A question for the ladies about feelings.

[ItsmeShane]

All of my posts on here are about the same girl. She told me about a month ago she didn't really have feelings for me. and then NC until a few days ago she asked me how I have been. I was doing fine but ever since she texted me i'm back to being a wreck.

 

I see stuff every few seconds that remind me of this girl. I can't stop thinking about her. Im losing sleep at night over this girl. I went to bed kinda late last night and I was wide awake at 4 am tossing and turning thinking about her.

 

So my question is, is it possible for girls to change feelings for someone over time? My friends try to get me to go out with other girls and stuff but I don't just because I really want to be with this one.

 

I pray so much my knees get sore sometimes from kneeling down so long. and all I ask for is another chance. Im really tired of crying. is there any hope for me in this situation?

[Philos]

This is the important part of NC.

 

Delete her text and don't text her back. Don't contact her again (not sure if you did text her back because you didn't specify).

 

She already told you she didn't want to be with you. She's probably just trying to be friendly so you're not mad at her and she feels better. If you don't let her go and carry on, you'll never recover.

[ItsmeShane]

yes I did text her back and I did so because I WANT to talk to her.

[ItsmeShane]

she told me she still wanted to be friends....doesn't that count for something?

[Nidania]

she told me she still wanted to be friends....doesn't that count for something?

 

Sadly, no. That is usually a statement that is made as a "soft" letdown for you. Unfortunately, she doesn't mean it.

 

You can not change her feelings for you. That is entirely up to her. She has already told you she doesn't have feelings for you, so stick with NC, let yourself heal, and find someone who DOES have feelings for you. You are worth more than hanging around hoping she might change her mind.

[woodc5]

she told me she still wanted to be friends....doesn't that count for something?

 

Yeah, a lot of pain and other assortments of BS.

 

...but maybe I'm just still a little bitter.

[The_Seeker]

I think it is possible. However, you must put yourself at a higher value like being the ultimate prize. You're worth it. You deserve respect. If she can't see that, she can leave it or take it. I would stick with No Contact. Then again I don't know her like you do.

 

My ex broke up with me a month ago as well, and I told him not to contact me and that I did not want to see him again.

 

I guess it's because through high school my old guy friends [ yea I was one of the guys] would try the "Let's be friends." line on their ex-girlfriends and some ended being friends while others didn't. I asked the ones that didn't why they used that line, it was because they didn't want to feel hated by their ex or kept their ex on one of their lists [rolls eyes]. Quite mean which is why I ended the friendships. That's not how to treat a person.

[ItsmeShane]

The whole reason I am asking is because I can see it working. I mean, she was nice with me, and she said she still wanted to be friends. I honestly think the reason why it happened is because both of us were moving way to fast. maybe a little to serious for such a short time. In a little over a month we had already met the families and everything.

 

I asked a friend of mine that is in a similar situation and she said that i should try to be friends with her and be so awesome that she can't not like me.

 

I'd literally do whatever it took. My life with work and my other activities I don't meet girls. I just got lucky making small talk with her because she works at my bank. I work at a golf course 7 days a week during the summer and 6 the rest of the year. people tell me to go to bars and clubs and stuff, which there are plenty around here but id rather not do that. Plus I don't like being out real late when I have to be at work at 5am just about every morning.

 

she is just a great girl. she is the most beautiful thing i've ever seen in my life. I would give anything for another chance.

[The_Seeker]

If you believe your heart can handle the friendship and still want something more, then go for it.

 

I just know I wouldn't be able to.

 

I just know once people are set in their ways, they won't change their opinions. If you are willing to take a risk, then go for it. It's only one way to find out and learn from it.

 

Btw, that's the sweetest thing I ever heard a guy say that about his girl. Tell your ex-girlfriend that she is a lucky duck to have a guy like you in her life when you two do get back together.

 

-_- Yea, I'm jealous at the moment. Good luck!

[ItsmeShane]

see thats another thing, I was as sweet as I could be to her every single day. I always told her "goodmorning beautiful" or "goodmorning sunshine" told her I hope she was having a good day. and that I couldn't wait until I got to see her beautiful eyes and perfect smile again.

 

I have heard many times that talking to your girlfriend/boyfriend every single day may appear as "needy" but if there is any example i'm going to go by it is my parents. after my mom and dad divorced my mom met my step dad and they have been together for 18 years now and i've not once heard them fight, my mom does a lot of traveling for work and she will be gone for several weeks at a time and there isn't a day that goes by that her and my step dad don't talk.

