist in me won't let me say all) of the men are giving outstanding advice that you should listen to.

 

This is interesting, I dunno why people have such a bad idea about what average is. Honestly, I think most girls around my age are pretty good in the looks area, and obviously that should make average something good rather than something repulsive.

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Cognitive_Canine Enthusiast

Cognitive_Canine

Posted
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I mean, an average person would be a 5 (don't believe in the scale but trying to make this understandable in universal terms), but everyone is talking about it like an average is a 3!

 

Most people are average. That's why average is average! It's the mean attractiveness of everyone. Since most people fall in the middle of attractiveness, most people are average.

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Cognitive_Canine Enthusiast

Cognitive_Canine

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Honestly, I just don't think LBS expresses himself very well because the woman he put up as him having a crush on I would describe as average. She was cute and attractive and she was completely average in my eyes.

 

I think LBS is trying to explain his situation to us in different terms than the rest of us are using and it's causing backlash. This just illustrates how LBS needs to have more social interaction to align himself with how most people explain the dating world (at least what jargon and relativity).

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Cognitive_Canine Enthusiast

Cognitive_Canine

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You're right that average doesn't mean "most" but most people fall in the middle of the scale. And, more people are more average than more anything else.

 

Also, I rarely come accross an unattractive person. I see people with a lot of potential but rarely anyone truly unattractive. Most of my guy friends would have women crawling over them if they just got the right hair cut and spruced up their wardrobe.

 

Not getting to level 85 in WoW within 3 days of the expansion would probably help a lot of them too....

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LightbulbSun Rising Star

LightbulbSun

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Honestly, I just don't think LBS expresses himself very well because the woman he put up as him having a crush on I would describe as average. She was cute and attractive and she was completely average in my eyes.

 

I think LBS is trying to explain his situation to us in different terms than the rest of us are using and it's causing backlash. This just illustrates how LBS needs to have more social interaction to align himself with how most people explain the dating world (at least what jargon and relativity).

 

Thank you, Cognitive! Finally someone gets where I'm coming from!

 

I guess I have a hard time explaining myself. I tend to be disconnected from my peers, and can't relate to them. I consider myself 'different', or 'eccentric.' Even one of my coworkers I once overheard whispering to another coworker, "J is not exactly normal, is he?"

 

I tend to gravitate towards the quirky types. I guess I'd consider myself, if I had to pinpoint a character on a tv show that I relate to most, it's Sheldon from "The Big Bang Theory." I tend to be off in my own world most of the time, I am very unusual, and people have a hard time understanding where I'm coming from. They like me, but they have a hard time relating to me...unless they're quirky themselves, in which case we get along.

 

And I definitely don't understand the dating world. I don't understand things like, "wait three days after the date to call her"...I'd call her as soon as I got home, to say that I loved the date. However, that would be perceived as needy, I suppose...even though I'm just acting normal by doing that. I'd expect someone to call me after a date if they enjoyed talking and wanted to talk some more, so why would it be unusual?

 

I guess I just don't understand the whole dating etiquette. For example, I didn't know an "attractive girl" was different than "someone you're personally attracted to." Same as "Pretty girl" is different from "Someone you personally find pretty." I guess I relate it to how I see it, and don't see how people can take my words so out of context, when I mean something completely different.

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Cognitive_Canine Enthusiast

Cognitive_Canine

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I am still working on being "more normal" myself LBS. I have this problem where I don't show emotion as much as other people when I'm doing things. I just kind of zone out in the face. People at work will say 'what's wrong?' or 'what do you need?" because I look sad or lost. It's getting better but I have to actively focus on showing emotion. Eventually I'll do it naturally but I didn't learn a lot of things that "normal" people do when growing up because I didn't have that much social interaction when I was very young.

 

You can change it, but you have to recognize it first and then actively think about it for a while until it becomes more natural.

 

I'm also introverted and overstimulation (such as too much noise) causes me to emotionally and mentally withdraw. I need complete silence when doing even the simplest of math or else it's too much at once. My line of work really isn't my suite...I can do it but I'm not going to be at my best.

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theartofruin Contributor

theartofruin

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With regards to the confusing dating rules, that's because you have no experience.

 

When I was younger I too would be smothering a girl with compliments and "let's do this again IMMEDIATELY" thinking that was normal (if you like someone you tell 'em, right?). Naturally that strategy doesn't work. A few years later, after realising there is more than one girl out there, I take my time and don't put any pressure on somebody.

 

If I took a girl out tonight and she was all over me tomorrow calling nonstop and saying how great things were, I'd be a bit weirded out. I'd think she had no other options and was desperate. I'd wonder why she didn't want to hang out with her friends, and why she had so much free time. Stuff like that. But these are the kind of things you're only going to learn with actual living experience.

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LightbulbSun Rising Star

LightbulbSun

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I guess I just need to get dating experience. You can't learn how to swim until you jump in the pool, right?

 

Tomorrow, I'm going to invite my current crush on a coffee date. Or at least feel out how well she likes me. If she only wants friendship, that's fine, because I'm not that invested in the outcome...I'd like to get to know her, and to date her, but the world won't end if we end up as just friends.

