Building a vision for a future bf/gf.

[waveseer]

I just thought of this exercise in setting intentions for what attributes we'd like in a future bf/gf. Here are the particulars:

 

1. Use attributes only from people that you know.

2. List the things you like about them the most.

3. If you think of something you don't like about them then list the opposite.

 

In no particular order here is my list:

 

1. He smiles at me often.

2. He is sociable.

3. He uses his imagination for practical purposes and just for fun.

4. Whatever the current activity, he joins right in or offers to, whichever is more appropriate.

5. He is consistent between what he says and what he does.

6. He accepts me the way I am, and only tries to change himself.

7. He likes to have fun, try new things, act silly (goofy), and make merriment.

8. He likes to food shop, cook, and clean up together.

9. He takes good care of himself.

10. When he's unhappy he can talk about it and decide what to do about it and do it.

[Teaday]

I like this! I've tried to think about what qualities I'd like a guy to have, but I can never get past the general and fairly standard ones that tend to lose their meaning (i.e. smart, funny, nice). Considering people you actually admire (or absolutely don't admire) as inspiration makes alotta sense.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Your list sounds perfect to me!

[waveseer]

I like this! I've tried to think about what qualities I'd like a guy to have, but I can never get past the general and fairly standard ones that tend to lose their meaning (i.e. smart, funny, nice). Considering people you actually admire (or absolutely don't admire) as inspiration makes alotta sense.

 

I've tried listing the virtues, but figuring out if someone has them has proven a bit challenging to me. Loving and having to depend on people with serious issues growing up can really confuse one's character evaluation skills. So my new idea was to be very specific.

 

Your list sounds perfect to me!

 

Cad, not only does this man exist, but there are so many men like this that there must be one out there for me and for you!

[caveman91]

List:

1.) Partner. says "God bless you" when I sneeze.

End of List.

 

No wait a minute...that is not my list. That's Bridget Fonda's list from the early 90's movie "Singles". Sorry, just trying to add a little humor.

 

Seriously, though your list is pretty good. Not sure if you are prioritizing but I would bump up your #6 "only wants to change/improvement himself/herself and doesn't try to change me" to #1.

[caveman91]

Oops, you specifically said no particular order. My bad.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I've tried listing the virtues, but figuring out if someone has them has proven a bit challenging to me. Loving and having to depend on people with serious issues growing up can really confuse one's character evaluation skills. So my new idea was to be very specific.

 

 

 

Cad, not only does this man exist, but there are so many men like this that there must be one out there for me and for you!

 

They seem to be hiding because I have never met any man like this up until now.

[caveman91]

Trying add a little comic relief here. Saw a funny bit by a comedian on Comedy Central the other day. The comedian had a detailed list like this post. Her bit was about how the Twilight Movie Sage has recently modified her list.

 

She said "yeah you're smart, confident, caring, you can cook well, you like to clean, you compliment me regularly, you are practically perfect in every way....but do you have skin that looks like diamonds? No. See yeah."

[Batya33]

That is a good idea and I like how specific it is! How about now making a list of the most likely places you would meet people with those attributes?

[waveseer]

They seem to be hiding because I have never met any man like this up until now.

 

I meet them everywhere, but my limiting factor at this stage of life is time to get to know them better. Because I am unsure of my ability to follow through I often don't send the right signals, and then kick myself later (which from reading here is a common theme). As I said to a friend of mine, I am getting ready to commence to begin putting in a better effort at being more friendly and open.

[waveseer]

List:

1.) Partner. says "God bless you" when I sneeze.

End of List.

 

No wait a minute...that is not my list. That's Bridget Fonda's list from the early 90's movie "Singles". Sorry, just trying to add a little humor.

 

Seriously, though your list is pretty good. Not sure if you are prioritizing but I would bump up your #6 "only wants to change/improvement himself/herself and doesn't try to change me" to #1.

 

Trying add a little comic relief here. Saw a funny bit by a comedian on Comedy Central the other day. The comedian had a detailed list like this post. Her bit was about how the Twilight Movie Sage has recently modified her list.

 

She said "yeah you're smart, confident, caring, you can cook well, you like to clean, you compliment me regularly, you are practically perfect in every way....but do you have skin that looks like diamonds? No. See yeah."

 

Funny, and an ability to appreciate (and maybe even generate) humor is also important to me. He doesn't even have to laugh at my jokes as long as he doesn't give me that "you just made a horrible joke" look. lol

[waveseer]

That is a good idea and I like how specific it is! How about now making a list of the most likely places you would meet people with those attributes?

 

You can meet them anywhere there are people, it's been going on like that for thousands of years. The trick is to stop and take an interest clearly enough for them to notice.

[Batya33]

You can meet them anywhere there are people, it's been going on like that for thousands of years. The trick is to stop and take an interest clearly enough for them to notice.

 

Actually I disagree because of the society we live in it's not so easy to meet someone for a serious relationship leading to marriage if you're not in an environment with a large number of other single people in your general age group. During college or grad school, or high school, sure, or if you're having your marriage arranged, etc. There are people everywhere but typically it's inappropriate and potentially dangerous to approach random strangers on the street and chat them up, find out if they are single/available, etc. - it can happen like that but it is very unusual.

 

Your approach as a starting point makes a lot of sense but without taking the next step and focusing on where you would meet these likeminded people I don't see the point of the exercise and, indeed, it might be counterproductive to focus on what is essentially an insular/inner activity when meeting people requires being out there and mingling/interacting.