It's been a while

[lisaria]

Hi everybody,

It's been a while since I've posted anything but I find myself back once again longing for my ex.

My daughter saw him with his new g/f who is very pretty she said. They were being all lovey and he had his arm around her and smiling and showing her off like she was his trophy (that was how she described it). I didn't want my daughter to know that what she was telling me was hurting so I just made a smart remark about "Gee, I wonder where his kid was" and ended the conversation. But it hurts like hell.

I have not gotten over him by any means, still cry some days but I was doing so much better. I had nearly forgiven him and was starting to move on. Now I have been thrown back a few miles on the road to healing.

It kills me that he is so happy with his new g/f. I wonder if it's the same one he cheated on me with. There is a selfish part of me that wants him as miserable as I am.

It's been 5 months and summer is here. I think about all the things we did last summer and wonder how he can not think of me. I remember the plans we had made for this summer and wonder if he's carrying them out with her. I hate doing the things we did because it reminds me of him but the things we did were things I loved to do and have always done. Does that make any sense? So I am trying to find new things to do but it is not the same. I just want my life back like it was before him. I was free, independent, happy go lucky, and just satisfied with my life as it was. I didn't want a relationship, just a friend. But he came on so damned strong. Promising things, not taking no for an answer, sending flowers at least once a week, candlelit dinners, making plans, talking all night, we had everything in common. I believed every word he said. I was bowled over. He came on like a steamroller and rolled me over. I wanted to take it slow but he overcame all my doubts and fears and look what happened. He hurt me worse than I've ever been hurt in my life. I've realized my mistakes and I took responsiblity and sent him an email apologising for it, no reply of any kind. I guess he was too busy with the new g/f. But that was good, it helped me figure out there was absolutely no hope at all and I could move on.

 

I really felt like I was halfway home on the way to healing. How long is this going to take? Just when you think you've got it together something happens and blows you out of the water. Why does it happen like that? Why can't I stop wishing for him? What will it take? Any advice guys?

[michelemybell]

Hi Lisaria,

I'm sorry for what you are going through. I'm going through a similar experience and I can totally understand how you feel. Just when you feel like you are moving on--WHAMMO, something sends you back to square one and you feel the rejection and hurt all over again. Try to hang in there and take good care of yourself...and remember that one day the tables will be turned. I look toward Angelina Jolie and Uma Thurman for inspiration---Here are two gorgeous and talented women who were dumped by stupid men that decided the grass was greener on the other side. (And then to have to listen to through the media about the women they were seeing! Yikes! Can you imagine??!!) Pick yourself up and dust yourself off and rediscover everything good about you, your talents and your abilities. You'll feel better---and even realize that you're way better off now----and the stories about you as a strong, beautiful and confident woman will definitely get back to him. It always seems to happen that way, and then you can turn the tables on him.

And think of it this way----The new woman gets to experience firsthand all his negative traits. She'll realize too what she's involved with and wonder what she got into. Trust me on this!

[romantic sweetheart]

Hello Lisaria. I know so deeply what you are feeling, for I am feeling this now, relentlessly, damnably, cruelly. I know how unjust it is that the ex seemingly gets to sail blithely along, with some sort of special ticket to living a life without pain. While we, the ones they hurt, hurt cruelly and unfairly, are crumpled to the floor, immobilized by our grief. How could they have been so forcefully ardourous at the start, showering us with attention, flattery, and romance, only to turn a cold shoulder to us once we had reciprocated in kind?

 

I know what this pain is---to see the ex laughing along while we are dying inside. How long does it take to stop feeling obliterated by the thoughts and feelings? Right now, it seems the answer is "indefinitely." Logically, we know it cannot always be this acute, but we cannot see outside of it right now. The pain our hearts habour demands to be felt, taking our whole lives with it, at any cost. We seem to exist as a receptacle of this pain.

 

Right now, we are too shocked to know what to do. Somehow, we have to hand over our trauma to the mysterious, unseen hands of Father Time. And in that, we are frightened, for we have to relinquish our control--we have to admit there is nothing we can do to alter what has been done to us.

