I feel weirdly irritable today.. reaction of letting go? (rant)

[baxxter]

Hi all>

 

It's been almost 6 weeks since break up, 3 weeks into I emailed my ex and expressed everything I wanted to say, as well as to state that I am holding onto his stuff for now as I am not ready to face him to return them. (Before anyone asks, no I don't have any mutual friend to do hand-over for me.) Ex replied saying he's happy to wait, said sorry for what's happened, said I am a great person so what happened between us should not drag me down. He ended his email by saying, "I will wait for you to get in touch when you feel ready."

 

I am now kind of seeing a new guy, but I am taking it as slow as I can, and told him what I am going through. It seems like he is not quite understanding of my situation, and pushing me to speed things up, so I am at a halt to progress from here on with him. I don't want to lead him on because if I do I get carried away and get hurt, and hurt him.

 

I am feeling extremely confused. I am not ready to see my ex to hand things over but also feel that it's enough already and I should just get on with it. I wanted to do it when I am not at all confused about my feelings towards anything, but I am, as hell.

 

I am not sure about the new guy, either. I never went out with anyone knowing I liked him, (been in several relationships where I was treated badly and wasn't allowed to express my feelings, so I suppressed me so much now I never know how I feel about ppl.) I certainly don't dislike him, but he lacks what I look for in men. Not that that bothers me because he is really nice and fun, good guy to be with for anyone, I guess. But he doesn't make me happy, and reminds me of my ex (from how different he is to my ex.)

 

I feel so irritable today at work, feel like shouting at someone if poked in anyway, yet don't know why. Is it a reaction on moving on? or is it my body telling me the new guy is rebound? Why am I not happy?

 

I am also suddenly angry at my ex for leaving me, especially right after we got a pet together. I am also a little angry that he left me for such tiny reasons after showing so much signs of commitment. All of sudden I realize that I was pretty much determined to marry my ex, which I never thought of before.

 

I am confused, and angry, and irritable. What is happening to me?

 

Help...

[DN]

Hanging on to his stuff is just another way of trying to hang on to him. Give it back and move on.

[Hell_On_Heels]

baxxter, can you mail his things back to him? That way it's done but you don't have to see him.

 

The anger/irritation is a good thing. For me, it means that I am beginning to stand up for myself - even if it's 2 years after the event that made me mad (wry grin)...but still. I get mad, I stew about it, and then I let it go - it's not even an intentional thing.

 

I don't know abou this new guy. Red flag for me :

***It seems like he is not quite understanding of my situation, and pushing me to speed things up***

 

Maybe I am just paranoid, but to me he's showing a distinct lack of empathy, and is somewhat controlling (or could be - remember that the early days are the best behaviors you're ever gonna see out of someone).

 

I understand he may want a relationship with you, but if you're not ready, you're just not ready.

[FreedomRing]

Hanging on to his stuff is just another way of trying to hang on to him. Give it back and move on.

 

Agreed!! Just give it back. And dating someone new after 6 weeks? I'm afraid this doesn't sound fair to anyone.

[baxxter]

Thank you all for your posts;

 

I am not sure returning his things would make me feel differently at this point. I said I am holding onto it, but it meant I am not throwing them away. It's not like I am clutching onto them. I need to face him, rather than mailing them, to smile and say good bye to him, rather than him walking out of me like he did 6 weeks ago. I want that. He is letting me do that, and I get to call when that happens, but I just am feeling confused and not ready for it. I was getting ready at a good pace till about 1 week ago. Why am I confused all of sudden? I was moving on nicely.

 

I am not dating anyone. (Please read more carefully, sorry but like I said I am irritable,) The new guy asked me out, I said no, and he came to chat with me after my shifts a couple of times. Told him all about my situation, and we are NOT dating, just exchanging txts, and discussing maybe we go out one time, is all.

 

Hell, in your case you are entitled to be angry for a long time, what your ex did was just horrible, it's beyond changing of a heart like mine did. I was accepting the break-up, believing it to be either him finding someone else, or got commitment phobic, while doing everything to better myself. I was doing so well, but this feeling of mud in my gut is just not good.

 

And, thanks for red-flag thing. Yes, that's true, he maybe too thick to get the idea through to his head, never thought of that. It's possible.

[Hell_On_Heels]

Thank you all for your posts;

 

I am not sure returning his things would make me feel differently at this point. I said I am holding onto it, but it meant I am not throwing them away. It's not like I am clutching onto them. I need to face him, rather than mailing them, to smile and say good bye to him, rather than him walking out of me like he did 6 weeks ago. I want that. He is letting me do that, and I get to call when that happens, but I just am feeling confused and not ready for it. I was getting ready at a good pace till about 1 week ago. Why am I confused all of sudden? I was moving on nicely.

 

It makes sense that you would want to close the relationship with dignity, and also being an example of how you would have preferred he act towards you. It's good that you waited, since you're on a dip in this crazy emotional roller coaster we're all riding....and who is driving this thing, may I ask? Some deranged clown? Argh!

