Creepy online guy

[cant lose]

I wasn't sure where to put this because I don't do online dating but it's the closest category in this forum that relates to what I need help with.

 

So I met this one guy online, just being friends and stuff, talking about general things on MSN (we met on a music forum). A little later some stranger adds me on facebook, and I ask them who they are, and he's like "it's me". I'm like, how the heck did he get my facebook? I never even told him my last name, but he said you can find people on facebook by their email addresses and that seemed fair enough. Side note: there's no picture of him on facebook, but there ARE some of myself. So we kept chatting on MSN and we happen to be into the same kind of music, so we got to talking about that especially an artist we both like, and he said he has 5 of the artist's brand new CDs he would send to me if I wanted to. Ok, I know it was extremely dumb of me, and I know I made a mistake so please no saying things like "are you stupid? why would you do that?" but I gave him my address so he could send them. We had been talking for days and he just didn't seem like a creeper at all. But I know that no matter what someone SEEMS like, I still shouldn't trust them. But it's done and over with, so don't tell me I was dumb, me making a mistake is not the point of this thread.

 

Anyway, the CDs came, they were in fact brand new and I was so happy. During our conversations after that, he seemed to get....weirder. Some things that threw me off:

 

-He's 24, I'm 18. He kept saying how he would never go for a young girl like me. It's not like I asked him, he would just keep saying "sorry, it's not that you're not my type, I just don't go for girls more than 5 years younger than me"....while I'm thinking "okkaaaay? I didn't ask you nor do I care." It's not like I'm attracted to him like that. But he kept mentioning it.

 

-I know his name and the state he lives in. He has also shown me one pic of him, and it was very far away that I couldn't make out his face much....plus, I wasn't thinking much of it then so I never even saved it on my computer for future (police) use, lol.

 

-He tells me a lot of things that he claims he's never told anyone...it makes me feel a little uncomfortable but it's not a big deal. Still though...

 

-In the middle of our conversations, he sometimes randomly types things like "you look good in your default picture" or "I bet you have all these guys after you" or jokingly "haha, you should come live with me", things that had nothing to do with what we were conversing about and a little strange/creepy I have to admit. Like out of the blue. Otherwise, the conversations are pretty general, like school and work (aka BORINGGGG).

 

-When we haven't talked in a while, he messages me on facebook and it's pretty annoying because I don't even feel like replying, the messages are kinda long too. And sometimes I DO ignore it and never reply. Or sometimes I'm on MSN and he'll start typing and I just log off. Can't he get the point?

 

The biggest thing that happened that scared me was:

-He mentioned he was going on a road trip to a few states for some type of school project and he asked me to go with him , to which I replied kinda rudely with "I don't even know you like that, sorry but it's kinda weird that you would ask me" to which he replied with "oh...it's just that none of my friends are free at the time and I can't find anybody that wants to go with me". Still I said no because that's just weird. And I even thought he was lying about the whole "school project thing" but looking at his facebook wall a lot of people have posted with stuff like "no sorry, I'm busy that day, but have fun on your road trip" and a bunch of other things, so he doesn't seem to be faking it. And I can see where he goes to school, when his birthday is and some other info. But I still barely know what he looks like and I feel like he knows all these things about me while I kinda barely know anything about him...it's like very general info.

 

And I know I'm the type of person who blows things out of proportion. It's like, somedays I'm scared he'll just show up at my door and grab me or something. Other days, I just see him as someone really normal. It's not like he did something VERY weird or strange that I'd definitely have to look out for him. But still....something's just OFF....I can feel it. I'm scared that if I block him on everything, he'll show up and shoot me or something. He said when he comes back from the road trip, he'll show me more pictures of him, I'll save those on my computer along with all the info I know about him so if anything does happen, they can be useful.

 

Here's my question to anybody who even read this. Am I being over dramatic? Or would you be a little scared too?

[savignon]

I think you're a very wise young lady to be questioning this and considering what you might do differently next time. You're also smart to trust your gut. I don't think you're dumb at all...in fact, I think most women have some experience like this at some point and they learn to be more "self preserving" in the future as a result. This is just "your turn"

Some ideas on how to get rid of him (assuming that's what you want):

1) Be less available. Set your im status to "away" or "busy" so that he sees that but anyone else you really want to talk to, you still can (I think that will work...I haven't im'd anyone in years!) Don't respond to his facebook emails/ims and just kind of act busy. In time, he could lose interest. This means not engaging with him in emails or in any other way (im/texts/etc)

2) Use your parents. Tell him that your parents found out you're talking to an older guy who sent you a package in the mail and they're pretty upset and are making sure you remove him from FB and that you don't contact him anymore. Tell him you trust your parents and they're probably right that you shouldn't be talking to an older guy like you have been (this way he doesn't shift to a "we could sneak away" kind of thing)

3) Tell him straight up that you're not comfortable with the kind of friendship that's developed and you're going to take some time off from it and remove him from FB.

