should i accept her request

[resilient7]

I'm quite confused on whether i should accept the friend request from my ex,someone once said it would be childish of me not to accept it and that it wouldn't mean i would have to start speaking to her because of it,which i think is true.i wouldn't be the one to initiate a conversation right but then again someone else said to me that if she truly wanted to speak to me she would send me more than just a vague request..i dont know really.Am i being immature and childish for not answering?it has been over a year and a half already but things ended bad for me as she treated me less than warm during and after our brief relationship and even offered her my friendship but nothing came out of it.

not sure how to go about it,would appreciate yall's advice,sorry for the misprints been pulling overtime

[DN]

No, don't accept her. It will not serve you.

[hidden_kitten]

I don't think it's immature to reject the request, quite the opposite. It's been so long now, you don't owe each other anything. What's the point in collecting friends on social networking sites that you'll never interact with? Defeats the point of networking!

 

If you're definitely not wanting friendship anymore or reconcillation let this one go mate!

[WomanWriter]

It's really up to you. Are you curious about what she's up to? You can always accept her and if you don't like what she's saying, just block or delete. But if it's been a year and a half, shouldn't be much harm. That's my opinion, but really...sounds like you still may harbor bad feelings. If you do, don't accept. If you don't care one way or the other, then accept.

[shuttlefish]

What's the point in collecting friends on social networking sites that you'll never interact with?

 

You might be in a minority here. In my facebook experience it seems that the one with the most "friends" wins. Stupid, I know but widespread.

 

OP, I wouldn't do it. First of all, the friend request may have been sent by accident and second of all, its history, you've moved up, why open up wounds?

 

I know where you are coming from about the "feeling childish" business, but I'd stay put if I were you.

[MrWallFlower]

No...it's only immature if you "poke" her. I wouldn't do it because I wouldn't want to have to unfriend her or explain her to the next girl that I might date. It would give the appearance of you not being over her.

[HeartGoesOn]

It's nothing personal, but I believe that an "ex" is an "ex" for a reason. Make a clean break, why keep it going?

 

Just my opinion...

[resilient7]

great advice again guys thanks,Actually i am fine not knowing anything about her,truth be told if i knew about anything in her life i wouldn't feel to good (be it bad or good news) i feel that i have been making progress with my self and would not wanna slow things down.i wouldn't want to get back with her either,really see that that would be auch a waste of time unless she matured and that's not going to be happening anytime this year or the next.

[resilient7]

heartgoeson,yeah,i feel guilty somehow for not being able to simple agree to the request and it's not like i would be using my facebook account seeing as how i only created one so i could write to her 2 years ago

[iBroken]

Decline the request....you will see her feeds and she will see yours. Its just not worth the heartache or stress.....

[odile]

If you want to be friends, then accept it.

 

BUT, from the sounds of it, you're not over her.

And since she dumped you, she should let you lead;

it should be your call as to when (if ever) you are ready to be in touch again.

In this case, there's nothing immature about taking the space if you need it.

[teknoise]

Do you wanna see her crap pop up in your news feed? Pics with her boyfriend? Pics of her life? Her status updates on what and where she's eating?

 

I wouldn't bother. Its not childish at all to avoid adding her.

 

If you really do wanna add her for whatever reason, put her on a locked down limited profile and filter her out of your news feed. But, if you are gonna go to those lengths to not see her on facebook, might as well just ignore the friend request.

[resilient7]

i broken,did not know that thanks...great avatar

[Psychomagnet]

Unless you are 10000% indifferent about her and years have passed, I'd advise against it.

 

 

Otherwise accept and set your privacy to exclude her from viewing your wall/photos and the like and don't look at hers if you can help it. Easier though not to accept in the first place.

[Carus]

I'm gonna add my vote to the 'Dont Accept' side....

 

If you broke your leg jumping off a cliff would you go and jump off that cliff again?

 

You're not being immature...You're looking after You...and nuts to the person who rejected you out of thier life*

 

And yes, if she really wants to talk to you, she'll find a way...

 

Ever Forward

K2*

[Philpo82]

Depends if you want her back? If you've healed and would like her back in your life, it maybe her way of starting with a very small step to reconciliation? If you feel animosity towards her still & still hurt then don't bother, it will only hurt more.

 

You could accept it and then wait for her to get in touch, that's what I would do. In the mean time don't check her profile or anything.

[hurt2healthy]

And yes, if she really wants to talk to you, she'll find a way...

 

Ever Forward

K2*

 

Agreed. Add a friend request on FB means nothing. If she really wants to reconcile she'll make more concrete efforts to get in touch.

 

Please do not accept the request. And you are not being immature. Its just for your own sake

[Psychomagnet]

Yeah I have never really agreed with the whole BS "You are immature if you don't accept whatever breadcrumbs I throw at you" bit that ALOT of exes pull.

 

Showing healthy self respect and saying NO to being #2/fallback person/yo-yo/friend-zoned and Saying NO to settling for less than what you want is anything but immature...it's the most mature and dignified thing one can do.

 

Dumpers say it's immature however, it gains self-respect as well as respect from everyone else...including the dumpers themselves later on.

 

Life is ironic, no?

[resilient7]

Thank you all again for the sound advice..i have no problem staying away from her FB as I have stayed away from that this whole time.My cousin said i should look at her FB as that will help me DEAL with tis situation a lot betterI haven't even told him about the request assuming he will try and convince me to accept it in order to move on ALREADY!...

 

Part of me wants to reply and of course see if she does or does not make the first move and the other me wants to leave it alone for fear of what i might say to her i.e. why did she not not trust me and instead believed the words of some random guy or how she used me to get over her ex..ugh,i really don't want any of that!

 

I am pretty much over her meaning I know now that all i was attracted to was her beauty,her thighs lol because every time people asked me what it was that I was so hung over her for I would draw a complete blank.sweet,kind,caring,affectionate...if only i'd have been lucky enough to have any of that.now she was not by any means an awful person but with me at least she just was not interested and always in a bad mood and I see now why that was.She was still hung up over her first BF,he was her first everything.

 

Anyway,really thankful to have found this place as it allows me to collect my thoughts and offers great advice

[resilient7]

Yeah I have never really agreed with the whole BS "You are immature if you don't accept whatever breadcrumbs I throw at you" bit that ALOT of exes pull.

 

Showing healthy self respect and saying NO to being #2/fallback person/yo-yo/friend-zoned and Saying NO to settling for less than what you want is anything but immature...it's the most mature and dignified thing one can do.

 

Dumpers say it's immature however, it gains self-respect as well as respect from everyone else...including the dumpers themselves later on.

 

Life is ironic, no?

 

Psycho-Think that was my nail on the coffin,Thanks buddy

[jenna-is-here]

My recommendation is to NOT ACCEPT IT. The reason is, you sound like you are doing good and you do not need to invite that back into your life. It is not childish. And who cares if she understands it or not. It will not bring any good. I would ignore it and then if in the future (years) you feel like being friends, you can always send her a request.

[resilient7]

jenna is here-You see that leaves me confused.In YEARS I dont see myself sending her any kind of request,nothing to do with pride but the way things ended (i.e. the lying,using me,)why would anyone want to befriend someone that has played with them.I know one day I''ll see her and if I were to spot her on the street i would never ignore that person but would politely say hi to her but as far as friendship goes I figure she would be the one to initiated it,right? I once offered her my friendship at the end of it all and she declined it so what else was i suppose to do? It just seems that I should be the grown up here and accept,not planning to accept it but can't shake off the guilty feeling.arrrgh