What do you think about asking for the first kiss?

[LoveSoDeep]

If you had the choice would you rather it just happened, or would you rather your date asked first?

 

For me it just seems kinda odd if they ask...I mean of course it's nice that they are respecting my space but it's a date they are supposed to be testing boundaries right?

 

Also it just feels kinda contrived to me...it goes like this:

 

Him: I'd like to kiss you.

Me: (surprised) ummmm well ok

*Awkward pause*

Even more awkward kiss.

And now what? ...you guessed it awkward pause again!

 

When I was younger this was sweet and kinda endearing I guess...but I'm in my 30s now and it just feels like I'm in a scene and the directors says..."ok and this where you two kiss...so lets see it!"

 

And guys why do you do this?

[iBroken]

Let it happen naturally

[easyguy]

I never ask. I go for it if I'm feeling it. So far , it's always happened on the first or second date. Much more romantic if you just let it happen. Go in for the full hug , press your foreheads together , and you usually know where it's going. The very last thing done on the date before going our separate directions. The girls who give me a half-hug aren't feeling it.

[abitbroken]

My boyfriend asked and I thought it was wonderfully charming. He took my hand and a few minutes later he asked if he could kiss me. It wasn't on the first date. I would say about the 4th.

 

ps, my guy was the type to open doors for me and pull out my chair for me on the first date, etc, so it sort of "fit" his personality to do so. It wouldn't work for everybody

[Stay_home]

I don't ask, either. However, for those that do there is nothing wrong or to be ashamed about it. As long as you can be cool or smooth with it and say it with a little bit of pride and confidence in yourself.

[oldenoughtoknow]

I'm a guy, and I don't do this...maybe some guys have watched too many old movies?

[StrawberryYogurt]

I've always asked. My G/F loved it. The other girls, I don't know if they liked me asking, but once I kissed them, did it matter?

[LoveSoDeep]

I've always asked. My G/F loved it. The other girls, I don't know if they liked me asking, but once I kissed them, did it matter?

 

Interesting....so you "always" ask. I kinda thought the guys who had asked me that it was just how it played out that night, not that it was something they always do.

 

My date last night did this....and I feel like he might have been thinking about trying to hold my hand or make more contact earlier in he evening but it just never worked out b/c of the environment of the date so he asked. I think that took the romance out of it....but maybe now he won't be afraid to try again without asking.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

ive never had a guy ask to kiss me... im not sure how i would feel if it happenend. Part of me thinks it sounds kind of romantic... the other part thinks it might be kinda awkward. I guess it would depend on everything else going on.

 

Maybe some guys do it because they are less likely to get rejected that way. if a guy straight up asked me, id probably feel bad and just say yes... whereas if i wasnt feeling it and he tried to just kiss me, id probably just turn my cheek or something lol

[easyguy]

... whereas if i wasnt feeling it and he tried to just kiss me, id probably just turn my cheek or something lol

 

I went on a date last summer with an acquaintance of mine who I fancied as it were , and she made it very clear with the head turn and one armed hug that she wasn't feeling it. I didn't ask her or anything. It was just one of those gestures , and the cue tends to be clear (from my experience).

[livelarge]

I tried the cheek turn with one guy and he continued to follow my cheek around until we were bent like pretzels. He landed his kiss because I physically could not turn anymore. I would have preferred he asked first so I could have said no. As is, I had to "breakup" with him the next day as he thought we were dating since we "kissed".

 

Really it all depends on the guy and the vibe of the evening.

[LoveSoDeep]

ive never had a guy ask to kiss me... im not sure how i would feel if it happenend. Part of me thinks it sounds kind of romantic... the other part thinks it might be kinda awkward. I guess it would depend on everything else going on.

 

Maybe some guys do it because they are less likely to get rejected that way. if a guy straight up asked me, id probably feel bad and just say yes... whereas if i wasnt feeling it and he tried to just kiss me, id probably just turn my cheek or something lol

 

You may be onto something there...maybe it's a fear of rejection thing.

 

Funny though if he hadn't asked and had just tried it I would have probably gone for it anyways and he may have been more happy with what he got. lol b/c like I said I was surprised and felt like the romance had been deflated out of the moment so it wasn't an earthshaking experience by any means. I know he can't read my mind (and thank god for that!) but I am still really confused as to why they would ask....I've been the one to initiate the first kiss before and I never even thought to ask.

