Online dating frustrations

[sunday2010]

its just as bad in australia i got broken up with in may and i dated straight away, some said that was stupid...

But its that bad I could be here years from now...still single I didn't have time to heal. One guy stood me up with a lame text message.I actaully thought I woudl find another realtionship pretty quickly how wrong was i????

 

I'm 36 I don't have time for this..I'm looking at paid introductory agencies now but its too expensive...I knew when my ex broke up with me how terrible it was gonna be in the dating world but its more than terrible its torturous its made me realise I wish I'be been a better person in the last relationship even though my ex wa sno angel either

[AuthenticAuthor]

You try messaging some girls 'Let's chat on the webcam' and see if you get any replies.

 

That's precisely my point! There's no face-to-face discussion on the Internet because it makes it too easy for predators to mask themselves, and most people know it.

[Philos]

That's precisely my point! There's no face-to-face discussion on the Internet because it makes it too easy for predators to mask themselves, and most people know it.

 

Honestly dude.

 

All girls, too, come here, and read this.

 

Theres no real reason why the guy who asks you out on the street is any different than the guy who asks you out online. Theres no reason that the guy online is automatically creepier.

 

I remember when the 'craigslist killer' appeared. 1 woman died from responding to a craigslist ad and then everyone on the news went ape * * * * about a 'panic'. People even in my small city get shot down every other day. Why should I care if one lady died off craigslist and automatically be ultra-cautious when I might be mowed down buying some milk at the 7-11? Which one is more reasonable (if either) to believe?

 

If you go online and think every guy that messages you is just interested in sex and is a creep, it's really you. You're the one that has the issues.

[newwave]

You just have to be more careful online than if you met the person say through friends. Too many people make the mistake that if you chat online you "know" them but you don't until you meet. There have been many cases of women meeting guys from online sites and the guy (rarer the woman) being a rapist or murderer. However this can happen in any circumstance where you don't know someone. When I did online dating I met them a few times in public. Guys just interested in sex or something worse will not want to meet in public a few times, but people interested in far more will.

[Philos]

You just have to be more careful online than if you met the person say through friends. Too many people make the mistake that if you chat online you "know" them but you don't until you meet. There have been many cases of women meeting guys from online sites and the guy (rarer the woman) being a rapist or murderer. However this can happen in any circumstance where you don't know someone. When I did online dating I met them a few times in public. Guys just interested in sex or something worse will not want to meet in public a few times, but people interested in far more will.

 

You should always meet each other at a public place.

[newwave]

You should, but I've seen many cases where they met at someone's house. VERY BAD IDEA. Yet people often think things are what they seem and they aren't always.

[solsticefall]

Okay, so we've all complained about how online dating works for some people but not others. And this makes out for an interesting question: Aside from the picture, what - if anything - is it about an online dating profile that would lead to a date?

 

That sounds like a good new thread.

[newwave]

Okay, so we've all complained about how online dating works for some people but not others. And this makes out for an interesting question: Aside from the picture, what - if anything - is it about an online dating profile that would lead to a date?

 

That sounds like a good new thread.

 

Yes it would.

[somethngwrng]

I'm not overweight (neither am I "skinny", I'm more athletic than anything). I'm not ugly, have no acne or any of that junk, keep my hair trimmed, shave/shower regularly, wear nice clothes... I work hard on my appearance. I have a professional job where I am well respected within the company and take on more responsibilities than most. I have a rather active social life, but I'm not a party animal.

 

I have signed up for a $30/monthly website in the past. It was no better than the free website I used, and both were trash. Online dating is complete rubbish unless you are 'beautiful' and people are drawn to your profile. If you don't believe me, put up a picture of someone who is "hot", write whatever the hell you want in the profile and watch your inbox fill up in a matter of minutes.

[solsticefall]

Online dating is complete rubbish unless you are 'beautiful' and people are drawn to your profile. If you don't believe me, put up a picture of someone who is "hot", write whatever the hell you want in the profile and watch your inbox fill up in a matter of minutes.

