The size of your girl: Does it really matter

[CherryliciousBabe]

Hey,

My question is for a friend. See she isn't exactly the smallest girl ( shes "big boned"....you know what I mean), and she isn't really that "hot" , but she going into highschool at the end of the summer, and she really REALLY wants to get a hot boyfriend, but she thinks that because she isn't that great looking that no guy will like her, or ask her out. I guess my question is....will any guys like her, or ask her out, or are guys so ubsorbed in looks that they wont give her the time of day? Just curious

[i_hate_the_world47]

i am srry to say that ya some guys r absorbed on looks. but alot of guys like a girl for who she is not wat she is. especially in high school. trust me i am just like ur friend. just make sure u tell ur frind not to let a guy to take advantage of her just so he will date her. reply and tell me how its goes k

[Gilgamesh]

Well, most guys do care about looks, I'm not going to say I wouldn't want an attractive girl.

 

But what i find attractive may not necessarily be attractive to someone else.

 

There is someone for everyone I believe, and even though your friend doesn't have the body that society at the moment projects as the ideal, that does not mean that everyone is attracted to the same model.

 

I noticed you wrote that your friend wants to find a "hot" boyfriend, but that she does not see herself as hot. this is a problem, because she needs to be comfortable with herself and love herself, before others can do the same, If she believes she doesn't deserve a certain guy that will effect how he looks at here, and acts around her.

 

So tell her, to be confident in herself, and to not try and find someone, just be herself and someone will see that sweet person inside and love her for her, and not because of what kind of showing off potential she may have. Also tell her, she does not have to be with the hottest guy, in order to feel good about herself

[STARSHINE42]

Awwwwwwww O Well tell "your friend" that EVERYONE is beautiful in there own special way. Looks aren't just on the outside either, Tell her to walk with her head up high(for the beautiful girl she is) and be herself. weather she finds a "hot boyfriend" or not, is irelivent. She wil meet someone when the time is right..

[Newfoundglory]

No, some thickness on a girl is actually attractive thing in my opinion.And they actually get points on the 1-10 scale because I think its sexy.And this is coming from a 5'5' 110 pound guy..I get so tired of seeing toothpick bleached-blonde brittney-wannabes I could puke.

[wing wha]

hey friend.

being 14 myself. well i am weigh 80 pounds. lol magine that. bet you cant picture that. but iam sure someone like me for that. i do see girls that are large and they have bad attitudes. its like even if someone like big girls then they would want to talk to them cuase there mean. boys are not very smart in the respect that. if girls present themselves as preety outgoing even when there not they will get peps looking at them. other girls who are maybe the popular girls will down grade that. but if she cares about boys. then really just tell her to always be happy. guys like the cute nice thing. girls like the tough outgoing thing. thats what it is like here tell her that.

[sisterlynch]

I really like the point that you are making here. She needs to have a great attitude to attract positive attention to her at all times. If people see that you are going to give up easy and not be yourself around them, then they will take advantage of you. Be happy, be yourself and don't worry about the boys, they will come when you are ready.

[ShroudedSorrow24]

I just joined this site today (been visiting it for months) and I think its great that everyone has so much great advice. I totally agree that looks aren't everything and that its important to be confident...but you have to look at this situation from both sides.

 

she really REALLY wants to get a hot boyfriend

are guys so ubsorbed in looks that they wont give her the time of day?

 

 

 

It sounds to me like your friend is "absorbed" in looks. What I'm getting at is, what if there is some guy that thinks your friend is ABSOLUTELY gorgeous. But your friend doesn't even give this guy a second glance because she is concentrating on getting the hottest guy she can. She is saying that guys are absorbed with looks when it sounds like she is also....

[Gilgamesh]

She is saying that guys are absorbed with looks when it sounds like she is also....

 

Very good point Shroudedsorrow.

[alexander]

Everyone is obsessed with looks. I know I am. You can't want someone you're not attracted to. That being said, the girls I fall for aren't always the picture of perfection (not that they would have anything to do with anyway).

 

Also, there's a difference between being fat and being, uh, not thin. There was this one girl I was drooling over all year, and after losing weight over the summer, she didn't seem nearly as hot. Of course, she came back more popular than ever, but she didn't seem as cute to me. However, she was never really fat.

 

I, on the other hand, am fat, and from my experience and observations, I can tell you that most fat people of both genders aren't very lucky in love at this age. There's the occasional exceptions (I'm guessing), but if your friend is anything like me, she's probably going to be very lonely. The difference between fat guys and fat girls is: fat guys don't get used for sex. If she's that desperate for a hot guy, it might come to that.

