I just got a marriage proposal

[diamond78]

This is the most ridiculous thing I've heard in a long time. You met him TWO weeks ago and you're actually considering this supposed marriage proposal? Wake up, for the love of god.

 

Took the words right out of my mouth. You can't be seriously considering this? You don't know him. You should be running for the hills, not giving this some actual thought.

[15 Storeys High]

That is my opinion......That it's ridiculous to give this supposed proposal any thought whatsoever.

[abitbroken]

To answer your question, bigamy was prohibited by the Supreme Court in 1878 and in the Supreme Court case Reynolds v US the following year, they ruled that prohibiting bigamy did not interfere with religious freedom. So in short, it is not allowed anywhere in the US. Of course, if a guy is married and then moves to another state without divorcing and marries a second woman and she has no idea he is married, she is not in trouble, but her marriage is null in void. He is typically charged. But then that is a case of fraud on his part. If someone deliberately enters into polygamy, the 2nd marriage is null and void.

 

Also, many states have right on the docket that marriage is between 2, not 3 or 4, or one woman and one man, not one man and 2 women. So there is a secondary defense.

 

It is also illegal in Canada

 

yes, we met 2 weeks ago. The one I have been having trouble with.

 

I think the big issue is that you do not really know this guy. For all you know, he could have a wife somewhere. He is infatuated with you, and because he slept with you, I think that this is a fantasy of his that he gets off on versus that he is a traditional Muslim that believes he should have more than one wife - though there are double standards for women and men, of course.

 

I would really back off from this guy a bit and either pay attention to the warning signs that he is crossing boundary lines right off the bat and like others have said - run for the hills...that was my first thought but I was trying to be respectful if this followed your beliefs. or if you insist take things very slow and really get to know eachother one day at a time. But if your ideals are not the same, then you just aren't compatible. And i do think if you sleep with someone early, you get attached.

 

it is okay to feel flattered by his proposal - that's fine. You have a story to tell. But keep your eyes open here

[Lovelace]

You could totally turn this around, tell him that you're totally cool with it. That you're really a lesbian, and want a lesbian life partner, but that you're cool with you and your lesbian lover marrying the guy for financial support. But that you really don't think he should be infringing upon you and your girlfriend's time. He can watch and all, but he just has to stay 10 feet away at all times.

 

That should clear his fantasy right up.

[moonsparkle]

is this just hypothetical?...or is he actually asking you?

[FathomFear]

It sounds like you might not be thinking rationally. You should have respect for yourself and what you can achieve. You don't need to settle for some sort of relationship of convenience without love.

[Sparkly Eyes]

What kind of opinion are you looking for? I think you are losing your mind even if you are thinking about it. Are you really that desperate?

 

Let me tell you something, desperation is NEVER a good thing and it never leads us to anywhere good. Time to wake up and ditch this guy, that is my opinion.

[ayekasong]

Putting all moral/legal/religious reasons aside here, I don't see a lot of benefit in this arrangement for you.

 

Sure, you will be provided for. Having someone take care of you is a great benefit.

 

But you won't be in the same household as him. So, supposing you have kids, he likely won't help out a lot. Would you be okay with doing a majority of the work? Would you be okay with explaining this situation to your children?

 

Would you be okay with not living with him? As someone who was in a long term long-distance relationship, I know that it can be very hard to maintain a strong relationship with someone when you don't see each other often (and I can't imagine that it would be easier if that someone was living with another spouse).

 

You don't have to love him - okay. But are you okay with being married to a man you don't love? What about having kids with a man a you don't love? What happens if you do fall in love with someone else? What happens if your husband, who you don't love, comes around demanding sex simply because you are his wife?

 

Is he financially well off enough to provide for two wives? Two families? What happens if the other woman is very high maintenance and drains a great deal of his money?

 

I personally think that if you were to accept this arrangement, you'd really be settling, and setting yourself up for some major drama. It sounds to me like he is trying to set up a fantasy life. You really deserve someone who loves you and is willing to devote himself to only you.

[coolgirl]

I understand what your saying and thank you. You are right. I am having doubts myself about this. And have my fair share of concerns as well. LIke I said I dont know this guy well enough and not knowing his intentions really are. So I am well aware of my surroundings. You dont mind if if PM you do you ? Let me know. Thanks.

[ayekasong]

Of course you can PM me.