My ex is telling everyone I'm a stalker???

[dietpepsi]

Which is not true, yes we got into some fights of course when she broke up with me, but who doesn't? I didn't want to lose her, however....

 

I never sent her flowers, chocolates etc.

I never drove by or to her house

I hardly ever called her, emailed or texted her at all. (maybe 2 calls and a few emails in 6-7 months, literally)

I didn't harass her friends or family

I didn't send her letters or cds in the mail.

I didn't go to her usual hang outs, or follow her

We didn't even speak for a span of almost 5 months.

 

Now however...

We are "friends" she talks to me all the time, I feel more like she has feelings at this point, if this is the trash she is talking behind my back. She drunk texts me emails me, is all smiles when she runs into me.

 

My question is (edit) ? All of her friends and family think I am a stalker because of the stuff she has said to them, and obviously this girl doesn't want to let me out of her life. I have left her alone so many times, and every time she keeps pulling me back into her life.

 

 

Can anyone shed a little light on this behavior? Any experience?

 

Should I confront her about it? It really makes me angry, because I haven't said anything to anyone about her.

[learning2relax]

The way I see it, either one of two things are happening - either your friends are telling you this so that you get over her and heal without holding out hope (which tends to stall our healing) or your ex has a big ego and likes to be the center of attention and is creating drama.

[SapphireNoir10]

This is a blessing in disguise. Doesnt it make you realise how much better off you are without her?

 

Who cares what those people think. You know your not. And im sure they all know what a drama queen she can be.

[dietpepsi]

Its frustrating, like she is two-facing me. She smiles to my face, and then tells her friends I'm obsessed with her? I've told her stay out of my life twice, to which she always subtly works her way back in. It's probably my fault for letting her...It's hard when you feelings for someone, then all of a sudden they put this line out like maybe they are missing you.

 

You're right, I do know I'm not, and she knows I'm not, so her telling all of her friends and family that is well, just really frustrating.

 

 

Do you think that I should confront her about it? Or just let it be and quit talking to her?

[dietpepsi]

EDIT: it told me it didnt post my reply...guess it did, haha.

[donpeel83]

Hi OP. I had the same thing when i broke up with my ex. In my case though it was because the split was a rather messy afair, with me finding out she was serial cheater and me retaliating by signing the lease on our flat over to her without her knowing and leaving her to fund the credit card bills etc on her own. So, in retaliation she started making out i was a stalker to people to justify her "edit" behaviour. In other words she would say to people "My ex is so weird, now do you see why i had to get out??"

[annie24]

I'd confront her and tell her that you won't be contacting her again, ever, in any form, so she can go ahead and stop telling people you are stalking her now.

[lavenderdove]

This is actually kind of common... where someone rewrites history to make themselves look good or suit their own purposes.

 

People will frequently really blacken the name of their ex to justify why they left... they'll cast them as evil etc. Then if they soften up and have told their relatives/friends you are evil, how do they justify continued contact which they themselves may initiate.

 

It is kind of embarassing to say 'my ex was evil and oh by the way i still want him in my life', so instead they re-write history to make you be the one not leaving them alone, when in reality they are encouraging contact.

 

Also, if she is in contact while at the same time encouraging a new man (or chasing one), she has to somehow explain your presence in her life in such a way that lets her have the new man but not quite let go of you either.

 

I've heard SO many stories of 'my ex is crazy' from people, just to find they are perfectly normal people and the person saying they are crazy is a manipulation or an exaggeration to make themselves look better or to meet some need.

 

So don't take it personally, but i would very strongly recommend you calling or sending an email telling her to cease and desist from implying you are a stalker or you will seek legal action for slander. Than say you will have no future contact wth her from then on, and mean it!

[lavenderdove]

btw, it is also very common for married men/cheaters to claim their other woman is 'crazy' and stalking them if the other woman contacts the wife and exposes the affair (or someone else exposes the affair by telling the wife).

 

It is an all purpose lie to avoid accountability for their own actions (blame the victim or partner) rather than admit that not only is the person not a stalker, they are an intimate affair partner. They are just trying to come up wtih some excuse to make themselves look blameless when caught doing something that others won't approve of.

 

So in your case if she blackened your name with your friends after the breakup, and she now is encouraging contact, she wants to make it look like SHE is not going back, but you are MAKING her stay in contact, to make herself look blameless for contact with the 'evil' picture of you she has painted for them.

[SapphireNoir10]

I would cut her out my life. Dont give her the satisfaction of confronting her.

[dietpepsi]

This is a lot of good insight, thanks so much everyone.

 

It just really hurts, because I am probably the most stand up guy she has been with.

Her previous 3 boyfriends all cheated on her, and I was really understanding and patient with the self esteem and trust issues that arose from having those experiences. And for her to dump on me and demagogue me so bad, well I'm only human, it's hard to see it as a positive and a good thing to help me know I don't want this.

 

It's something to shoot for I suppose!

[learning2relax]

I would just ignore it. When you don't give something any credence, it tends to fade away. If people don't see evidence of her stalking and she doesn't file a report - they will come to see her as the drama queen or liar that she is being. If anything, you get more support from your friends if she is telling them these things about you.