4) Tell him you recently started dating someone and he's not comfortable with the friendship you have with this guy and therefore you're removing him from FB and won't be talking to him anymore

Whatever you do, trust your gut and act on it...and be proud that you're a pretty smart girl (all smart girls do "dumb" things at least once!!)

[HeartGoesOn]

I would document any and all contact from him, in case you need the information for future reference.

 

Also, I would learn a very important lesson here, Never give a stranger on the internet any personal information.

[Fudgie]

I would go with your gut on this one.

 

Block him on EVERYTHING. I mean it, just block him on everything.

 

Or send him a message on your Facebook pretending to a parent and in your most perfect structural grammar, tell him that you found out about "your daughter" and him and you took over her Facebook to see what was up, and you're not HAPPY and you're deleting him and he better stay away from your daughter or you'll get the police involved. Trust me, he'll leave you alone. Then block him.

 

I would avoid telling him off or letting it progress further. Either get your parents involved or pretend to. If he's a real creep (like you feel he is) then he's going to go away fast. Even a normal guy would.

[pacman]

Yeah you can lock down your facebook, its pretty straight forward so that he cant even search for it and block him on whatever messenger he uses.

 

He will get the idea, or really he wont have a choice.

[Fudgie]

The thing that just worries me about this is that the creep has your address.

Does he live far away from you?

[jenny_mcs]

I honestly don't see what is so creepy.

 

- The OP is friends with a guy online

- Using her email he adds her on Facebook

- She accepts

- She continues to chat with him

- She gives him her address so he can send her a present

- He occasionally makes flirty remarks

- He asks her if she wants to go on a road trip with him

 

Where is the creep factor?

[Fudgie]

I honestly don't see what is so creepy.

 

- The OP is friends with a guy online

- Using her email he adds her on Facebook

- She accepts

- She continues to chat with him

- She gives him her address so he can send her a present

- He occasionally makes flirty remarks

- He asks her if she wants to go on a road trip with him

 

Where is the creep factor?

 

Whether someone is creepy or not often depends on your gut feeling from your interactions with the person, not on what the person actually does. The OP feels that the guy is being a creeper here and that's her gut talking so i think she should follow that feeling. She knows better than us.

[cant lose]

Thanks to everyone who replied.

 

I honestly don't see what is so creepy.

 

- The OP is friends with a guy online

- Using her email he adds her on Facebook

- She accepts

- She continues to chat with him

- She gives him her address so he can send her a present

- He occasionally makes flirty remarks

- He asks her if she wants to go on a road trip with him

 

Where is the creep factor?

 

I don't know, I just don't feel very comfortable when I talk to him. I just get this uneasy feeling.

 

To the other people who suggested ideas....the "pretend to be your parents" one would have to be the best. I also created a folder on my computer with all the info I can get on him, some of our conversations, and will save the pictures he shows me on it.

 

Honestly, I do think I was overreacting, and judging by his facebook and how people post on his wall he DOES seem to just be a normal person. But it was a huge mistake to give him my address. And he's very open with me about a lot of things...to the point where I question "why is he telling me this stuff?" and feel a little weird. His being flirty and saying random things like that makes it even worse. So if I just block him and tell him to never contact me again, I can imagine he would probably be at least a little hurt. And I kinda connect the "hurt" to "he has my address" and I get all paranoid. I just don't really want to continue with it. It's tiring that he messages me on facebook (now that I'm never on MSN anymore) at least once a month, which might not seem like a lot but once I think he finally backed off and took the hint, I get a new message and it's all long and detailed and I just feel bad because I don't have the heart to just tell someone off like that. And I honestly can't explain it, but it's a feeling I get once in a while just thinking about it, especially the fact that he knows exactly where I live (it's not like I've never encountered creepers before...both online and in real life, which have raised many red flags and maybe that's what's making me so paranoid over this one).

 

P.S. about the road trip, THAT'S where I started to get the feeling even more. Answer this question: would you ask someone you met online to go on a road trip with you? I wonder, did he even think that was possible? He knows I'm starting college so I'd be busy, and did he even wonder about what my parents would say if I asked them to go on a trip with some random guy I met online if I had actually wanted to go?

[LightbulbSun]

The road trip is kind of weird, but the rest is normal human behavior. I just don't see what's so creepy about this guy?

[big greg]

I also don't really see anything significant that stands out as being creepy. However, I've made a buttload of friends in the past on all kinds of forums when someone organized a totally random meet/greet. I wouldn't have met two of my good friends today if I didn't blindly meetup with some strangers. These types of random/stranger meetups are becoming real common now in today's world. When I was 21, I started chatting with a 15 year old girl halfway accross the country online.. and we still talk all the time and over the course of 5 years we actually became really close and she invited me to fly in for her 20th birthday this past Feb. All of the experiences I've had with meeting up with random people met over the internet have been good so far, but then again I'm a male with a big presence so there are probably no predators out to get me.

