Philpo82

You are not your friends. They don't know what you had. It's sucks they made you feel like you owed them something by being with me at weekends. You can find better people for friends.

I booked my round the world plane tickets yesterday. It still doesn't feel real without you. I'd love to tell you how excited I am about it and tell you all my fears and ask you the questions I have about travelling, but you don't have that right anymore. Not since you walked away. This is the next journey in my life without you; a new chapter. I've been holding onto hope to help me get through this but maybe that hope is just beginning to fade... I miss you L.

Hey L, I'm doing better today, I have been for the last few days. I hope you're OK and enjoying life without me. You know you will always be very special to me & I have almost forgiven you for ending things. Every so often I get so angry with you for not trying, talking to me, having the courage to try and work through the problems you thought we had. You never told me you were unhappy. Why not?! Why could you not be more mature and have more courage. Why choose to remove me totally from your life and throw away what we had? I don't think I'll ever truly understand, even if I told you I do.

This is how I feel right now

I am here too Starting to feel impatient today. I was doing so well and haven't seen any photos of you for a week and then today I had to accidently see a photo of you on facebook didn't I! ](*,) I thought I had mitigated any chance of that happening. Well I hope I have now. For a moment it felt like I was back to week 1 with a massive cut opening up in my chest. I have quickly tried to forget it though & I'm doing better. You know I just wish I was over you already. I don't want this pain anymore. If I see pictures of you I instantly remember what I've lost. You're gorgeous and perfect for me. No I'm not putting you on a pedestal, you really are that great. I know I'm great too but why did your feelings change? Why were you not stronger to try and work this out with me? Why didn't you want me in your life. I've lost so much. I wish it was a year into the future already. I wish I could have clarity and no pain. I wish I didn't think of you before I went to bed and first thing when I wake. Do you even think of me anymore? I still can't believe you're gone. It has been over 5 weeks now and although I've made progress I still feel like it could have been a week. I realise now the only way of getting over you is to forget how great you are and we were.

Do you even think about me anymore? I wonder if you've moved on already. I miss you so much, I would love to see your face again. So many things still remind me of you and all I want to do is speak to you about the things in my life. You were the most important thing in my life. I would have done anything for you Oh what I would give to see you laugh again.

What did you want that I couldn't offer you!? Why wouldn't you tell me what you wanted!? I would have given you the world, why wasn't I good enough for you

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I hate you so much right now.

Last night I dreamt of you. I woke up in the early hours and couldn't stop thinking about you. I try to tell myself to let go, over and over in my head. It helps. I'm scared of what you are going to say in your letter. I'm still in so much pain and know I need to be realistic about things but I still have hope. Please don't dash all my hopes & dreams L.

I miss you so much. I'm starting to forget your face & the sound of your voice. This scares me like crazy. I'm so scared that I'm only going to end up a distant memory to you. I still want so much more one day, we were long distance but could you imagine living in the same town? There's nothing in my life that has filled the void since you left, I still struggle with the pain. I'm not angry at you though & I realise why you did this. I will work on me, become better at communicating with people. I want you in my life, you really are 1 in a million. I still love you & would love to have you back one day xxx