 

Have you personally tried this test?

 

The scientist inside of me is really considering setting up an experiment to test this. If we really wanted to have fun - and distribute the workload - then each of us could create one of an array of fake profiles arranged by a combination of looks and write-ups (by an average subjective score), wait a month, then count the number of emails received.

 

First, I suppose, I should search the journals to see if this research has already been done...

[Philos]

Have you personally tried this test?

 

The scientist inside of me is really considering setting up an experiment to test this. If we really wanted to have fun - and distribute the workload - then each of us could create one of an array of fake profiles arranged by a combination of looks and write-ups (by an average subjective score), wait a month, then count the number of emails received.

 

First, I suppose, I should search the journals to see if this research has already been done...

 

You don't need a month. Profiles with super-hottie girl pics on them get hundreds of messages a day in big cities.

[The Wire]

Have you personally tried this test?

 

The scientist inside of me is really considering setting up an experiment to test this. If we really wanted to have fun - and distribute the workload - then each of us could create one of an array of fake profiles arranged by a combination of looks and write-ups (by an average subjective score), wait a month, then count the number of emails received.

 

First, I suppose, I should search the journals to see if this research has already been done...

 

I was seriously thinking of doing the exact same thing the other day to test the same theory. Grabs some stock images, make a up a fake profile and test the water that way, even write a profile that's similar to my own in terms of job, interests and what I'm looking for in a girl. Got me curious now to try an experiment like this.

[solsticefall]

You don't need a month. Profiles with super-hottie girl pics on them get hundreds of messages a day in big cities.

 

I was referring to performing the experiment with profiles for men, not women.

[solsticefall]

I was seriously thinking of doing the exact same thing the other day to test the same theory. Grabs some stock images, make a up a fake profile and test the water that way, even write a profile that's similar to my own in terms of job, interests and what I'm looking for in a girl. Got me curious now to try an experiment like this.

 

I think it's sad, but quite humorous, that guys are so lost about what women are looking for that they must perform scientific, sociological experiments to glean enough information and insight for them to design and engineer their own dating profiles optimally - all in a grand attempt to meet women.

 

The next time I read "I'm looking for a guy who's motivated" on a woman's profile, and she doesn't reply back to me, I'm going to laugh.

[The Wire]

I think it's sad, but quite humorous, that guys are so lost about what women are looking for that they must perform scientific, sociological experiments to glean enough information and insight for them to design and engineer their own dating profiles optimally - all in a grand attempt to meet women.

 

The next time I read "I'm looking for a guy who's motivated" on a woman's profile, and she doesn't reply back to me, I'm going to laugh.

 

The one that always gets me is 'I love meeting new people', like every second girl's profile has that statement or words to that effect in it. All I can do is shake my head and roll my eyes.

[newwave]

You don't need a month. Profiles with super-hottie girl pics on them get hundreds of messages a day in big cities.

 

Yep and 99% are always the wrong type, but really stinks. Rarely is it ever my type (never married geeks) but the types I don't want.

[solsticefall]

Yep and 99% are always the wrong type, but really stinks. Rarely is it ever my type (never married geeks) but the types I don't want.

 

Haha. The first time I read this I thought you were saying that your type was married geeks.

[newwave]

Haha. The first time I read this I thought you were saying that your type was married geeks.

 

No, but that would be funny. My type is a strange one because I'm not attracted to traditionally good looking men. I love nerds. Never married and no kids.

[solsticefall]

Never married

 

And this is exactly why online dating just won't work for me. I think I'll stick to real life where people can *know me* for all that I am instead of as a label next to a picture.

[newwave]

And this is exactly why online dating just won't work for me. I think I'll stick to real life where people can *know me* for all that I am instead of as a label next to a picture.

