Really liked him but I didn't listen to my instincts

[alive_inside]

I'm feeling so hurt and I just need to get it out somewhere. This guy that I met a while back had contacted me wanting to get together today. When we first met each other, it was bad timing because he had to leave for a few weeks and we sort of lost touch. Everything seemed good when we were together besides this feeling I had, like he was involved with someone else.

 

Normally this shouldn't bother me because I know he wasn't committed to me in any way, and the same goes for me, because I was actively dating others at the time. But it just didn't sit right with me. I could just FEEL that there was something going on and he was playing me, although he insists he wasn't.

 

So when he asked to hang out today I obviously jumped at the opportunity even though I knew I shouldn't have. Before this, he would make plans to see me then break them at the last minute and it would crush me. When I got there he tells me how his "roommate" was there before I was and coincidentally we both go to the same university.

 

Well we were in his room talking, kissing, cuddling and I kept hearing someone beeping the horn outside. I'd also hear these sporadic knocks on his door and he claimed it was his neighbors. Eventually there was a huge knock and it's his "roommate". She comes in and I'm in his bed with my shirt off, it was just awkward and uncomfortable. She seemed angry, and I was so hurt. I didn't even know what to do or say. I just told him not to contact me and he said he was going to call me later anyway. And so I leave and she's just like "leaving already? well it was nice meeting you.. for a second.." And i just didn't even bother to say anything. I was so hurt and made to feel like fool.

 

I guess I should have gone with my gut feeling on him but I didn't and now I feel terrible. I just started school, I don't need this right now. I was feeling so positive and now I just feel like giving up.

[Stay_home]

Sweetheart,

 

Focus on your education, your studies and your future. Worry about men later in life after you already have yourself set in check. Remember, take care of YOU first before you bring anybody else inside to eat. Make sure you eat first.

[LillyLooWho]

Yeah, we always ignore our gut when we see red flags because we are having fun but in the end it comes back to bite us in the tush. I'm sorry that you had to experience that awkward situation. It sounds to me that she is his friend but really likes him or something. I mean, how could she be his girlfriend and be in the same apartment/house with you two while you're making out in his bed? She looks more like the fool if that is what happened. If he calls you again to "hang out", tell him you don't date guys who are seeing other women as well and you will be happy to see him again when he cleans up his act. At this point in my life I am thinking that if a guy really cares about you, he will ditch other women and step up to be the man they should be. If they don't, then we have nobody to blame but ourselves.

[Ariel85]

Im confused - is she his GF or roommate?

 

Sounds to me like they used to date or she has a thing for him. I cant imagine knocking on the bedroom door of the guy I was living with, finding him with a half-naked girl in his bed, and wishing her a "ta ta".

[Ms Darcy]

Agree with Ariel ... something is up.

[alive_inside]

Something is definitely up. She wasn't actually in the house initially while we were hanging out.. later on she was outside of his house knocking and beeping her car horn. Apparently they are no longer roommates and she lives elsewhere now. But still, it's just shady. I agree that it seems like she has a thing for him, and they probably do fool around too, which I feel is messed up because she has a boyfriend.

 

When this all went down he seemed to go into panic mode. He actually wanted me to stay when she got there but ever since he's told me about her I just knew something wasn't right.

 

It just hurts.

[WockaWocka]

Something is definitely up. She wasn't actually in the house initially while we were hanging out.. later on she was outside of his house knocking and beeping her car horn. Apparently they are no longer roommates and she lives elsewhere now. But still, it's just shady. I agree that it seems like she has a thing for him, and they probably do fool around too, which I feel is messed up because she has a boyfriend.

 

When this all went down he seemed to go into panic mode. He actually wanted me to stay when she got there but ever since he's told me about her I just knew something wasn't right.

 

It just hurts.

 

Yeah, I'm sorry. What a crummy situation. It almost sounds like he may have known she was coming and wanted to hurt her? And she found you in bed with him? Hello, boundaries. You were right to extricate yourself from that messed-up situation. The way she treated you was rude and it sounds like he didn't exactly stand up for you in front of her. Ugh. Sorry.

 

Learning to trust your gut is a painful process, but in the end so worthwhile.

Good luck.

[alive_inside]

The more I think about it the more I start feeling even worse. I chose to ignore the red flags... all I could ever think about while I was with him was this roommate situation. Looking back, thinking about the smug grin he had on his face when he first told me about her, when I asked if they had ever done anything, "Oh I'd never do something like that," Yeah, right.

 

I usually don't let things like this get to me so much because I usually always have my guard up. But I told him how I felt and I bought into all the sweet things he would say and do. I feel disappointed in myself for trusting him and letting myself fall so hard when I knew deep down that he was hiding something.

[BriarRose]

When someone has a pattern of breaking plans at the last minute, that is more than instinct. That is a waving red flag. I am sorry he hurt you, but next time when a man breaks plans with you repeatedly, you will know to walk away, right?