...am i doing the right thing?Help Needed Please Read Update

[kauaiangirl83]

Hi,

thanks for pming me. I agree with most of the people that already posted. I think that you really need to let go and try to make urself happy without him. Don't worry so much about what he's doing and concentrate on yourself. i know that you care about him a lot. That's understandable since you were with him for 4 years. I think that you should email his mom back. If he really wants to get back with you, he knows how. He knows where you live, he could stop by or whatever. I know that it's hard to be patient, so do something that gets ur mind off of him. Hang in there!

[LaSirena]

In answer to your PM, here's my perspective.

 

You said that he only sought you out when he was "bored and lonely." And that his friends were a greater priority that you. That he initiates contact, and then decides to cut you off.

 

I've really heard nothing that makes me understand why you're so miserable and dejected over a boy that can treat you this way. I say boy, because a man knows what side his bread is buttered on. And he knows who butters it: his woman. This boy is crumbling his bread up and feeding it to the squirrels!

 

He wants to see you when he's bored and lonely?! What are you, an entertainment system with surroundsound? What is he bringing to YOU when he comes to you bored and lonely? What can a bored and lonely person give to anyone? He's not bringing you anything, he's coming to you to take. Personally, I want a man coming to me because he loves me and is happy to be with me. Not because there's nothing on cable.

 

You feel his friends are a priority? Well, then when he wants sexual intimacy, let him call his friends. When he needs a shoulder to cry on, let him call his friends. When he's hanging by his fingernails from the ledge of a 40-story building at 3 AM, let him call his friends. See if they get out of bed to help him.

 

Instead of being sad, you should be furious. And you should be grateful that he's gone off somewhere to give someone else a miserable time. The best thing you did was disconnect your telephone. Why sit there and wait for a call that either never comes, or, if it comes, it's only because some lonely and bored sad sack doesn't have anything better to do? I was once separated from someone for 3.5 years. I moved cross country, and then moved again intrastate. Guess what? He FOUND my phone number without even knowing where the hell I was. If this boy wants to find you (and you should hope against hope that he doesn't), he can and will.

 

If you do indeed have a problem with being "clingy and smothering" now is the time to think about it and deal with it. Think about anything and everything about YOU that you can improve. To make you happy and self-sufficient and able to cope with other people with "personality disorders". In preparation for the better man who will eventually appear in your life.

 

Yes, you love him despite all of this. Everyone has loved someone who wasn't worth it. It's the worst feeling that there is. But if you move on and work on yourself, for yourself, you'll find that you'll attract a man who IS worth it. And you'll be glad that this boy freed you to find him.

 

Take a second look at your situation. That's my perspective.

[mtastic]

Hi losinghope,

 

I have to say i agree with LaSierna to a great degree. If he was putting his friends ahead of you while you were in the relationship, you can definitely do better. Besides, its been over two months since you heard from him, and he hasn't had the courtesy to contact you and see how you're doing. I know this is hard, and I know you still love him, but you deserve alot better.

 

Mike

[Clarabelle]

I'm in agreement with Mike and La Sirena. Sounds like you want him to be a good guy, but the facts speak for themselves. YOu are doing great. One day soon I'm sure it's going to hit that you feel good, better than you have in a long time, and that your life is moving forward.

[jennifermlaw]

i agree with fantasia. he will come around when he is ready. I'm sorry for the sadness you are feeling. It will get better, you just need to get on with your life, if you two were meant to be together, you will get back someday. =) good luck.