 

Maybe he's just a friendly guy, but if you aren't comfortable with him then you should just be honest with him and tell him you don't want to talk anymore instead of just ignoring him and hoping he goes away. My thinking is that if he really IS crazy or something, he will be more likely to come "get" you if you completely ignore him instead of just nicely telling him that you aren't comfortable with talking to him. It shows good character. I know it's always easier for me to deal with someone just being honest and telling me they don't want to talk to me instead of just ignoring me. Don't take this the wrong way, but I personally think you are over-analyzing him a little bit. Your worries could be preventing you from possibly forming a great friendship with this guy...

[Lamour detruit]

People saying he's just friendly..might be true, but you're better of not talking to him either way. The fact is you do not feel comfortable around him, and whether he is creepy or not..says enough. Your gut feeling is the most important thing, and if you it doesn't feel right..then what on earth is the point in talking to him ?

 

You have given a lot of information about yourself to him, while you know very little about him. Not saying it is necessarily creepy..but it does say something. Next time, I suggest being very careful about supplying anyone with your address.

[Loriana]

First of i'd like to say that i honestly don't blame you for feeling paranoid or a bit creeped out because i would too. In my experience, i have come accross quite a few weirdos on MSN who have creeped me out. Everyone has different experiences online and most people on forum sites etc tend to be normal and ok but you do come accross the odd one or two.

 

I think we hear so much on the news about pedophiles meeting up with young girls and murdering them that it does make us scared. Especially with being female and everything we can feel threatened very easily. I would worry if i gave out my address to anyone but the main thing is he hasn't shown up at your door yet or anything so lets hope it stays that way.

 

Also, if you feel like something isn't right about this guy then it probably isn't. Definatly go with your intution. I'd be careful considering he has your address so let him down gently and hopefully he'll get the message.

 

Good Luck

 

__________________

 

I, i don't understand why you're leaving me,

I, i don't understand how without you i can't breathe,

Please don't, don't leave me here,

take my hand i'm bleeding tears.

[savignon]

To the OP, if your gut was giving you a creepy feeling, then listen to that and trust it. It doesn't have to mean that he's "out to get you"...just that he makes you uncomfortable. When people tell a person (a young lady especially) "I don't see what's so creepy about that" or "he just seems normal", as if the person is over reacting, a lot of times that person learns to avoid any feelings of self-preservation and instead wants to "be nice" and not over-react, which can lead to trouble when a situation calls on you to act in your own best interest in the future. There's absolutely nothing wrong with not talking to this guy anymore. Please learn to trust yourself..it's a skill that will serve you well in life.

[CandyKins]

No, you're not being dramatic.

 

He doesn't sound like a creep, otherwise he would do a lot worse things and these just sound like a guy that's lonely or a loner especially that he hasn't got anyone to go out with and what you're the only one.. on the net? and also by him flirting with you and keeps on at it. Does he have a social life if he doesn't then he's a loner. Well that's what I think anyways. it's hard to tell what a person is like on the net, unless they make it crystal clear.

 

I suggest you say you have a bf and you're serious and no don't block him or anything because it'll only upset him and he does have your home address... as long as you're kind, act busy and appear "away" or "busy" on MSN and make something up that you're doing an acting course, or some big course that you need to forcus on 100 percent. Basically make yourself seem really busy but keep cool and causal about it. Don't be too friendly, be friendly but keep it simple. he can't argue with that. there was this guy on the net and he was a real creep and kept wanting us to have a romantic relationship. didn't see him for a few weeks and he's still on it! I got so sick and tired of this I ended up lying that I have a bf and he shutted up then.

There's no need to be cruel to this guy or raise your trumpet. eventually he'll ease off from you and it'll be like no hard feelings. you could say you're moving house but.. ah say if he does come to your house randomly you could make up some tale that it didn't go successful.

 

okay, best of luck. xx stay safe.

[cant lose]

Hey guys, sorry for the kind of late response.

 

I really appreciate the time all of you took to reply to my thread. In the end, I have decided that he's not a creeper and I'm saying this because I know myself really well and I do tend to exaggerate things.

 

It's just that, we live 2 states away from each other, and to get to his destination on his school trip, he would have to pass through the state I live in first in order to get there. And I just kept thinking that as he's passing, he might decide to stop by and show up at my doorstep. I kept having that vision play in my mind and I was so scared that it would come true. Only the fact that I gave him my address is making me paranoid. Other than that, I honestly don't think he's a creeper. Or like some of you said, he would've done worse things by now. I've known him since November of 2009 and I'm sure that if I felt ANY sort of weird vibes coming from him I wouldn't have trusted him with my address in the first place.