 

Plus, her friend is also pretty cute as well. So there are always options. There are so many girls on campus, surely one has to be single and into a guy like me.

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theartofruin Contributor

theartofruin

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Tomorrow, I'm going to invite my current crush on a coffee date. Or at least feel out how well she likes me. If she only wants friendship, that's fine, because I'm not that invested in the outcome...I'd like to get to know her, and to date her, but the world won't end if we end up as just friends.

 

Best of luck to you buddy, I hope you follow through and have a good time!!

 

And yeah, as CC says nobody likes being second best.... but if you become friends with this 'crush' but nothing develops, sometime down the line she may introduce you to another friend who you get on great with!

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newwave Community Regular

newwave

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LBS, me not dating dads has NOTHING to do with this thread. Now if I was a single mom and refused to date dads you could make the comparison, but not in this respect. I guess the closest would be if I was obese (I'm not) and refused to consider obese men. This is my point which you keep missing.

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LightbulbSun Rising Star

LightbulbSun

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LBS, me not dating dads has NOTHING to do with this thread. Now if I was a single mom and refused to date dads you could make the comparison, but not in this respect. I guess the closest would be if I was obese (I'm not) and refused to consider obese men. This is my point which you keep missing.

 

And the point that I made that some overweight people date skinny people, you haven't missed?

 

Oh, and thanks for calling me obese. I'm not obese, thank you very much.

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newwave Community Regular

newwave

Posted
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And the point that I made that some overweight people date skinny people, you haven't missed?

 

Oh, and thanks for calling me obese. I'm not obese, thank you very much.

 

I wasn't calling you obese. I'm not sure where you got that. Sure SOME overweight people date skinny people, but MANY overweight people (not calling you overweight) who only want skinny people find themselves alone.

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cursedgirl Enthusiast

cursedgirl

Posted
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I guess I just need to get dating experience. You can't learn how to swim until you jump in the pool, right?

 

Tomorrow, I'm going to invite my current crush on a coffee date. Or at least feel out how well she likes me. If she only wants friendship, that's fine, because I'm not that invested in the outcome...I'd like to get to know her, and to date her, but the world won't end if we end up as just friends.

 

Plus, her friend is also pretty cute as well. So there are always options. There are so many girls on campus, surely one has to be single and into a guy like me.

 

that would be the right thing to do. once you get real experience,you will be much more realistic.

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Fudgie Grand Master

Fudgie

Posted
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I think LBS should find someone that he finds attractive both on the inside and outside. I'm not saying he should go with someone who he doesn't find attractive, but he shouldn't be basing his dates on looks alone. What makes a couple happy with each other is how compatible they are in terms of personality, having common interests, etc.

 

By your logic, no woman over 40+ would be finding true love. But it happens. It happens for men too.

And I completely disagree over your comment "value decreases as you age." I find the opposite to be true, actually. Since when is physical attractiveness the only measure of someone's "value"? I know many older women who are happily married to men who find them attractive and I consider them to be infinitely more valuable than girls my age, simply because of who they are. And yes, many of them are still attractive. Age doesn't necessarily make people look worse, they just make them look differently. And men age too.

 

But you're young, I think you still have time to sort things out, Manco. Just sort of sad to see someone with that point of view, who thinks that relationships can be boiled down to just finding the "youngest, hottest thing" out there and no soul connecting. I'm hoping someday, you'll see that this isn't true. It would be interesting to see how you'd feel when you're 60-something and still hold this view. I can guarantee you that you will not find anyone of true value to be with. Anyone with an ounce of self esteem would not stay with someone when they know that they are just liked for their youth and attractiveness.

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Fudgie Grand Master

Fudgie

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Hey, I've never gone for the arrogant, terrible, overly-confident conceited men who just want to get laid. That's the most unattractive thing ever.

 

I'm taking your advice with a grain of salt because a) the only person I knew with your opinion was bitter and b) you're young...of course you're not going to like older women. I'd love to see how your opinion will change as you get older.

 

I'm not really taking offensive, except when you tell me what "I am supposed to find attractive", because that's not true. Just find it very sad that someone would have this poor opinion of love in general.

 

And most of the guys on here are having problems finding girls because a) they don't get out enough b) they have shy and have anxiety and c) they may make mistakes and turn women off. And yes, most of them WOULD disagree with you.

 

You're welcome to be that conceited, horrible man that you think that women oh-so-love, but I can promise you, you aren't going to find love. Sure, you'll find someone to be with you, but with that attitude, it will never be love. But I'm not really sure that you much mind, as long as you have a female, am I right? Yep.

 

EDIT: forgot to mention...what about aging men? You talk about how men don't like aging flesh. Have you thought about how this applies to women? It's not exactly pretty for us either.

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kirk Newbie

kirk

Posted
Posted
Yet, when a man states his preferences, he is being shallow...Please.

 

The only thing you've said so far that I agree with is this.

 

And most of the guys on here are having problems finding girls because a) they don't get out enough b) they have shy and have anxiety and c) they may make mistakes and turn women off. And yes, most of them WOULD disagree with you.

 

Don't you think one of the reasons is because some women can be too picky?

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