Girlfriend always messing about!!

[Leon91]

i can almost garuntee people who know me on here are fed up by now

 

but im just venting really!

 

as of now my girfriend of 5 years can not stick to anything she says and has been like this nearly a year!!

 

i only see her ONCE a week anyway.

but on the day im supposed to meet her she always cancels at the last minute!!

and on top of this im forced by her to tell everyone i know to "Eff off"

unless i do that she refuses to come!

so i have to make my friends aware of this and tell them to go along with it all.

but even then she will then cancel because she thinks i got no mates to go see coz i told them all to eff off!!

 

im fed up with this constant mind changing!

even if she DOES come its never till nearly 9/10pm

its just pathetic!! plus im supposed to stay in every single night and not go online to talk 2 anyone or have anyones numbers!!

its total controll!!

[ksh1255]

You said it. That's pathetic. You can't let anyone control you like that.

[Leon91]

exactly but i keep going back i just cant get away from her. i cant help myself. its me thats stopping me!! i try meeting new females .. they like me, i just think "meh, i really cant be bothered trying to start a relationship"

so then the other females HATE me because im never into being more than just friends

so in turn i go back to my gf! because even while im out with female friends i always have the urge to text/call her and meet her instead! i just dont know why

[Eddie37]

its just pathetic!!

Yup. I reckon when she finally leaves you for the other guy, you'll figure out that she isn't a very nice person.

[Leon91]

Yup. I reckon when she finally leaves you for the other guy, you'll figure out that she isn't a very nice person.

 

this is the thing.. she has no contact with any guy other than me!!

never has done either!

im her 1st and only boyfriend ( since 13 )

she has 16 friends on facebook all female. of which none bother with her. nobody in real life bothers with her either, her old friends never call or meet her. ever!

its only ever me!

so shes had no contact with guys or even females for the majority of the time! shes a stay at home mother, and thats it.

[Cheeks18]

Unless you have a tracking device on her, theres no way you can tell if she is seeing another man....Why else would she cancel on you last minute?? or not show up till late at night??

[Is]

You are in a terribly unhealthy relationship. The way your girlfriend treats you is beyond garbage. I suggest you leave her before you seriously break down.

[Leon91]

Unless you have a tracking device on her, theres no way you can tell if she is seeing another man....Why else would she cancel on you last minute?? or not show up till late at night??

 

1. she has to look after our daughter 24/7 and she lives with her parents:

her dad works for a royal family in another country so is never home

and her mum works too so she dosent go out shes always been a loner type.

and late night? because she has to wait for her mum to finish at 7pm and then an hour to meet me in my town say between 8-10 depending. i 1--% trust thers no other man whatsoever.

[misssmithviii]

Firstly, she's got some issues, above all- she's taking advantage of you. She doesn't stop because you don't stop coming back. You've ALLOWED her to think that she can control you; she's becoming more and more obsessed with you the more you're around.

 

I don't think it's good for you to be thinking about starting a relationship with any other girl while you're still in a relationship - you don't wanna be just another person who hops from one relationship to the next; besides, it's pretty low to venture into getting to know other women (with the intent of not just being friends) while you're still a boyfriend/fiance/husband to someone else. And if these women are legitimately HATING you just because you want to ONLY be friends... those women aren't mature, true friends; that's just stupid.

 

You want your life to change then YOU change it. Don't just sit around allowing her to treat you like this. Leave her.

 

On the flipside briefly, I'm curious though, why not offer to take care of your baby and offer her to go out? Or get a babysitter so you both can have a few nights together?

[Leon91]

You are in a terribly unhealthy relationship. The way your girlfriend treats you is beyond garbage. I suggest you leave her before you seriously break down.

 

i wish i could but i keep going back! i never feel attracted to any other girls at all! not even sexually. its just like im numb to anyone but her!!

just dont know how to stop it.

i cant go NC because of our daughter.

and just know ill be running straight back as nobody else interests me!

[Leon91]

the nights she comes up. once a week, her mother looks after our daughter.

im not allowed access to my daughter without it being supervised because they cant trust me and my gf to not argue!

so shes caused sooo much sh** that im now banned from my daughter

( i get contact 2 hours a week with social services )

and one night with my gf a week. thats it.

id LOVE to have unrestricted contact as im no danger.

i love my daughterw ith all my heart!

 

but i have to do as im told.

[Eddie37]

So her mom gets home at 7 and then she hits the town with the new guy. Because we know she's not hitting the town with you, or even seeing you anymore except for maybe one night a week. And even if, by some slim chance, she's not seeing someone else, the fact remains she doesn't want to see you. I guess she needs to smack you over the head with a frying pan in order for you to understand that she's not interested and hasn't been for the past year.

[Leon91]

So her mom gets home at 7 and then she hits the town with the new guy. Because we know she's not hitting the town with you, or even seeing you anymore except for maybe one night a week. And even if, by some slim chance, she's not seeing someone else, the fact remains she doesn't want to see you. I guess she needs to smack you over the head with a frying pan in order for you to understand that she's not interested and hasn't been for the past year.

