A little confused after I know he took someone to dinner...

[samdog31]

Well I left my husband about 2 months ago. We had the agreement we were going to try and work it out. My conditions were that he show me more attention and take some initiative to plan things like my birthday etc. Well my birthday was June 26th and he did plan a lovely day for me. However yesterday I went to our online banking to check the balance and I saw in the bank that he had taken someone to dinner and a movie, so I am not sure what to think right now. I am kinda of feeling that if he is dating he looking around to see what better thing he can find and if he does not succeed then he goes back to the old bag (me).

 

I really don't want to play these games, but I don't know what to do. my friends have said leave it alone for now and see what happens. But I just don't know.

[Beec]

Well, you left him. So does that mean, he cannot go to dinner or a movie with someone? Not sure, your call.

 

But what do you want? Do you want him, then if you do get in there, make him want you and show him what he needs to do to keep you.

 

If you are the old bag, it's probably not because of how you look. It's probably because of how you got in a rut of treating each other the same way, day in, day out, and you allowed him to treat you the same each day, and you treated him the same each day. Being nice to him every day does not always work. Being nasty and starting a fight and then being nice, well that can drive a person crazy. But things need to be turned on and off. There needs to be an effort from you to turn things on, then wait and make him turn things on.

 

If the fire starting to get cool, sometimes though, you just need to heat it up.

[Princess777]

Greetings.

 

I would definitely close the joint account together. If you no longer live together, it's not a good idea to have that. Even if you agreed to work things out, you're still not living together so you're not really in a position to share money right now. I agree that since he told you that you were going to work this out, that it is wrong of him to be taking someone else out. Could he just have been with a male friend or a child, or a relative? Anyway, I would just ask him about it. What do you have to lose, really? I mean, you've already moved out so wouldn't you rather know the truth. I wouldn't wait around, ask him so you can move forward with your life if he's screwing around. It would be different if he told you no, it's over, we're not together anymore and we're not working this out. But that is not what he said. He needs to either mean what he says or say what he means. Good luck!

[Beec]

Since when does going to a movie become "screwing around"?

 

If you walked out on me, I may want to work it out, eventually, but you still left me. So, in the interim of working it out, I still may want to enjoy some other things that I might not feel I could do with you. Did your agreement go so far as to say that we can only do social things with each other.

 

I have friends of both sexes, I've bought and had dinners bought for me by both, I've gone out and done this with women who were married, and there was nothing sexual going on. Last week, I spent part of it with a married woman, and nothing sexual was going on.

 

I'm not saying it was or wasn't anything, and I don't know your deal, but if you want him, go get him, then get him to do what you want.

[samdog31]

I left him because he has been ignoring and avoiding me for quite sometime. Not coming home at night, excessive mood swings. And saying mean hurtful things to me. Giving attention and affection to the dog and leaving me the scraps. I have been nothing but kind to him and got the impression that he was doing all this to make me move.

 

But he said he wants to try and work things out. If I could chalk it up to it being a friend I would but I have been with him for 9 yrs and know his habits. He does not take other people out on paid outings, and he does not have any male friends.

 

I guess I can understand it to a point, ( i took my gay friend Peter for dinner last night). So maybe I am just jumping to conclusion. But he has promised to talk out the issues he has and then has chickened out.

 

I have not called him unless I need assistance with pet care etc. So I am giving him the "space" he thinks he needs. But I don't want to be someone he comes back to cause he couldn't find what he was looking for. And I don't want to be played the fool. Most of these problems I left for was his emotional problems and are things he needs to work out, but going around dating other women, if that is indeed what he is doing isn't going to solve any of those problems.

 

I don't think talking to him about it at this point would accomplish anything. I guess I am writing out of shear frustration. But your pretty much saying what all my friends are saying. So I guess I have to just sit back and wait for the time being. I told him when I left this needs to be wrapped in 6 months. So we are either together by that time, or we are in court doing the whats mine and whats yours thing.

[Mun]

Sometimes people who are married do separate and in that time date other people. I suggest you do the same. If he is dating again, and you don't know for sure that he is, then maybe he needs to see what else is available out there just like you do. The grass only looks greener from this side of the fence, let him find out.

 

As for you, well you left him. You sort of gave him the "go ahead" in doing so. We cannot really force another person to work on the issues we think are important, and maybe he doesn't really want to work on them. Or maybe he doesn't even think they are important.

 

Once he decides he wants you in his life then he will come your way. He will want to talk to you and work things out. For now I do think you should leave him alone and do your own thing. Try to go out and have fun, give some time to yourself to do things you enjoy. Let him miss you a bit and see what happens.

 

He planned your party so what happened?

[Princess777]

Of course, the following is MY opinion:

 

Come on people! She said the guy told her he wants to work it out. I think some people on here don't really know what being married is. When you're married, you don't mess around with people of the opposite sex. You don't "date around" and see what's out there.... what about vows, people????? If you want to do that, tell the partner you want a divorce first. Or don't get married. Temporarily separating is not a "free pass" to check out what's "out there"!!!!! Good God, if that were the case, then why bother getting married, EVER? Let's all just "go steady" then, like we did in high school. No wonder so many people in this world can't be trusted. When speedbumps come along like this in life, it's a time to LEARN from the problem and work it out together as a team. Not to go looking for a piece somewhere else for a temporary fix and to complicate things further. Geez.

 

Sorry but I strongly disagree that this woman should just wait around. Whether his outing was justified or not is to be discussed between them as a couple so neither feels disrespected.