It's hard to know what to say

[Nidania]

My boyfriend, who lives 2000 miles away accross the ocean, lost a family member today. Add on some other really terrible things that happened to him today (he had the worst day I have ever heard of) and he's hurting and sad and in pain and feeling shock and grief.

 

I don't know what I can do to help him feel better. Being so very far away is really difficult when things like this happen. We talked, and I let him say and feel what he wanted, and let him distract himself with silly fluffy things when he wanted.... but I absolutely hate not being able to reach out and just hold him tonight. He is 5 hours ahead of me, and we talked till he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore, and is off to sleep now. Hopefully some sleep will help him feel better about everything that happened today.

 

I don't really know what I am asking for here. Perhaps just some understanding, and maybe a suggestion on what more I can do to help him be okay. He said tonight that I "made all the difference" to him tonight, but all I did was listen, and talk. I wish to God I could do more.

[livelarge]

I bet you did much more than you know. While human touch is a great thing, human connection is even better. He's lucky to have you to talk and listen and he knows that.

 

It is difficult being so far away, but you are still there for him. Hang in there.

[Nidania]

I bet you did much more than you know. While human touch is a great thing, human connection is even better. He's lucky to have you to talk and listen and he knows that.

 

It is difficult being so far away, but you are still there for him. Hang in there.

 

Thank you for your words, they are very kind of you. I hope I was able to help, I know he said I did, but really... having so much go so terribly wrong in one day is a lot for him to bear. He doesn't deserve pain at all, he is the finest man I know.

 

I am hoping that tomorrow some of the fog he is in right now will be lifted, and he will be willing to talk some more about it all. If not though, I will still be there for him.

 

I can't wait till we are in the same place.

[DN]

Sometimes, a message saying "I am thinking of you" is all that is needed for comfort and solace.

[Nidania]

Thank you DN. I will be sending him one of those tonight, so he can see it when he wakes in the morning and I am still asleep.

 

I was thinking to myself "why do bad things happen to good people?" I know there is no reason to it, it's all just coincidence, but I wish there was something I could do to change it.

[HeartGoesOn]

Lending an ear to listen, is one of the kindest gifts that you can give to a person who is grieving.

[Nidania]

He's doing better today. I lent him my ear, talked with him a lot today, and he's feeling better about things right now.

 

I feel miserable though. No idea why. I have no right to.

 

At least I was able to hide it from him today, which is a good thing. He seriously does not need me being stupid and emotional right now.

[Kerrian]

I think you sound like a wonderfully supportive girlfriend, and in situations like this - having someone's voice on the other end of the phone helps in leaps and bounds.

 

When I lost my grandpa, I sent a message the day after, explaining to my boyfriend what had happened...and he rang immediately. To hear his voice on the phone and be able to talk to him just helped more than I can possibly say, and I think it's the same for him.

 

In these situations, you need somebody you love to support you...and since his family need support as well, you being there for him means that he has somebody to lean on, and somebody who will do anything to help him through it.

I think he was telling the truth when he said you made all the difference.

 

As for feeling upset, I understand that.

When something like this happens, it's torturous to not be able to just reach out and hug your partner. It really highlights the distance when one person needs the other to be there.

Don't beat yourself up about being upset, there's no "not having a right to" about it.

 

You sound like a wonderful person to me, and I hope things work out.