sadchick83 Posted September 18, 2010 Share Posted September 18, 2010 Your guy sounds like he has trust issues that rot him to the core. Now that you mentioned he kept texting you it makes sense. I once had an 8 month bf, who I caught cheating on me! Anyway, during our relationship my sister and I decided to go to Vegas for the weekend. He kept calling/texting saying I should go out with this person he knew etc- to keep an eye on me. When I returned HE FREAKED OUT! He said he knew people who saw me cheating, He said he knew security guys who worked at the Venitian (sorry cant spell it) who caught me on camera with another guy. He basically went nuts. This is what actually happened: I bumped into some old military friends of mine in the lobby. Two guys from Montreal. They had been camping through California, anyway, they came out with us that night, and I guess my sisters bf, who was best friends with my bf told him I had met up with these guys. It was an absolute coincidence! Nothing happened with me and those guys. But , it triggered this freak out session with my guy. I was innocent!!! This guy wanst even that nice to me throughout the relationship. A week later I caught him in bed with a random woman and he said it was all my fault for cheating!!!! Your guy sounds like my old bf.....and it was the one and only time he freaked. I guess the Vegas vacation was like the wedding!!! Link to comment
DN Posted September 18, 2010 Share Posted September 18, 2010 DN, that's a really scary thing to do. are you sure it will have any effect on him? since the way he behaving right now doesnt seem like he might care.What else do you think will have any effect? he needs to tell you what it is he thinks you did. Link to comment
LOLA MD Posted September 18, 2010 Author Share Posted September 18, 2010 sadchick83, Thank you for sharing. I am sorry that happened to you. I am sure you are a stronger person because of it. I am glad I now know I am not only one who has experienced something as insane as this. I really hope he didn't cheat on me...I don't feel like he did... All I know is when he went to our home city for the week, he was hanging out with his friends and he even texted me then saying how much he missed me and how he was fixing up his apt for us. I am starting to believe that time with his friends has torn us..or rather him apart... ever since he came home, the second day he has been acting shady and weird and I have a feeling something started then and he just needed this time to verify it instead of talking to me. He started acting distant and cold that week. Didn't check up on me. Didn't call me sweet names. just started not being himself when i finally did check up on him he said he didnt have a good signal on his phone and some of the messages he sent wouldnt reach me then he said "fcuk it, im fixing up the apt so if ur my wife we'll have a nice place to be" if? if im ur wife? if? he always used the word when never if then seconds later he asked where is his mother in law was and how she was doing being paranoid that made me think he had doubts about our relationship that never happened until now until he was with his friends and family for the first time after telling them we were serious... and planning to get married (travels a lot like I do for work and sometimes we are away for a month or more at a time depending on the project) I feel so guilty now for stepping outside the house without him..if i knew he had these trust issues i would help him work those out... i would do whatever it took to gain his trust and make him see that we can have trustful and healthy relationship..... Link to comment
LOLA MD Posted September 18, 2010 Author Share Posted September 18, 2010 i feel like i sent so many texts he would just ignore them... can i send that text tomorrow or later... i dont know. i dont want to add fuel to fire u know Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted September 18, 2010 Share Posted September 18, 2010 I think he did what my bf did...freaked for nothing. Maybe one of you jealous friends sabotaged you relationship by making up a bit of a story. It made your man explode Link to comment
LOLA MD Posted September 18, 2010 Author Share Posted September 18, 2010 i just want to fix it .. i dont know how. Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted September 19, 2010 Share Posted September 19, 2010 Just be cool. Dont send him any messages tonight. If you can stand it, let him come to you Link to comment
LOLA MD Posted September 19, 2010 Author Share Posted September 19, 2010 what if he doesnt come...ever... i cant stand the thought that our whole relationship went down the drain because of a LIE. thank you for the advice sadchick83, and everyone else. im gonna wait and see if he comes to me... Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted September 19, 2010 Share Posted September 19, 2010 The only reason I suggest telling him that your going no contact, is that it might a. shock him into realising what hes doing or b. be thebest for you to heal. Basically, you say he was pulling away. It maybe that this is an excuse hes using to get out of the relationship. No one might have told him anything, he might have plucked it out of nowhere. I think you should just say 'Until your willing to speak to me about this like adults, then I dont want any contact' Then your leaving the lines open for any real talks, but none of the stupid stuff. Link to comment
LOLA MD Posted September 19, 2010 Author Share Posted September 19, 2010 SapphireNoir10 and DN, WHY DIDN'T I LISTEN TO GUYS BEFORE?! I DID IT. I TEXTED SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF... NOT WANTING CONTACT ANYMORE BECAUSE HE CANNOT TELL ME THE TRUTH ABOUT WHATS GOING ON. THEN I SAID FORGET ME. HE RESPONDED I CAN FORGET YOU IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT. I RESPONDED: NO THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT, THAT'S WHAT YOU CHOSE TO PUSH ME TO. GOODBYE. HE RESPONDED: NO THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT. TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO BE AND I'LL BE IT. I RESPONDED: I WANT THE TRUTH. NO RESPONSE YET... I BELIEVE IT'S BECAUSE HE IS CROSSING OVER TO A SIDE OF EUROPE WHERE HIS PHONE DOESN'T WORK SO HE IS GOING USE HIS OTHER PHONE... I MEAN..WHAT KIND OF SICK... I MEAN HE ASKED ME HOW I WAS AND WAS ACTING LIKE EVERYTHING WAS NORMAL AND HE WANTED THINGS TO BE LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED I MEAN WHAT ... IM SUCK A SHOCK OVER EVERYTHING AND NOW HE WANTS TO TALK I MEAN... I GOT THIS HORRIBLE PHYSICAL PAIN IN MY BODY EVERYWHERE.. I JUST DONT.. I MEAN OMG.. WHY IS HE PLAYING GAMES WITH MY HEART... I AM A HUMAN BEING I HAVE FEELINGS YOU CANT DO THAT TO PEOPLE... HE STILL HASNT TOLD ME ANYTHING... . Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted September 19, 2010 Share Posted September 19, 2010 Maybe he is Bi polar...massive mood swings! Link to comment