 

Because you were married? That is the problem with online dating, people become the stats instead of the person. In real life it's possible I would consider a divorced guy (depending on circumstances) but not online. For me real life works better because I get to know them in person before dating. I've mentioned this before, but I've dated guys in real life I would have rejected online. I've rejected men online that I'd probably give a chance to offline.

[amandamarie]

This is an interesting thread. I am doing online dating too, and I am feeling very frustrated with it. To be honest, I think the biggest factor is where you live. I did online dating in the past, and had great success, met someone I was with for 4 years. That was in an area where there were a ton of men and not too many women. Where I am now, the opposite is true - there are a lot of women, and not that many men. The men that are online, I have been messaged by many, but just not many singles in my area. I will also send out a message if I notice a guy I would like to get to know better. However, I am finding that none of them are what I am looking for! The ones that are what I want, seem to drop off the earth after an email or two, and I am an attractive girl. It is hard to find a man who seems like he is kind, has a job, attractive, and not overweight. I know that some people may say I am shallow for wanting that, but I am very fit and so I need someone who can keep up with me and share my adventures. Not all women are shallow just because they don't want to date overweight guys - sometimes we really are thinking about how the man would fit into our lifestyle, and we know it wouldn't work.

 

For the divorced guys - that would definitely not be a deal-breaker for me. Kids would depend - I would still want to have kids one day, so that could be.

 

If you wants tips on what will attract a woman I will tell you my perspective: shirtless pics (unless you are at the beach) are an automatic "next" for me - I figure those guys are probably not what I am looking for. Having pics with a baseball cap on in all your pics are an automatic "next" - I want to see you with your cap off as well. Having at least a head shot and a full body shot are essential as well. The pic is really your ticket in. In the profile, talk about your interests. If you talk about an interest that I have as well, that is bonus points Don't make it too short ( by saying things like " I don't like to type about myself too much so message me if you want to know more") but also don't go on too long. Definitely don't bring up previous relationships (eek! I see this a lot), and don't bash women by saying things like they never seem to really want a good guy...that is a real turnoff and makes me think you are jaded and bitter, but lots of guys do this.

[jas56]

Very interesting......I totally agree.

[newwave]

If you want kids eventually, I'd tell you not to date fathers. Many of the ones I know are finished with their families and don't want more. Others can't afford more. Not to mention all the drama that can enfold. People often say I'm picky in this respect, but I have dated dads and never again. In fact I forgot I had a profile on a dating site (free one) and a guy with three kids contacted me. I just emailed him that I'll be honest and tell him upfront I don't date dads and it's nothing personal. I tell them before they get interested in me. I know there are exceptions to this, but in most cases I've seen nothing but heartache when a childess woman who wants kids marries a guy with kids already. It's a different story when a single mom marries a single dad.

[amandamarie]

If you want kids eventually, I'd tell you not to date fathers. Many of the ones I know are finished with their families and don't want more. Others can't afford more. Not to mention all the drama that can enfold. People often say I'm picky in this respect, but I have dated dads and never again. In fact I forgot I had a profile on a dating site (free one) and a guy with three kids contacted me. I just emailed him that I'll be honest and tell him upfront I don't date dads and it's nothing personal. I tell them before they get interested in me. I know there are exceptions to this, but in most cases I've seen nothing but heartache when a childess woman who wants kids marries a guy with kids already. It's a different story when a single mom marries a single dad.

 

Yeah, to be honest, my preference at this point would to be not to date a guy with kids. I am 29, so I feel like hopefully there are still a lot of men around that age without kids. If I found a guy that was very interesting though, I would consider it. It would not be a total deal-breaker, but it is not something I would really prefer either.

[newwave]

Yeah, to be honest, my preference at this point would to be not to date a guy with kids. I am 29, so I feel like hopefully there are still a lot of men around that age without kids. If I found a guy that was very interesting though, I would consider it. It would not be a total deal-breaker, but it is not something I would really prefer either.

 

There still are childless men in their 30's and even 40's who still want kids, but harder to find. I've known many guys like this, including familiy members. You have to search for these guys but they are out there.