Do you continually date a certain "kind" of person? (a pattern)

[Fudgie]

I think this will be an interesting thread.

 

I've found that some people, who knows maybe most, tend to date a certain kind of "guy" or "girl". Maybe they are actively looking for that certain type or maybe it's something more subconscious but yet they keep ending up with that sort of person, either to their own benefit or detriment.

 

I am curious about you guys. Do you have a pattern of dating a certain "type", (can be a stereotype, guys with similar looks, ambitions, psychological issues...etc). And why do you have that pattern? And is it good for you?

 

I have a pattern that has existed through dating both men my own age and older men. I tend to go for guys who are true loners and aren't insecure/feel bad about it, but generally prefer to be alone. I'm really picky but the typical guy I date is: a hermit, a shut-in, bookworm-ish/studious, very few friends, doesn't go out, no drinking/smoking...someone who is more on the morbid side and has seen a lot in life but will be loyal to me.

 

Every single guy that I have ever dated or even been attracted to has the feeling that they don't "fit in" with normal society because of their solitary nature and have been rejected by most people. Instead of wallowing, they rely on themselves for happiness, spirituality, and stability.

 

It's HUGE for me because I can relate to this 100%.

I don't think it's bad because I've done fine dating wise and am now very happy with my boyfriend who fits this type to a T.

 

Ok now what about you guys?

[DrKitten]

The only consistent patterns I've noticed is that all of the men I've dated have been into cooking and made pretty good food. Physically, most of them have been dark haired white guys. I don't really follow a personality pattern. When I was younger I dated a few nerdy gamers, which turned out to not be for me. I also dated a total party animal, which didn't work. Now I'm looking for a balance of nerdiness/partier.

[WomanWriter]

On the surface, it seems my choice of guys has been all over the map, but when you look deeper, there is a striking pattern.

 

All of my exes were depressed/suicidal or said they felt they had an "empty void." Nearly all of them lacked or were deficient when it came to empathy or consideration of others' feelings. And all seemed to be compulsive/addictive in some way even if they didn't smoke/drink/do drugs. I tend to like younger guys and/or guys who don't have their lives together and still live at home. They tend to seem innocent, look younger than they really are, clean cut, and be procrastinators/irresponsible, but sorta "Peter Pan" boyishly charming.

 

What's weird is that the only thing I knew about these guys from the beginning is that they were sorta "homebody" types. Each considered himself shy, didn't date much (except my last bf, but even he only had sex with 4 women), and were kinda nerdy or geeky...didn't follow the latest trends (which I liked). But the men's personalities were all quite different. 2 of the guys were sci-fi geeks (one Pentecostal, one athiest), one was a football playing gangsta (Wiccan), and one was a country church boy (Baptist). Their looks ranged from dog ugly to GQ with the last two really cute, but in an adorable/boyish, charming way.

 

I think I choose guys that are passive, want the woman to be in control, and get tired of me because I am also passive. They tend to have a history of abuse either in their family or relationships and they have identity problems (not knowing who they are). I think I like these guys because they seem like they can be changed. They aren't so settled that they already have things all figured out. Since their identities are weak, they are more willing to go along with what I want. Also, they are still able to be changed...aren't set in their ways. I know that sounds awful, but I think it's true.

[stay_positive]

I always go for a military guy. It's kinda a requirement for me because they understand what I'm going through since I'm also military. I don't really have a pattern though because my ex-fiance' and ex-boyfriend are nothing alike. I mean, every guy I date likes video games, but that's about it. I can't find a "type"

[Solo Pilot]

I don't know if a guy was invited to this conversation but here goes....

 

I know definitely have a certain pattern girl I like. I guess that's normal though. Not sure what makes us attracted to a certain type. Maybe something to do with watching our parents or friends or something else.

 

I think my type are the ones who are independent and strong. Like not strong muscular (yuck), but about to handle things on their own and not have to run to a guy always to solve their problems. I think men in general have this mentality of wanting to be able to rescue their "damsels in distress". Like a knight in shining armor from the fairy tale books heh. Anyways I always seems to date the shy ones that wear glasses. I'm a sucker for the geek\needy type. Maybe cuz I'm one too lol. I wonder if there are any more of this type out there. hmmmmm

[newwave]

I like nerdy types who tend to have dark hair. They tend to be somewhat submissive (I mean not chauvinist) and have no kids.

[dragon lady]

The last 3 have...

- been skinny

- been raised entirely by women

- grown up in very religious families and ended up rejecting their beliefs after years of conflict

- been profoundly intelligent

- expressed that they wanted marriage relatively early in the relationship

[Miss Firecracker]

I have dated many men, and all types I think.

 

There is one thing that they all had in common. They were all very firm and would not be controlled by me. Not a one of them seemed to "need" me. They have all been very outgoing.

 

I may have dated other types once or twice, but all the serious ones were outgoing, loved to lead.

[tinsch]

I tend to go for the ones that cause the most pain. They have psychological issues, family issues, or other issues that are beyond me. I can't necessarily explain why, but I do. I tried dating a few different girls with great backgrounds, studious, and very logical and respectful like myself, but I get very, very bored. They always seem to worry if I will think they are "dumb" or "lame." They can't be themselves. For some reason, the psychological issue girls tend to be themselves more. Maybe that's what I like about them..

[myonlymotive]

I'm not sure about my type- they've really been all over the place- but all of them have had an appreciation for music, been relatively confident and independent. I'm more definite on what I DON'T like- clingy guys, submissive guys and ones that aren't motivated or going anywhere in life. I hate that more than anything else in somebody I'm with

[lostnscared]

So far they've been:

 

Tall and thin

Mixed(one was mexican and italian the last one was black and puerto-rican)

Very religious

Involved in a somewhat criminal lifestyle as a youth but now reformed

dabbled in drugs but no longer does

Grew up in a bad area(inner city, projects, etc)

Fighters and very aggressive and confrontational

sensitive and passionate

seeking peace