 

I don't think any of us get through this without some ups and downs, some backsliding. It's rotten, but it seems natural. Maybe we need to ask how to get back up rather than sitting stunned on our backsides and wondering how we got knocked back down...I don't know. I have the same ups and downs.

 

Hell, in your case you are entitled to be angry for a long time, what your ex did was just horrible, it's beyond changing of a heart like mine did. I was accepting the break-up, believing it to be either him finding someone else, or got commitment phobic, while doing everything to better myself. I was doing so well, but this feeling of mud in my gut is just not good.

 

And, thanks for red-flag thing. Yes, that's true, he maybe too thick to get the idea through to his head, never thought of that. It's possible.

 

Awwww, thanks I think we should all go over to my ex's house and rip his beard hairs out one by one. Kidding!

Yeah, he was a piece of work all right, and I never saw that level of cruelty coming...something for me to really think about over the next months/years. But I refuse to hate him or hang on to it all. I feel like being bitter means he wins - even though it's not a contest. Being bitter certainly means I lose, and I'm not willing to keep losing.

So there, evil ex! Take that! LOL

 

Again, on the red flags, maybe I am really paranoid - but it's something worth watching out for.

 

The feeling of mud in your gut...that is very expressive, I like it. - the expression, not that you're feeling this way.

Is there something you can do for you today to spoil yourself? To get the mud out of your belly even if temporarily?

[baxxter]

Hi, Hell, thanks for the post...

 

I saw your post, and left work, and came back home only to find my place trashed by the pet. On my way home I was thinking and thinking of de-mudding my gut by doing something positive, but, I can't cope with this pet any more. I really, really want to tell my ex how much I hate the way he left me with this monster, when it required lots of attention from 2 humans!

 

In my last email to ex I never accused him of doing anything, it was not a bitter note because I wasn't really angry at him at that point. I thought he misunderstood the circumstances and left me on a whim, so I explained my side of story, but never blamed him on anything.

 

But now, now, I am furious about the pet. I have been really trying to cope but this is too much. I am glad this is not a human baby, but it still is too much, and it's not fair on the pet, either.

 

I just wanna txt and tell him that I'm giving it away even though that's probably not going to happen. Urrrrrgh.

[Hell_On_Heels]

Ohhhhh, baxxter - been there with a pet trashing the house. Come to think of it, I've been there with my teenagers trashing the house, too. Hmmmmmmm.

 

Take a long hot bubble bath when you have restored order and fantasized about training your pet to clean up after itself. (I am sooooo bossy!)

 

Is it a dog? I crated mine during the day. I've also locked him in the kitchen (tiled floor) so that he had playing room but was still confined. This eliminated a lot of after-work cleaning. Assuming it's a dog, do you have doggie daycares there? I took mine twice a week, and I swear it was worth every penny. He'd be so worn out after a full day there that he'd sleep for the next 1-2 days.

[baxxter]

Hi Hell,

 

I am about to sleep but wanted to post before then, I'd rather not to say what it is, but yes, I have done everything you've suggested save the day care (we have walkers over here in England) coz I just can't afford it. I have re-arranged my living room so he won't have any access to anything, but, god, this thing is like a monkey!! Today he ate my book, behaviour training text papers, post-its! HOW??

 

I have enrolled him in a training class but he only acts SO nicely in the class, and as I work such a long way away from home he misbehaves when left alone. I would have NEVER gotten him if I were single...

 

Thanks again for your post, and may I say you are looking mighty good in the picture (been meaning to say for a few days now!)

 

night x

[Hell_On_Heels]

Maybe pet manacles? LOL! Good night, sleep well, and thank you for the compliment. I took that pic of me a few weeks after the breakup. It's the only one I have where I'm not smiling or cracking up laughing.

[baxxter]

Manacles, lol.

 

I woke up feeling OK, then bang! trapped in this massive traffic jam, started to miss my ex. I am not OK. I really need to talk to my ex...

 

Is it good idea to take this one anger out on my ex? After all it IS my pet...

[JoshHimself]

Good idea B? Nah, just let some time go by, and think if he really deserves these emotions out of you? Breathe deep, think hard, you know whats best for you, then do it. Or dont

[Hell_On_Heels]

Good morning, baxxter Or afternoon for you, I guess.

 

I know you and your ex were supposed to raise the demon-pet together, and he's let you down by breaking up...but you have the pet now, so....? I'd be mad, too, but I don't think going off on your ex is going to improve things for you.

 

Right now everything is bothering you - traffic, the pet, the ex, the inability of tv weathermen to ever get their predictions right...and this is normal. I bet it feels like your nerves are on the outside of your skin these days. Something like that?

 

You need an outlet, like kickboxing. Something satisfyingly physical so you can release these emotions. Punch pillows if you have to...just something very physical.

 

I wonder if the pet is picking up on your emotions and maybe is acting worse now? They do that sometimes. It might be that he/she calms down some when you are feeling more calm. Or you might have a very hyperactive pet on your hands which will require better solutions than the pathetic few I'm offering...but mainly, once you can release the anger in a positive way, you'll be able to find the answers to the pet issue.

 

I'm more concerned about you right now than the pet...