[ShySoul]

Looks may make it easier to get someones attention put it's a person's attitude and personality that keeps that attention. Just because someone fits the image of what society considers "hot" doesn't mean their going to make a good boyfriend/girlfriend. To me it seems like a lot of these "hot" people are so obssessed with looks that they become vain and shallow. But the so called less attractive people are nicer and more friendly.

 

I've always thought that if you are beautiful on the inside, it will show and you will be beautiful on the outside. The most beautiful people I know are the ones with the best hearts and personalities. I'd rather have a good heart than a pretty face anyday.

[alexander]

I agree that a person's attitude and personality are part (a BIG part) of what makes them attractive. Since shy people don't put their personalities (however attractive) on display for most people, they often go ignored. Unless of course they are physically attractive, in which case, people come to them anyway. The combination of shy+fat is deadly, and all too common.

[notsonaive]

It's undoubtedly no big secret that looks have, throughout the years, become increasingly important and almost necessary when looking for a And yes guys tend to be the worst advocates of this trend. I mean how many couples have you seen where the guy was just as ugly as all get out, but the girl was drop dead gorgeous? A lot huh? That is because ladies (well most of us) tend to be able to look past the physical in order to get to know the person. Whereas, with guys (most of them) they wont even bother to engage in a conversation with a woman if she's not attractive.

But I said that to say, in an almost contradictory way to my whole ½ theory up there: there is hope for your friend. I try to believe that everyone is beautiful; both physically and mentally. It just takes the right person to realize that physical beauty. Trust me when I say, I know it's hard waiting for that person, but when she finds him, it'll be that much more special to her because he was a long wait and if he truly loves/likes her for her, she'll be the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

[wlfpack81]

Being honest looks goes both ways. Now if your friend is thick as in not obesse but rather curvaceous then I don't think she'll have much of a problem. However, if she is big as in overweight (the kind of people you constantly see on shows like 20/20 dealing with the obesity problem in America) then being honest she is going to have a hell of a time getting a boyfriend.

 

Take it from a tall, ugly, skinny male. Those without the good looks don't get far in the love game (I haven't even had a chance to take a swing yet if you know what I mean )

[wlfpack81]

That is because ladies (well most of us) tend to be able to look past the physical in order to get to know the person. Whereas, with guys (most of them) they wont even bother to engage in a conversation with a woman if she's not attractive.

 

Haha whatever..no I bet you that in 75% of those cases you entioned the guy has a lot of money. Yes guys are shallow about looks but so are girls. However, the deciding factor here is that even if a girl did have 1 million dollars most guys won't date her if she's unattractive to them. However, with a girl you can take an ugly person like me, give me 1 million dollars and girls would be lining up to just been seen with me b/c they love being seen with someone of important status. They'll sellout and be with someone they don't like just for the sake of being able to be a golddigger.

[bob345]

Everyone has their own tastes. My own "taste" is a girl who's lighter than me and shorter than me. I'm 6'4" and 195 lbs, so it's not exactly a hard criteria to meet.

 

If she is overweight, maybe she should transfer some effort from getting a "hot boyfriend" into losing some weight. Working out a few times a week would make her healthier and also more attractive, so it's a win-win situation. If she has been trying to lose weight and is just stuck where she's at, she needs to find a guy who likes her for her. Maybe she should stop aiming for someone who's "hot" and aim for someone who she can care for and who can care for her.

[Santa]

IMHO being 14 is young. When she gets older, more boys will start noticing more girls, and even then she has time to improve her image if thats getting her down. Theres someone for everyone, no matter what you look like - I've seen unattractive people get bf's/gf's more so than attractive people, because the attractive people worry to much, and have too high standards in terms of looks.

IMHO, around 16 is when boys start liking girls generally.

[notsonaive]

See, now that to me, is a whole different subject. I mean the idea that anyone, be it woman or man, would date someone they're not attracted to solely because that person has money, is ridiculous. I do see your point, I mean how many times have we seen cases like that in the media?

But I don't agree with your choice of percentage...60%, 65%, 70% at the most, of the "ugly man, gorgeous woman" relationships are because of the money involved. I mean, I like to think that a vast majority of the female population are like me, in a sense that material things don't mean so much that they would go to bed next to ...Frankenstein simply because his bank account is huge.