 

I guess i'm going to try the friends thing, I bought concert tickets for us in November, maybe I will leave her alone for a bit and when that date gets closer see if she still wants to go with me and see what happens. Im sure everyone has heard this before but I mean it when I say id do anything in the world to be with this girl.

[The_Seeker]

Aren't you Mr.Romantic? You kind of remind me of Jacob from Twilight and the other guy from Letters to Juliet.

 

That's what I thought if people like/love each other they don't mind being around each other a lot, and can't stand being apart from each other and time is a valuable thing that a LOT of people take for granted. I don't think it appears as needy. It just shows that you care and willing to share.

 

I say go for it! I hope she sees the heart in you because you seem to be a really good guy.

[bungalo]

I may be dead wrong, but it sounds like maybe you're putting her on a pedestal. I think the "good morning beautiful" stuff is great, but I have to say the successful rel/ships I've seen-that last involve partners who are pursuing their own dreams and not fawning over their mate. I found out the hard way that some girls feel too much pressure when you shower them with compliments a lot. They feel it's too much to live up to. I think you should be judicious in your complimenting...basically back off from it. Crazy but the women who are ga ga over their guys are usually with someone they can't quite control. I'm not saying be an a-hole or anything, but be your own man and show her that your life doesn't revolve around a girl's approval of you.

[The_Seeker]

I may be dead wrong, but it sounds like maybe you're putting her on a pedestal. I think the "good morning beautiful" stuff is great, but I have to say the successful rel/ships I've seen-that last involve partners who are pursuing their own dreams and not fawning over their mate. I found out the hard way that some girls feel too much pressure when you shower them with compliments a lot. They feel it's too much to live up to. I think you should be judicious in your complimenting...basically back off from it. Crazy but the women who are ga ga over their guys are usually with someone they can't quite control. I'm not saying be an a-hole or anything, but be your own man and show her that your life doesn't revolve around a girl's approval of you.

 

I don't think you're dead wrong. I did the same thing with my ex, but I did it once in a while not constantly.

 

Is it safe to put someone on a pedestal after you're married? I'm just curious.

[bungalo]

Is it safe to put someone on a pedestal after you're married? I'm just curious.

 

 

No! I don't think it's ever safe to do this. It's an attraction killer. If you want to wind up divorced...yeah..

[ItsmeShane]

another thing that is great about her, I am a hunter, I have a lot of guns. and for some reason that makes all the girls i've met recently run away. she didn't mind. I like shooting clays for fun and just get practice and she said she wanted to go with me. She is a great girl if you told me there was a better one out there, I wouldn't believe you.

[ItsmeShane]

Aren't you Mr.Romantic? You kind of remind me of Jacob from Twilight and the other guy from Letters to Juliet.

 

That's what I thought if people like/love each other they don't mind being around each other a lot, and can't stand being apart from each other and time is a valuable thing that a LOT of people take for granted. I don't think it appears as needy. It just shows that you care and willing to share.

 

I say go for it! I hope she sees the heart in you because you seem to be a really good guy.

 

im just being honest with her. I like her a lot and she is definitely worth fighting for. if I get her back, it will be my biggest challenge of yet and it will be by far the greatest reward.

 

I am just lost right now, and I think that in time she may change her mind, if not my feelings will be hurt again but its not the first time and wont be the last i'm sure.

 

But if I let her go that easy, that just doesn't sit well with me. I would rather pursue her again in time and see what happens then. I can tolerate being friends with her for as long as it takes if I could have her in the end.

[ItsmeShane]

I may be dead wrong, but it sounds like maybe you're putting her on a pedestal. I think the "good morning beautiful" stuff is great, but I have to say the successful rel/ships I've seen-that last involve partners who are pursuing their own dreams and not fawning over their mate. I found out the hard way that some girls feel too much pressure when you shower them with compliments a lot. They feel it's too much to live up to. I think you should be judicious in your complimenting...basically back off from it. Crazy but the women who are ga ga over their guys are usually with someone they can't quite control. I'm not saying be an a-hole or anything, but be your own man and show her that your life doesn't revolve around a girl's approval of you.

 

I dont really shower her with compliments, I just tell her the truth, one night we were going out we were talking in the truck and she said she likes for guys to just be honest with her and thats all im doing, she does have a great smile and her eyes just put me in a trance. ive told her that. she has even caught me looking away when i talk to her and i told her i had to because if I get to focused on her eyes I will start mumbling.