 

The only thing we can hold on to, hold on to with all our might, is that we loved. We loved. We loved as much as we could, as hard as we could. We loved, we cherished, we devoted, we accepted, we contributed, we nurtured. We did all these things for our beloved. We allowed these men to pursue us, for the secrets in our hearts felt understood and appreciated. We were charmed and adored. Everything we are as humans---everything we are---are the people who touch our lives. Love is the life of our souls---Of course we can live alone, of course we can have happy moments on our own--But all of us come to our homes--the home of our souls, when we are touched by the joys of love---when we return to the safe places of love and care---And the deepest, most passionate places we will exist is in the heart of romantic love. So when this ends, so much of us is left open and exposed, a gaping wound of loss and pain.

 

But we shall never lose that we have loved, loved even when our hearts cried out in our anguish. We are here because we are the ones feeling, pondering......we are the ones who have been touched deeply. This is what has transpired in our lives---this is our time to grieve, to experience deep loss---for a purpose so mysterious, it cannot always be understood. One thing is: we are all here, all of us accross the globe, all on this same ship of sorrow---travelling along, courageously plunging ahead, and although we feel so utterly alone, we are not---Time and place and circumstance, heaven, the soul, the Unseen world, the spirit of our pain---we are all connected by the same chords of this tragic time in our lives.

 

We have all felt such love--and now we all have experienced its strange and frightening death---But this is only now, this is only for now. All of us still have the glimmerings of the soul's hope inside.

 

Our ex-loves have gone on into another realm, a realm outside of our love and care and comfort. There is a tearing away, and now we must recover. Do not despair----in the face of all these unanswered questions, we are still prevailing. We cannot pretend to know why right now. We cannot pretend to be oblivious to the hurt and rage. But one day, one day so very soon in this life, our hands will be able to release our grief...let it drop away from us, quietly, after all the storming and blackening of our worlds...........

 

We have not lost that we have loved. And we will love again. The soul never runs out of the need to love, and it will continue on until it finds its mark. Sorrow for the ones we cannot keep....but they were never ours to keep............Not ours if we had met them as fresh-faced youths, and not ours if we had met them in our later years......For reasons we can only appreciate when all this has passed, they could not be ours.

 

But there is asoul who will be ours--ours to hold forever--willingly, rightfully, joyfully....One to be ours for all of time. My dear, the pain is now, but not forever. Peace to you always. There is a tomorrow, so very soon, a tomorrow. A soul for all our tomorrows. So hold on, and we will all be here...together, waiting in that same hope.

[blueyed99]

Romantic Sweetheart: I just read your response to the original post

It's been a while. Yes, these times can be soo painful. You write beautifully. Your words are truly inspiring.

Thank you

[Mun]

Lisaria,

hang in there girl. This man obviously didn't recognize your worth, but you know what it is.

Pick yourself up and pamper yourself right now. You deserve it. Take a vacation if you can or a weekend trip, a long bubble bath, anything that will make you feel good about yourself.

 

Start taking more care of yourself so that you become stronger. There are many more men out there, men with character and heart. You will find someone else that will love you and cherish you.

 

A man will value you as much as you value yourself, so treat yourself as a special prize

 

This was just another bump in the road. Be strong girl

 

Love

[lisaria]

Hey guys,

Thank you for your support. Michele, I will remember those ladies. I think they are both so smart and beautiful and talented and to go through a breakup that is so public. You have to admire that.

I am so sorry we are all going through similar situations. RSweetheart, that was beautiful. You said it so eloquently that I could never put it like that, but it is all so true to this situation. We did love damn it! We were dragged screaming and resisting into a relationship (in my case) and gave so much of ourselves to someone who just used us for whatever reason that I sure can't understand and then thrown away and stomped on and hurt so cruelly that I really don't think I will ever trust or love anybody the same way again. It is not right that they are now sailing through life with seemingly no difficulties and nothing holding them back.

Muneca, Thank you for reminding me that there are men out there with character and that are honest and true. I wish my ex had been like that.

We were so unbelievably happy in the beginning. We commented on how everybody was smiling at us because we were smiling about everything. I wish so much had been different. I wish I had been strong and not been anything but a friend to him. I wish that he loved me and had never cheated. I wish...I wish...alot of good that does, huh?

Thank you everyone for your support. I don't know what I would have done without this site. It has helped me so much over the last 4 or 5 months.