Meeting the ex tonight

[SA2000]

I am meeting the ex tonight to go see a movie. We are seeing something I know we will both love. The story is that I have been NIC with my ex of roughly 6 years for the last 6 weeks. I told her 2 weeks ago that it would be OK if we stay in touch from time to time. She called me a week later and asked if I wanted to go to a movie with her.

 

I know that I should be nonchalant and will not be bringing up recon at all.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Are you prepared to be just her friend and to be okay with the fact that she might be dating others and looking to find a relationship with someone else, not you? Lots of people make the mistake of assuming that spending time with an ex will make their feelings come back...it often has the opposite effect...while the dumpee hopes this is a step in the right direction towards reconciliation, the dumper thinks "wow, it is so nice that we can be on friendly terms even though I am no longer romantically interested in this person." Be very careful and don't view this as a step towards reconciliation.

[Mark33]

what does it mean NIC for 6 months ?

[rapunzel]

I have to agree with CAD. Tread with caution. Assume it is over and have no expectations. Yes, for your own self, be nonchalant but don't expect it will bring her back.

[SA2000]

I understand that I might be setting myself up for a let down. At the same time, I am not sure I want to be in a relationship with her anymore. Our lives seem to be starting down different paths. She has been acting slightly jealous from time to time which leads me to believe she is not ready to be just friends either. I will approach the situation with caution and wont expect anything. I am actually assuming she is dating someone else just to keep myself in check.

 

I do miss her though. As a GF and as a friend. We can't be friends when I still care for her though. We had one recon in the past that lasted 6 months. Neither of us had really changed though so it couldn't work. We will see what happens.

[SA2000]

I have not initiated any contact with her. All calls and texts were initiated by her.

[zinny]

Without reading any back threads... It sounds like you have your head and heart in check with this situation and are proceeding with caution, which is great.

 

I just wanted to wish you the best of luck!

[SA2000]

Without reading any back threads... It sounds like you have your head and heart in check with this situation and are proceeding with caution, which is great.

 

I just wanted to wish you the best of luck!

 

That is exactly what I want it to sound like. Although that may not be the truth. I'll be ok though. I am a naturally calm and happy person. This process has allowed me to find what was missing in our relationship. Me.

[ToF]

That is exactly what I want it to sound like. Although that may not be the truth. I'll be ok though. I am a naturally calm and happy person. This process has allowed me to find what was missing in our relationship. Me.

 

This post as a whole is great; because you've found something very important. But the bolded part scares me. I think you will be calm and collected during your date, and it will go very well, but what is it going to do to your healing?? I really don't think you should take this chance until you're SURE you can handle it.

 

I read your signature. It's a good one, and I think you need to take it to heart in this situation.

[WockaWocka]

That is exactly what I want it to sound like. Although that may not be the truth. I'll be ok though. I am a naturally calm and happy person. This process has allowed me to find what was missing in our relationship. Me.

 

Very poignant. And a great "success story" for those of us who find this site because we want our exes back. Often the relationships have been damaged beyond repair, but finding our true selves in the process of recovery is the best prize of all. Thanks.

 

Let us know how it goes tonight.

[GotMyLifeBack]

You've done a great job to get to this point. Let us know how it turns out.

[SA2000]

Will do for sure. I am hesitant but I always have an open mind.

[mistrall]

best of luck! X M

[SA2000]

Ugh! She said she hadn't heard from me since Tuesday so she thought we weren't going and made other plans. She said well have to do it another night. I told her I didn't have any other night free (true). So she just cancelled. Oh well.

[WockaWocka]

Ugh! She said she hadn't heard from me since Tuesday so she thought we weren't going and made other plans. She said well have to do it another night. I told her I didn't have any other night free (true). So she just cancelled. Oh well.

 

Well, maybe in a way this was good. Seeing her could have been a real setback, and I guess the fact that she made other plans without checking in with you first reveals that she wasn't taking the encounter all that seriously, or had some reservations about it. I think the conclusions you reached above about yourself were far more important than the reunion itself.

 

cheers.

[sunday2010]

Very poignant. And a great "success story" for those of us who find this site because we want our exes back. Often the relationships have been damaged beyond repair, but finding our true selves in the process of recovery is the best prize of all. Thanks.

 

Let us know how it goes tonight.

 

yeah great post finding ourselves is the true prize!!!!

[Julo]

SA2000 I am in the same situation as you. Although I've hung out with my ex 1 one time post BU we made out and said she misses me. She calls and does all the initiating which is fine by me. But she also invited me to go to a theme park with her as well cause she wanted a "date". I would love to have her back but the ball is on her court and I am just taking it one day at a time. We are going to the movies tomorrow. We'll see how that goes

[SA2000]

So after the ex blew me off for seeing a movie I say screw it and go out drinking. Guess who I run into... The ex. She starts with some awkward, uh... I told you I was gonna hang out with one of

my friends and blah blah blah. I tell her I don't care. She says she has been thinking about me. We part and I proceed to get intoxicated.

 

I woke up pretty depressed, realizing that this chick is flakey as hell and that after 5 years, I can't believe she is acting like this. So I call a buddy to hang out to get me out of my rut. He suggests we got to a city that is close but MUCH bigger then the one we live in.

 

We get in the city and I text an old friend I dated 8 years ago to tell her we are in town. She insists we meet and makes plans to meet us after dinner.

 

Background on this girl: We dated for a few months, years ago. We have always gotten along REALLY well. I broke it off with her but we've always laughed a lot together. I'm just not terribly attracted to her because of her goals in life (doesn't want kids, has a degree but only bartends).

 

So I meet her with some other friends. Right away we are joking around and laughing. She keeps getting closer. I'm not drinking but she's drunk. She tells me about something I said 8 years ago that hurt her feelings. I tell her I was young and immature and that I am honestly sorry (which is true). She asks about my BU and says she can't understand how inwas with someone who wasn't as funny as she is for so long. She is clearly still attracted to me. We end up leaving because my buddies wife wants him to come home and it's getting late. I am feeling much better about the ex and realize that maybe she wasn't right for me. I had so much fun with this other girl just laughing and joking. She cracks me up.

 

So I get in pretty late and go straight to bed. I'm feeling much better and optimistic at this point. I'm actually considering moving to the bigger city to get away. On my way home she is texting me telling me that she is drunk but is still attracted to me and hopes I come back and visit soon.

 

I wake up to a text from the ex that was sent at around 4 am. It reads: I figured everything out. Everything completely makes sense now. Hopefully we can talk tomorrow. I want to tell you a bunch of stuff.

 

I haven't spoken to her yet but I am tired of her games. There are other people out there that really appreciate me and could honestly make me happy. I can't honestly say I trust the ex or want to go through this cycle again. I don't know what it is with you ladies but that intuition stuff is crazy. It's like as soon as she senses that she could lose me she wants to meet and talk. We'll entertain the conversation but it will be much easier now that I realize I really don't need that relationship back. I don't even know if I want it back at this point.

[SA2000]

Duplicate post. Oops.

[DN]

She sounds as if she thinks she has you on an rubber band.

[SA2000]

DN Thats what my buddy was saying. He said don't buy into what she is saying. She probably knows that I was in another city with another girl so she wants to pull me back but that she thinks she can bounce back and forth between me and the other guy. I know that I cant allow that to continue. I have plans to go visit my friend in the other city when I get back from vacation. Ill listen to the ex but I am not just jumping right back. It doesn't work like that. We have 0 trust now.