Ex-gf may have given me an STD.

[tictac]

My ex-gf more than likely gave me herpes. What is sad about this is that she may not even know or wants to acknowledge that she has it. I am very certain that it is from her because I noticed some things when we were together. Unfortunately, because of my own fear and ignorance, I chose not to seek medical attention at the time. My question is how to I approach her and ask her to confirm this for me? How do I know that she won't turn this around and say I gave it to her? I guess I'm afraid of dealing with her telling her friends about this and making it look like I was the one who gave it to her.

 

Aside from that, how does one go about dating and lead an active social life? I feel so isolated and angry and alone. Is anyone here facing a similar situation? How do you deal with it? Can you lead a normal datingl life?

[kuhl282000]

Hello

 

I would suggest before you say anything to anyone you see a doctor first. It may be something else totally different, and the need to alarm anyone could back fire in your face. Whatever it is you would not want to spread it to anyone I'm sure. I understand your concerns,and this should not be taken lightly, please re consider seeing a doctor and getting some professional advice. What harm could it really do ? And it might save you from having tha tables turned on you.

 

Good luck

 

Kuhl

 

8) 8)

[moviestr]

I agree with kuhl--if you haven't seen a doctor by now, go ahead and see one. If it's left untreated it could cause you more problems; and sometimes when a person contracts a STD, they contract more than one. If you're afraid or embarrassed about seeing your doctor, you can go to a clinic like Planned Parenthood.

 

As for confronting your ex, after you have medical confirmation, you could approach her by saying you have something important to discuss. You are probably looking for closure by wanting her to admit that she gave it to you, but she may very well choose to deny having it. I wouldn't worry about her friends or what she will think about you. Just tell her so that if she chooses to, she can get tested herself. You have to realize that she might always deny having it or having given it to you.

 

Moving on might be the most challenging step in all of this. I have a friend who contracted an STD and she only told her closest friends and, of course, anyone she planned on getting involved with sexually. Having an STD is a stigma, and it's not very socially-accepted, but when you find the right person, they will be able to accept you for who you are. Just remember that it's important to tell your partner before sleeping with them, and to always wear a condom, since, if you have herpes you can pass it when you don't have any symptoms.

 

Don't feel alone! Believe it or not, contracting an STD is probably more common than you think--millions of Americans contract STDs every year. Even though you are hurt and angry, eventually you have to try to focus on moving on and accepting yourself. That's the only way other people will.

 

Good luck. If you want, you can p.m. me.

-moviestr

[QTpie87]

I would also suggest going to see a DR...i mean they are really the only one who can tell you what is wrong....

i mean it could be something totally diff. like a normal little rash that will leave with some meds...

i don't know though, the Dr. is the one you need to see.

[tictac]

Thanks for the responses. Just to clarify, I did see a doctor and was confirmed to have herpes. As far as from who, I'm very sure it was from my ex. Having a limited number of sexual partners and not having symptoms until I was with her leads me to believe that it was from her. She does (after all) get cold sores and at a time was getting chronic yeast infections. From my understanding, women will often mistake the symptoms for a yeast infection. Anyway, I'm worried that I'm going to face a roadblock or endure a battle with this. While I can't make her do anything, I thing the moral and human thing to do is to get tested.

 

The social stigma is the bad part and to deal with rejection is especially hard for someone who has a hard time dealing with rejection in the first place. I just think it is unfair because I've had so few partners and while I would have liked to have had more experiences, I feel like I am never going to have a good chance again. I feel like I'm dirty and that I'm just going to deal with so many rejections and heartaches that I can't handle.

 

I've been better since learning this and Ill have my down days (like today), but it is so hard wondering if I'll ever find that "one".

[lunatic]

BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING GO TO YOUR DOCTOR. That is the best advice that anyone can give at this point.

 

Hubman

[moviestr]

Even if she doesn't have it and you somehow contracted it another way, she should get tested, but it's her choice, and you're not going to be able to do anything about it. You're probably sure that you got it from her and you want the confirmation to gain some peace of mind, but you should understand that her getting tested is going to be for her benefit. . .you can't expend so much energy worrying about who you contracted it from or trying to blame someone else.

 

Of course it's unfair, but you'll be able to date again, and have sex, too. Just because you have an STD doesn't mean that you can't be intimate with someone again, it just means opening up to your partners, and always using protection. Right now, it may seem as though you hit a dead end road, but you'll have a future, don't worry. Another thing is that now you have the opportunity to take it slow and to really be able to get to know the person when you're dating someone new.

 

Everyone faces rejection, whether or not they're dealing with an STD, and, honestly, there are just some people that aren't going to want to deal with that, but it's their decision and you'll just have to learn to respect it. There will eventually be someone who is willing to date you and become intimate with you despite the STD. My best friend who had an STD had a very serious relationship that lasted years and was intimate with her partner after she told him about it.

 

Try not to focus on the negatives too much. . .I imagine it won't be easy all of the time, but things will get better.

[roo1oo]

How many outbreaks have you had? Not to get your hopes up, but herpes is actually quite hard to diagnose. Misdiagnoses are quite common, and docs can only say yes you have genital herpes after youve had more than one outbreak. Also, since it is a virus, you do build an immunity to it with time. thereforeeee your outbreaks become less frequent and less severe. I hope this is some positive news for you, just so you know that the future isnt completely bleak and lost.

 

You do, however, want to make sure to always use a condom. Like moviestr said, you can still pass on herpes even if you don't have symptoms. And you might want to look into the drug therapy such as you've seen on TV. Can't remember what its called.

 

As for your ex, well I'd doubt she'd go around telling her friends that she has herpes, no matter who she got it from. I'm sure she'd be as embarrased about it as you are. So I wouldn't worry about her reaction so much.

 

Good luck

[tictac]

I apparently haven't had any symptoms recently, but the blood test for both herpes types confirmed it. I do recall when I was with my ex a few years ago, I did have a cluster of blisters and as I said earlier, the fear of knowing what it was and being ignorant was what didn't allow me to seek medical attention.

 

I'm aware of the risk of transmission to other partners - even when there are no symptoms present (aka Asymptomatic Viral Shedding). True, the outbreaks become less frequent and less severe over time, but it still doesn't help knowing that it is with you forever.

 

I talked to my ex about it and she was in shock - almost to the point of tears. I suggested that she get tested and she was very cooperative. It has to be her. I mean to be together that long and to not get it would be remarkable. Plus, to have gotten it from someone else and to have skipped my ex would be another low percentage shot.

 

In any case, this has certainly altered my life and put things into a whole new light. I'll try to be positive about it though it is really hard to do so.

 

Thanks again to all who responded and please share some more insight.

[RagingBull]

Herpes is extremely common. Estimates of 1/5 people in the United States have it, although I don't know where you're from. It is easily spread even if a condom is used. It can even be spread through kissing.

 

I understand that if I sleep around enough I'll eventually catch the disease. It's just a part of life.

 

I don't see the point of blaming your ex. Many people don't even know they have it. If I decided to have sex with someone, I run the risk of contracting an STD. I also run the risk of transmitting an STD to my partner. I get tested so I'm aware of my sexual health.

 

Good luck.