Thoughts on breaking NC and what to say

[Nappyloxs]

I know a lot of people ask about their "letters" to their ex.

 

I have written novels to my ex. trying to make sure I wrote the "perfect letter"

 

Honestly, I suggest sticking with NC, but since we ALL break it. I wanted to get feedback on what really should be said.

 

First, let's face the real fact about breaking NC.

 

We do it because we miss them and hope that they miss us too. We hope for some kind of response and really don't care what it is. It is that response that gives us some false hope of reconciliation. We will flip the response to suit our needs.

 

Second,

 

We feel as if there was something we left that was unsaid. Something we didn't tell them that will be the "magic words" to change their hearts and minds.

 

NOTHING, you say or do is going to change their minds. Honestly, ask yourself why would you want to change their mind? Why would you want to change that person you love so much and that is so perfect?

 

The reality is if there is going to be any chance of reconciliation, it is because they have chosen to change for YOU. Not that you have changed them or won them back.

 

In addition, there is absolute nothing you can say in this "letter" that you have not already communicated to your ex. during the relationship or shortly after the breakup. There is nothing you forgot to say and nothing you just realized.

 

Third,

 

If you must really break NC to put your heart at ease. Just do so with a simple "hello, how are you."

 

All the other stuff makes you appear needy, depressed, lonely, etc.... Some times short and sweet is just the best way of doing things.

 

Those 4 words say everything you need them to say. First, you are initiate the contact. It lets them know you still are thinking of them and still care for them. It takes the focus off of you and puts it on them. It prevents you from doing all the needy and depressed things that we will say in any other type of letter. It lets them know you still want to reconcile.

 

It also gives them a chance to respond honestly. It allows them to say that they are fine or that they miss you too.

 

If you write about how you feel or how you change. You are only risking them getting angry or being turned off.

 

I hope this doesn't make all of us go and text our exes "hello, how are you."

[Ivory_Tower]

Get a modelling picture of yourself and re-add your ex on Facebook. Thats all you have to "say."

[anu1560]

I wrote 65 letters to my ex. They were written over 2-3 months post break up. None of them I sent him except 1. And I regretted sending it because I didn't expect the response that I got and that broke me again. So if you ask me, if they have broken with you, there is no need to send them a cutsie, full of self pity letters or even just a hi, unless you want to loose your own self respect. I saved my self respect by keeping NC on after that 2-3 mistakes of breaking them.

[Slagar]

Honestly, I suggest sticking with NC, but since we ALL break it. I wanted to get feedback on what really should be said.

 

I suppose I agree with your post, but why entertain these thoughts?

If you focus on what you could say, what you might say, what you could have said, why you sa.... you're still hard at work stressing and focusing on the problem.

Sometimes it's worth just releasing all that stress, and feeling all that hurt, and accepting that it is done and there is nothing you can do about it. That's this thing called life.

 

The best way a dumpee can have the dumper be attracted to them again, is to simply move on with their own life. If your ex wants to talk to you, they know how to find you.

[baxxter]

You can only break NC when you honestly don't care what responses are, and when you are sure that you must say something but not getting anything you want back in return. It is never about what they think or feel in regards to your contacting them because it is ALL ABOUT YOU. You go into NC when you choose to, and you break NC when it suites you. You do this to have control back for yourself, for your life.

 

If breaking NC is an act of last ditch attempt to reconcile, then just go for it at full on throttle, because, honestly, if they are meant to be with you then they will be with you no matter what you do or don't. As long as they know that you won't say no flat out then they WILL try to come back. Simple as that.

 

NC / breaking NC is to heal, mend you. You, you, you.

[Eddie37]

me: hello, how are you?

 

her: great, just lying here in bed with my new bf. How are you?

 

me: was pretty good up until your reply. Now I think I'll go hang myself.

[baxxter]

Eddie, I hope you are joking, coz am about to laugh.

[Eddie37]

Yeah, twas joking.

[baxxter]

Well, it's important to think all the bad scenarios, and see if you can take them. If not, don't break NC.

[Eddie37]

Eh, she's never gonna contact me. And I'm never gonna contact her. That's the reality of the situation. Accepting reality, now that's the tough part.

[u4me]

me: hello, how are you?

 

her: great, just lying here in bed with my new bf. How are you?

 

me: was pretty good up until your reply. Now I think I'll go hang myself.

 

Eddie, that was funny!

[SA2000]

Haha. Thats pretty much how I imagine things. That way its a whole lot easier to not break NC. I broke it recently. Bad idea. Now I am back in limbo and she has all of the power again. I gave her an ego stroke when I didnt need to. Now it is going to take me a month to get back to where I was.

 

Let the ex come to you. Thats what I am doing from now on.