 

id have to dissagree there, as when she finds out im doing what i should be doing - moving/trying to move on

 

shes straight back the thing is, she plays mind games. shel act as though shes gonna move on or what not and then never leave the house

 

her mom dosnt stay in only on wednesdays. thats the only night my gf can even leave the house

[misssmithviii]

You're not giving yourself any room for a solution: it's as this point where I can pretty much predict the rest of the post... people are going to give you numerous options to help you solve your problems, yet everytime you'll come up with an excuse about how it's just "too hard" or "impossible" or "out of [your] control".

 

Bottom line is if you want it to change, then CHANGE IT. Sitting there feeling badly about it all and wishing for something else isn't going to get you ANYWHERE unless you're willing to do what it takes.

 

Honestly, you aren't TRULY fed up. Perhaps you're a little dependent on her (from how you're speaking).

I would complain about my situation with my ex. I'd cry, I'd feel fed up... I'm be screaming to get out of the situation. Then finally when I DID have enough of it... when I was actually, truly FED UP - I simply left. We had a daughter and I had my father take care of her while I got away for a few months (my ex was violent and was bent on "hurting me" as he'd say), got a job, found an amazing man (who now, loves being called "daddy") and got my life back on track.

 

When you truly feel like you deserve better, when you gain your own self-esteem back and realize you don't have to put up with that (REGARDLESS of the SECURITY you have by staying with the same girl for this long), when you realize that they're are billions of other women out there, you'll finally figure it out.

She needs to STRAIGHTEN up her act - and you need to tell her. You give her the bottom line and if she still acts like this then you leave.

 

Children are more scarred by their parents not totally in love, fighting and just all the stress that permeates through to them - rather than a single mom or single dad.

[misssmithviii]

Now here's a head's up - the more you reject good advice... the less people are going to give it. Why would anyone want to fight to convince you?

 

So really, re-read what I said. Re-read what everyone has said.

Eddie37 is on to something - sounds like she needs to hit you over the head with frying pan, because she could do whatever she wants to you; she can play mind games BLAH BLAH BLAH but you're still going to stick around.

 

You've lost some serious self-respect. Gain it back. If you're not willing to help yourself then there's no way you're going to get rid of this bad situation.

[Eddie37]

( i get contact 2 hours a week with social services )

First off, the mother has no legal power in this situation. So, any court ordered custody arraignment is in place due to your gf's request and consent. Your gf, as the legal guardian and sole custodian of your child, could have the order lifted at any time and grant you full access to the child. The real question is, why isn't she doing that.

[No1]

There are two things you can do.

1. you accept what she is doing and dont complain.

2. you dont accept it and you change your situation.

There isnt a gray area when it comes to this. She will continue to do this. And plus you are only 18, you dont need this.. she is going to do what she is going to do. So those are your two choices.

[cazmoore]

Well, obviously there is WAY more to this story than she bails on you at the last minute. Does she have her own car? Does she use her mum's car? You have a child together and SS are involved and you only get supervised visits..

 

Maybe her mum doesn't want her coming over there to see you when she's alone? If you have supervised visits only with your daughter, someone must feel that you're a threat and can be persuading your girlfriend to not come and see you.

 

When my parents didn't like my ex, they wouldn't let me use the car. When I had my own car, I could do what I wanted. Often I'd call up and say I couldn't go but i wouldn't mention that my parents weren't 'allowing' me to go or allowing me use their car.

 

NOt everything is black and white. This is a grey area and there are tons of areas that need filled in. Ie - how well you get along with her parents, why SS are involved (it's not just about arguing... there's more to it than that)

[Leon91]

nah her parents are fine with us being together i get on with them very well.

its just her that is always akward. she has no car and her parents use thiers all the time and she cant drive.

 

so its not her parents.

social dont see me as a threat just they cant trust me to be around tia without arguing because of the life she wants me to lead..

plus she used to always stay here , then wanna go, then wanna come back for month at a time and so no one knew what was happening from day to day!

she would ignore her parents while here, then while home ignore me!

so in the end the social made her and the baby go to stay at her parents as moving back n forth was not fair on my daughter.

 

as of half hour ago, were split.. as yet again shes pulled the same stunt

every wednesday we meet, is she coming? nope!

so i ended it and i will do my best to stay split with her now.

i would change my number but its not fair to be unreachable should an emergcency occur with my daughter - i think civil and as parents is the way forward.. because im really fed up of getting my hopes up all week to be crushed every time.

[HeartGoesOn]

I understand that she doesn't drive, but why can't you drive to her home and pick her up on Wednesday's?

[Leon91]

because i dont drive

i do meet her in her town though, so i travel two hours to meet her at her town and then travel back to my place with her.

its 30 mins car journey but the trains take longer and you have to switch trains so far up the line.

[HeartGoesOn]

Are you working in order to provide for your baby? I may be wrong, but I think that other's may be judging this girl a bit too harshly. I'm not trying to pass judgment, but there are two sides to every story.

[Leon91]

yes i am

 

i have mentioned on other threads we have a fairly large salary between us. although she has now actually quit her work.

enough to afford accomidation and pay bills and have enough to enjoy life aswell.

so money is no issue