Whats literallly wrong with me?

[Shinobie]

No matter the age or anything,way i meet them,or kind of place i am every women usually dislikes me.Its just females all together it seems like they never ever like me is it something im doin wrong and why would they dislike me?I try to be so nice all people including women but they always seem to think imma moron or something.Like lil girls back in 6th grade would bother me,stupid mean popular girls would bother me in 8th grade,ones i meet now and at high school seem to dislike me after a short while,even older women i work with who r waitresses.Ill bus their tables and be nice and do things for them and then i get snide remarks from some and i dont know why... there r those few that r nice but not many ever.Ive always been bothered by girls ever since after i was like 8.I literally do not know whats wrong with me and its starting to bother me i dont get why it seems like they always dislike me....

[Beec]

If this really is that case, that after knowing you for a short while you get an attitude from every woman you meet, then my best and only guess is that something(s) you do or your atttitude must come accross poorly.

 

How do you figure it out? You could ask someone who is nice and with who you are friends. Your only other option is to try to improve your attitude everywhere. I would recommend you try and read something like "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. It's an old book, but the man knew his stuff.

[wlfpack81]

Or it could be that Shinobie, like myself, are part of that small percentage who will never have anyone b/c of our looks. Kind of like the movie Unbreakable in how Bruce Willis's (indestructable character) opposite was Sam Jackson (character fragile to the touch). For every good looking male/female there's an opposite, and ugly mofo like myself. Just luck/unluck of the draw when it comes to genetics. Of course doesn't help that society in general is shallower now than ever.

[Beec]

If you had skills and confidence, then you'd really have to look worse than the elephant man to be that bad off.

[Double J]

You just gotta show a little confidence. That's all. And of course, treat them with respect. I'm sure you're looking into it too much. Maybe you could try approaching ten different girls in school and talking to them about something you learned in class (fake it if you already know the material, hehe) and that will start a conversation. From there you could see how they behave around you, and you're likely to get positive responses. Even if a person has "bad looks," that shouldn't influence how a person treats them all the time. Good luck.

[Beec]

The word you use, charisma, that really hits it on the head. He has charisma. I am sure that attracts women.

 

As to what we think should happen, in an ideal world, and what does happen, these are two different things. I am sure some of the women/girls he gets already know that his intentions might not be what they should be, or they would know if they thought about it. So why do they bother with him? Not so easy a question to answer, for the human mind is not an easy thing to figure out.

 

If you knew something about seduction theory, you might recognize what he does as what has been called the rake. A rake is a text book type of a seducer. I think this clip is taken from "The Art of Seduction":

 

I am the Rake. A woman never quite feels desired and appreciated enough. She wants attention, but a man is too often distracted and unresponsive. The Rake is a great female fantasy-figure - when he desires a woman, brief though that moment may be, he will go to the ends of the earth for her. He may be disloyal, dishonest and amoral, but that only adds to his appeal. Stir a woman's repressed longings by adapting the Rake's mix of danger and pleasure.

 

Good intentions do not get you the babes. Knowing how to get them is a skill involving confidence, charisma, one's ability to converse, etc. Without the good intentions, however, you will probably need to keep using the skills to get another and another and another.

[ridikerous]

I'm sorry about that... but whenever a guy looks down on me for the wrong reasons, I just find it amusing how arrogant or shallow they are, and I forget about it.

And when you're trying to see if girls like you, don't try to hard (I know you didn't, and that you just said that they bothered you and you weren't trying too hard and you were trying to be nice, but that's just an extra note for when you're being nice. Don't act like you crave their approval, but still do act like a gentleman). You might make them uncomfortable if they feel like you're trying to get attention from them.

 

And love yourself. I know you've probably heard that too many times; I did too, until I finally understood it. A person who loves themself is generally more fun to be around because they feel like they should spread their good personality around; they see the good things about themselves, and they accentuate these good things and make the most of them. Everybody has a personal charm, but you need to realize what the good things about yourself are, and feel confident that this makes you just as deserving of attention as the other guys.

 

There are those guys that all the girls like, the popular, funny, very confident ones, and it seems like they'd be good for just about ANY girl, but really on the inside I think they are their own unique selves, and if they showed this part of them not everyone would like them, you would either like them or hate them. I think maybe you just show your unique self, and there will be sweet girls who appreciate you for who you are inside, but not everyone, because you're not trying to be the sugarcoated IDEAL perfect guy who seems right for every girl.

[Beec]

hhhmmm, you know, when I stopped trying to be something else, when I got comfortbale in my own skin and just let being me be enough, that was when I became more popular. Doing that requires a little confidence or an attitude where you really just don't care anymore about whether someone likes you or not. Guess my experience is not the same as yours.

[ridikerous]

What I am saying is you should be proud of your unique personality and who you are, don't try to be an all-around good guy that everyone likes, it's ok if some people don't like you as long as you are being yourself, don't hide the things that make you unique. Not everyone is going to like the real you, but showing the real you is how you find someone who genuinely likes you. Don't try to pick up traits that seem to make guys popular around girls, just realize what's good about you and show off those traits instead.

[Shinobie]

The problem is i dont really know what the real me is and how to enforece it around people maybe how i act around friends is the real me.

[Beec]

I would say that when you are around your friends is when you are most likely just being yourself.

 

But I also know that there are skills involved in how we deal with people and if we use them, people are more likely to like you. One of the oldest books on this is "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. The first two parts of the book explain the follwing principles:

 

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

 

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.

3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

 

Part Two

Six ways to make people like you

 

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.

2. Smile.

3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.

6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

 

 

Some of these are almost tricks, such as using a person's name often. But being a good listener, that's not. It's one fo the things that will help you in almost every facet of life.

 

I'm not going to tell you to read it, but recognize that there are things, skills, you can use that will make it more likely that you are liked.

 

If and when you are not acting, that's when you are yourself.

[ShySoul]

Your 17, at that age (heck, at any age) people can be mean and shallow. I think the vast majority of people in the world tend to be that way. The important thing is to not let it get you down. Be true to yourself, be nice and respectful, and be confident. Realize that anyone who would make fun of you or say mean things about are probably just insecure about themselves and are trying to make themselves feel better by putting others down. If your having trouble finding out who you are, don't worry your not alone. Most people have trouble with this, hence peer pressure being such a big problem for some. Just think about the type of person you want to be deep down without any thought of what others may say or want you to be. What are the things and ideas you believe most in? What is it they you really like to do? Once you figure it out, be that person and don't let anyone get you down because of it. People will like you for you, and if they don't it's their loss.

[northernlights]

Wow, the name thing is a stroke of genius as a tip. I love it when guys use my name (just don't overdo it). It's really...hot. But anyway...

 

Are you really really shy? Really shy guys who do nice things for lots of girls can sometimes come off as looking like the creepy type because girls think that if all they do is look but don't talk, they've got creepy thoughts going on in their mind. Weird, but true.

 

Are you too serious? Can you take a joke or make one? Your immature friend may be popular because of just that...an immature guy can be fun to hang around with at times. Girls like guys who make them laugh.

 

And do you take care of your looks? In response to a previous poster who mentioned that no woman would like his looks...it's really about upkeep. Wear nice clothes. Do your hair or get a haircut that compliments you, no matter what kind of face you have. Look clean, stand up straight...look confident.

You know how they say makeup can make any girl look gorgeous?

It's the same for upkeep with guys.