[Sparkly Eyes]

I would actually love that! I would just say no if I didn't want to kiss them and if I did I would start kissing them without saying anything.

[northernlight_]

I asked my fiance before our first kiss... she loved that I asked and to this day still will tell me how much she appreciated it.

 

It was cute she said ok but I'm not really good haha awwww

[pinkelephant]

I wish my bf asked. He just came at me out of no where and it really freaked me out. LOL. I think my first bf did that too (came at me out of no where...), but I successfully dodged it. He asked me for our actual first kiss and I found it annoying, but I guess he had to... since I jumped on the bus the first time he tried to kiss me!

 

Girls! haha.

[oldenoughtoknow]

I can see where, in the right situation, asking first might feel romantic and work out very well. The fear of rejection is an interesting angle. As a guy, I would feel more vulnerable (or worse...needy) by asking - it's too easy to say no. I've ended lots of dates with a goodbye when they're not going well, and I've only had one first date turn her cheek. Turns out she was just shy, as it later turned into a LTR. So yeah, I think it depends on the moment.

[Slagar]

To my understanding...

If the moment is right: and you ask, then you will get a positive response, or it will drain some of the romanticism out of the moment, or even further make it slightly awkward.

 

If the moment isn't right: and you ask, you're going to get blown out of the water, or you'll have a really really awkward kiss.

 

So really, asking isn't necessary - it's just "confirming" to the guy that it's okay. A really assertive person (or someone who well-and-truly didn't care about you/the outcome) wouldn't need this kind of confirmation.

 

Why do guys ask? There is so much pressure on a guy to act, to be assertive, to make the first move, that we put a lot of pressure on ourselves, and it becomes very difficult (or later really kick ourselves for not doing it; mmhmm). The more you like the person, the more you care about screwing it up - the harder it gets.

 

Honestly, I once went out with a ballsy chick, who realised I was having trouble making the first move, and so one day she just grabbed me and kissed me. Afterwards, she was like "Sorry if that was too forward, I jus-" as I kissed her again It turned into a stunning relationship, but it wouldn't have happened if she hadn't broken the ice.

(*sigh* I am struggling with this right now too lol).

[LoveSoDeep]

@Slagar - I just read your other post....maybe you and my date really were in the same situation he just got there much sooner. Looking back I can tell that maybe he was trying to steer things in a direction where he would have more of a reason to try getting closer to me earlier in the night but it just wasn't working b/c either I was oblivious or the environment just wasn't good for it.

 

I kinda feel bad b/c I do like him but it really was an odd moment to ask. He had walked me back out b/c I needed to walk my dog so we're outside with my dog just standing by the thrash dumpsters behind my building and I think he saw that as his last chance. He knew it was "not smooth" and he even said so. So it was awkward we did kiss but it was quick and I pulled away...so it probably wasn't everything he was hoping for.

 

And I haven't heard from him since...I should probably just wait it out huh? No sense in send a quick text right? or would that show that all is not lost...

 

edit: lol as soon as I posted this he texted me a funny inside joke from our date....actually it took me reading it 3 times through before I realized what he was talking about.

[Slagar]

Relationships are so funny, aren't they? It's such a brilliant dance we create for ourselves.

 

How long has it been? You could send him a message to let him know you're still interested. Sometimes after a date, usually during the same day, I'll send a light/fun message like "Hey rockstar, I had fun today. [some light tease based on what happened that day]".

With my last date, I was kicking myself, and then the day after, she simply sent me a message asking me how my day was going. It showed she was still interested on some level, and really eased my mind.

 

Edit Haha! I'm happy to hear that. He was probably waiting until he felt it safe to talk too. My goodness! I hope next time you go out, that things are a little easier

[LoveSoDeep]

Haha! Well I'm glad you responded b/c if he hadn't texted it was good to know that maybe a cute quick little message wouldn't have hurt...I mean if I had sent something and he didn't answer at least I'd know he was not interested anymore.

 

No talk of when we will meet up again but he's moving this weekend so I'm not going to push.

[MD Geist]

I wouldn't kiss her for a very longtime till she was driven crazy.

[Fudgie]

I haven't "asked" for the first kiss, but I have gone for it myself, so I initiated it. Ended well though.

 

My first kiss with my boyfriend was fairly mutual. He was making me fish for dinner. I walked to him, he snaked his arm around my waist (holding a plate of fish with the other) and we both leaned in at the same time. LOL.