LOLA MD Posted September 20, 2010 Author Share Posted September 20, 2010 Yeah he seems like it... I dont know what to do i want to work this out so bad i dont want my best loving caring relationship to end over something as ridiculous as this. He still gave me no response... Should i wait for him or should i again tell him if he wont talk to me that im done.. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted September 20, 2010 Share Posted September 20, 2010 Don't respond or talk to him unless he talks to you first. Link to comment
DN Posted September 20, 2010 Share Posted September 20, 2010 I agree that you should not contact him again - also if he contacts you tell him only that you will not talk to him unless he tells you what it is you are supposed to have done and who told him. Link to comment
LOLA MD Posted September 20, 2010 Author Share Posted September 20, 2010 OK, thank you SapphireNior10 and DN. I don't know how much longer I can keep that up tho. Wish me luck. Link to comment
DN Posted September 20, 2010 Share Posted September 20, 2010 I think you should keep that up forever. Link to comment
LOLA MD Posted September 20, 2010 Author Share Posted September 20, 2010 so even if he does contact me first and explains everything you still dont think i should forgive him Link to comment
DN Posted September 21, 2010 Share Posted September 21, 2010 No, that's not what I mean. I think you should not contact him unless he contacts you and explains what is was he thinks you did and who told him. Link to comment
LOLA MD Posted September 21, 2010 Author Share Posted September 21, 2010 oh okay. thanks for the advice DN. i'll do my best. you all have been so helpful idk what i would have done if i didnt have here to post. thank you. Link to comment
DN Posted September 21, 2010 Share Posted September 21, 2010 You're very welcome. I too would be mad about being accusd of something and he won't even tell you what it is. Link to comment
LOLA MD Posted September 21, 2010 Author Share Posted September 21, 2010 Yeah.. I pray and hope I find out soon. I am so sick of this, this is too painful especially coming from him. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted September 21, 2010 Share Posted September 21, 2010 Good luck and stay strong, your doing the right thing. Link to comment
LOLA MD Posted September 21, 2010 Author Share Posted September 21, 2010 Hey guys, update. I didn't have to wait very long. Thank god for that... I was awaken by a text message early this morning: "so lola where are you? So what's going on?" he said my name... It hurt but i don't know why. "unless you start telling me the truth we have nothing to talk about." "i am doing good, how are you? What truth do i have to tell you? I hear what i heard and that's it. I am still so hurt that you would call your uncle and tell him what happened, i won't be ordered around." "it's not your business how i am doing. I am no one to you. I didn't call and tell my uncle anything. I only talked to sammy (my aunt). What are you scared of him now and that's why you are talking to me? He won't do anything to you..what do you want from me? I believe that you made this whole thing up and that's why you cannot tell me who and what. And even if you did hear something, god knows i didn't cheat on you or lie to, and that's all that matters now." "i only fear god, i don't like when other people get involved in my private life. When i say something i want it to be that way, i am the type of person who can't be ordered around." "hahahah listen to this, you don't like when people get involved in your private life, yet you still let someone fill your head with lies and get between us..haha...listen my uncle has nothing to do with this. He only felt bad and tried to fix it because he was at the wedding and he knows guys were hesitant to approach me because of his presence. He knows that. And what is it that you want now..to take your anger out on me because of this?.. Oh my life.." he didn't respond because of work i am sure of it. I texted: "since you can't be a man and tell me the truth we have nothing to talk about. Goodbye." ...who in the world let me be by myself with my phone... I texted those immature and ridiculous things out of pure anger and frustration... I probably gave in too much.. And he just sounds like he wants me to know i cannot make him change his mind. Even though i am beyond the point of even trying. I know i will get more messages like this from him... I know him..and he just seems so angry that my uncle got involved i think it hurt his ego or something... But why talk to me and ask me how i am and what's going, where i am if you just want to be angry with me... I can't do this anymore. If he lied about it, just want him to tell me so, i won't be mad and i won't scream i just need to hear the truth, if it was an excuse to get out of the relationship then it's a really lame one and i want him to tell me the real reason so we can talk like normal adults... I am not behaving like one right now and i don't care because i feel so helpless like a child who can't feed itself but is so hungry... I am so hungry for answers...no one goes from loving you and planning marriage and fixing the apt to the next day just plain hating me.... When i ever have a thought of moving on without him..it makes me sick to my stomach i can't even imagine what it would be like without him.. I don't want to... I am doing everything wrong... I want to fix this... I should have just talked to him and said "hey, nothing what's up ?" etc..and hope that eventually during the conversation we would work it out. I feel like i attacked him, threatened him and it breaks my heart.... Link to comment
DN Posted September 21, 2010 Share Posted September 21, 2010 Actually I don't think your responses were immature at all. I think they were spot on. Especially this one "hahahah listen to this, you don't like when people get involved in your private life, yet you still let someone fill your head with lies and get between us.. Link to comment
LOLA MD Posted September 22, 2010 Author Share Posted September 22, 2010 it doesnt feel like that. i know he is hurting now i know he truly believes i cheated on him i want to fix our relationship not end it thats why i feel so ridiculous right now.,, i need re sources for how to act sane while being accused of something insane... ah... i could scream im in so much pain. Link to comment
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