 

And to the person above, yes, he is a loner. He's only had one girlfriend and she left him...so that kind of explains it. Doesn't have many friends either from what he's told me and from what I can see on facebook.

 

Anyway, I decided to just let it be. Maybe I'll start to pull away slowly, and if the situation gets out of hand and he DOES turn out to be a creeper, I'll take some of you guys' advice and pretend to be my parents and so on and so forth. But I highly doubt it.

[big greg]

Well if you've decided that he's not a creeper then why are you still going to withdraw from him?

[cant lose]

Because...how do I explain this.

 

I've met people in my life for whom I never truly cared if they were in my life or not. It's like, my life would be the exact same with or without them. But WITH them it's a little more inconvenient as I just don't feel like putting up with them anymore.

 

Same with this guy. I just don't care anymore. It was fun talking to him at first, but it's just gotten old and his conversations are just....boring. In my personal opinion, there's only a certain length a friendship can reach online before it begins to just be....almost like it never existed. Kinda mean, but this is how I feel.

[cant lose]

UPDATE, I NEED HELP

I know this is an old thread but I have to revive it because something happened.

 

I really need some insight.

 

So I took some of you guys' advice and just let it be. But I was wrong, I should've went with my instinct.

 

I deleted my facebook so he can't stalk me there or anything.

But he still had my email, so he would email me. We'd talk about the usual normal things, but then I finally told him that the fact that he has my real home address makes me uncomfortable and he said he understands and that he would never do anything with it. One time he asked me for my cell phone number. Well, since he has my address it can't be worse than that, plus he gave me HIS number first so it really wouldn't have made a difference. I gave my phone number to him and he started texting me. One time he even CALLED me out of the blue...who does that? Especially after that fact that HE was the one saying he only wanted to text me and then proceeded to tell me not to text him at certain times because he'd be in class (when I didn't even care about his number, he made it seem like I was the one initiating everything). I ignored the phone call, didn't pick up, because just HELL NO. Then today he texted me and started talking about his road trip and told me he would send me a souvenir from whatever state he visits. That's when I thought to myself what the HELL? I didn't even ASK for him to send me anything....I mean, apparently I hadn't made it clear to this guy that THE FACT THAT HE HAS MY ADDRESS makes me feel uncomfortable. And does he even stop to think that everything he sends me my PARENTS can see in the mailbox? So what I did, I texted him back saying "That's ok, I don't want one." and when I went home I emailed him saying to not contact me anymore because he makes me feel uneasy and then blocked him. I was completely honest and did not threaten him or anything, I also tried to not make it rude.

 

Now that it's over and done with, and MAN am I glad I did this.....my concern is getting killed or something. Again, I know I'm probably making a HUGE deal out of this...but I just keep picturing him showing up out of nowhere and murdering me.

 

What do you guys think?

[Lamour detruit]

Your instinct was right, as I thought it would be when you first started this thread. He might not be crazy, but he certainly has tendencies that come accross as..creepy or maybe just socially awkward. However, clearly it creeps you out, and that alone is reason never to talk to him again. It is a shame he has your address, because that is the one thing you should always keep to yourself until you're sure it's okay. You have said what you wanted to say, and it is probably best to leave it at that.

[cant lose]

Thanks for replying so fast, I was lurking and waiting for it. haha

Yeah, he's socially awkward because from the conversations I've had with him he's told me things like "I lost all my friends back in high school" and "my one and only girlfriend left me" and stuff like that. He's online a LOT too....so...

 

The only thing I can hope for is for my parents to get a new house...they have been planning on that for a while. I just hope it happens soon, then he can't find me.

[Lamour detruit]

No problem. I doubt anything is going to happen, just sounds like he doesn't know his boundaries combined with awkwardness. Try not to freak out about it, since I am sure you'll be fine, moving or not moving. About time you put this behind you though, since it's clearly gone on for too long.

[cant lose]

WOOO, that was a breath of fresh air just reading what you typed.

Haha, I was sitting here being all anxious and my mom noticed and asked me what was wrong.

I thought about telling her, just in case I disappear one day, then she'd know why, LOL.

 

But, you made me feel so much better.

 

Edit: Also, forgot to add that the first time I told him that the fact that he has my address made me feel uncomfortable, he replied with "I suppose I DO have it, but you can trust that I'll never do anything with it"....which made me wonder, if he SUPPOSES that he has it and won't ever do anything with it, why can't he just get rid of it? I mean, if it's written or saved somewhere, just erase it or delete it....especially after I'm clearly telling you that I don't like the fact that you have my address.

That's why I keep thinking he's going to come over and stab me.