She says no to dating, but likes me...so what do we do?

[Curious_Girl]

Just be careful of your heart, that's all. I think you are a sensitive guy (no, it's not code for "wimp"!), and you could get hurt easily if this blows up b/c she's not really ready. But maybe I am just being too pessimistic! Hope things continue to go well.

[Curious_Girl]

Hey, I've known her over a month and she hasn't cursed me out or yelled at me for no good reason...that's a good sign (sarcasm, of course)

 

 

You know, I realized something a few days ago: I've been using my marriage (I'm divorced) as a standard for future relationships, in the sense that I thought, "Well, this would be better than my marriage." But I just realized that better than bad is not great! It could be just sorta okay, which is really not good enough.

 

I know you are just joking here, but it made me think of that.

[Seymore]

Just be careful of your heart, that's all. I think you are a sensitive guy (no, it's not code for "wimp"!), and you could get hurt easily if this blows up b/c she's not really ready. But maybe I am just being too pessimistic! Hope things continue to go well.

 

No, you're trying to keep me grounded, and I appreciate that. I do have a tendency to let my heart jump in, instead of testing the water.

[oldenoughtoknow]

Good luck, Seymore! It sounds like you've been playing it well. It also sounds like, while she may be "over" her ex, she's not emotionally ready to jump into another relationship. You said you're having a great time with her. Why not just continue with that for now? Take it for what it is. She probably just needs a bit more time to heal. This may or may not develop into anything more, and you should definitely use this opportunity to date other people in the mean time.

 

This could become a turning point in your dating life. When you have someone you're casually dating (by her own request), it will give you more confidence to approach other women. If you get rejected, it's not such a big deal. When you have options, your mindset will change. You will stop over-analyzing prospective dates and building up your anxiety level. You will start looking at potential relationship partners as how they fit what you want, rather then how interested they are in you.

 

And no, this isn't a PUA stance, or even an anti-"nice guy" stance. Having choices opens your eyes. It allows you to make more sound choices, and your next relationship will benefit greatly from it, be it with this woman, or someone you have yet to meet.

[Seymore]

Thanks rich. Like I said, I'm not actively looking, she actually came to me, but if another come along I definitely wouldn't rule the new girl out. I do take this as an option. While we do click really well, there are other girls I can click well with too, so I'm not just going to toss my whole heart into this one girl who isn't ready anyway, but she really is something. I was down the other day and she knew just how to make my day, and I did the same for her a few days earlier. It just feels really good. But again, she's currently an option.

[Clarity]

Don't tell me that you talked on the phone with her longer than it would have taken to watch the movie with her

[Seymore]

Good catch, and I did think that later. I was dead tired before I called her, but all the laughing kept me awake. And to be honest, being alone at her place might not have been the best thing since she wants to move slow. I had to have some restraint. Sunday we might do he movie thing, but if we do and anything happens, a talk will be in order about her wanting to take it slow, because I don't want to be hanging in limbo. Tomorrow we're riding to the company picnic together and I'm gonna help her fill some water balloons for the party games.