It does get better :)

[EQIQ]

Hey, just a quick post to cheer people up

 

The first month after your break-up might seem hellish, and like you might forever want that person back etc. But hang in there, if you have decided that it ain't worth it for logical reasons, overtime your heart will catch up with your brain. "Fake it till you make it!"

 

After a few months, if you have been doing what you are supposed to in order to heal (I.E. You grieved your loss, thought about it and learned from your mistakes, went NC or minimized contact as much as possible and set out to keep a busy lifestyle), IF you have been doing those things after a few months you should start feeling better and much less attached. However don't feel discouraged if you take longer or whatever. We have all been in different relationships, we are all different people and logically we will go through different feelings and different time scales. Just keep at it.

 

I am over 7 months out here and no intents on going back. It was never a good idea to begin with, and am glad to see it clearly now.

 

Recently I have started talking to a girl I know for about 3 years and we are working towards a relationship. Had been quite a while since I felt that "weird/funny" happy feelings we feel when the process of liking someone, etc, takes place It's so nice to observe that smile from someone that you can appreciate that the person is happy to see you, and spend time with you. I really missed that.

 

Hang in there, do what you gotta do, because it does get better You never know when you might meet that special someone, and if you are too busy relishing on a person that is not worth it, you will be throwing away a good opportunity. So work towards healing, it does pay off.

 

 

[Captain_76]

Hei! Very nice writing and perfectly sums up my feelings after my break-up! No regrets, lots of new emotions and I feel again 100% alive. You decide break-up for a reason, so stick to it and give yourself what you deserve!

[peanutbutterandjelly]

this is so great to read, EQ! We both joined up here in october or last year, and your one of the only people who still is posting fairly regularly. I'm a little bit behind you, but like you said, we all heal at different paces and I know I'm going forward so that's all that matters. So glad to hear there is another girl in your life. That's great! Wish you the best!

[In the Dark]

It does get better, depending on what is on offer as well.

 

Some of us get our hearts broken, but with someone there to take the place of the one who broke it.

Not necessarily loving that person but knowing that there is someone else who is willing to think about you in the way your ex once did.

 

But we all have to be careful not to use the person who wants to be there for us to pick us up until we find someone worthy because if we have any conscience we will not do such a thing.

 

To hurt one who wanted like you did, to make feel the same as you did, so you get better.

 

Unfortunately someone of us do not get that comfort and stay dwelling in misery as you end up hearing they have moved on without a though of you in their minds.

Smiling laughing and loving someone else while you are there with fresh wounds still healing.

 

For most of us, there is always someone other there who would consider us a potential love even though our hearts have been shattered and the thought of true love is lost.

[BriarRose]

]It does get better, depending on what is on offer as well.

 

Some of us get our hearts broken, but with someone there to take the place of the one who broke it.

Not necessarily loving that person but knowing that there is someone else who is willing to think about you in the way your ex once did.

 

Exactly. It's easy to say things will get better when you are currently involved with someone. It's much harder when there is no one in your life . But like IND says, for most of us, there is usually someone out there for us, so it's still a good thread

[QuirkyCute]

Is it really that bad for some folks to be alone? I will admit that my thinking is not like the majority opinion if there are many people who feel that way. Yes, after being in a relationship, the thought of being alone is scary....but ONLY if you don't really know who you are, or how to be alone (again, my opinion). I was scared to be alone after by ex broke up with me, but that was because I didn't really know myself anymore. I lost myself in that relationship. I'm working to know myself as I am now, and to keep knowing myself so that I'm not lost if the day comes where I am broken up with again.

 

Things will get better, and I can say that without having been with someone else, and without having received any offers. The reality of being broken up with, is that it hurts worse than most things. Grabbing onto whoever you can to help "replace" the one you lost is.....a big step in the wrong direction, in my opinion. Also, feeling like that's something that you need, or something that will help you, is a way to deflect your own issues with being alone. I understand that some of us enjoy being in a relationship. I do too, and I'm looking forward to the next one. However, I don't NEED to be in a relationship to move on, and I don't think that being in one would help me to move on either. Would it distract me? In all likelihood, yes. Is that what's best for me, personally? That's a big NO. For me, after a relationship ends, enjoying my own company, and all that my own company entails, is a requirement.

 

Again, this is all just my opinion, and I didn't mean to offend anyone if I did.

[ElleB]

This is exactly how I feel. I kind of feel like I'm going through it head on. I think it hurts more, there are no distractions, no-one to receive compliments from, no-one to hide in when things are tough in a romantic sense.. but I feel for me, this is what I need to do. I need to learn how to stand on my own two feet. I need to feel good about myself from within and not by a man's standards.

I totally understand why people find rebounds etc, but I have done that in the past and it's not helped them or me. This is it. This is the tough lesson and I think only by really facing the issue of moving on by myself can I learn it thoroughly.

I literally feel like I am powering through each day, learning what I can, being forced to be ok in my own company. Once that self love is there, then there shouldn't (in theory) be any fear of being alone in my next relationship and HOPEFULLY I will be able to remain independent and not revert to neediness and clinginess. I need to keep going. It is so hard but I hope I will be able to provide an example here on ENA when months have passed and I am stronger and happier after having my heart broken into smithereens.

[BriarRose]

No offense taken. But you've only been single since February. For people that have been alone for years, or even months, it gets tiresome. And lonely. And it does not mean you don't know "who you are" just because you want to share your life with someone instead of spending it alone.

[EQIQ]

Hey, by the way I was actually feeling quite good about myself, and happy even before this girl came into the picture. I think it is more about keeping active and making an effort to not go back, and not dwindle in the past. She is just the icing on the cake at the moment Heck maybe it will crash and burn, but feeling like I am able to let go completely, and be able to open myself up to someone else kinda shows me how far I have come.

 

Personally I found that exercising and sports helped me quite a bit. Getting to a point where you feel good even if you are by yourself is a good stepping stone to get into a healthy relationship, imo. At least that is what I have learned from what I have read not only here on ENA, but other places as well.

 

Being single a while (November - July) at least for me was a good thing, allowed me to learn from what happened, see mistakes I made, things that I need to keep an eye out for in the future, both in myself and future partner.

 

Anyway, I don't claim to know anything... just that when you are at the bottom, it only gets better. So it does get better, rest assured of it. If you want it to get better, you can make it so, because we have control over who we love, what we want, etc. Just takes effort, and time, sometimes a lot of time...

[In the Dark]

For some people, they can cope but....the chances are they would rather have that comfort they had from their ex from someone else (the next best thing)

 

People have been out of a relationship remember those good feelings and those good feelings are missed.

After a while it gets worse when they don't get what they believe is a comfort they are entitled to.

 

Just like some people with cellphones.

When they are without it they are not complete.

[sunday2010]

For some people, they can cope but....the chances are they would rather have that comfort they had from their ex from someone else (the next best thing)

 

People have been out of a relationship remember those good feelings and those good feelings are missed.

After a while it gets worse when they don't get what they believe is a comfort they are entitled to.

 

Just like some people with cellphones.

When they are without it they are not complete.

 

Know how you feel..two montsh fo total despair now for me and I just feel liek I have no hope.I want to find somebody in my life I don't deserve what happeend to me.

[In the Dark]

Thats how I used to be Sunday2010

 

Random situations and chance helped me get out of that unloved and not worthy of such love from another feeling.

 

I'm just being realistic about the likely hood of feeling fully recovered on your own without even the smallest bit of someone showing that they would take your ex's place even if you may not want them.

[QuirkyCute]

No offense taken. But you've only been single since February. For people that have been alone for years, or even months, it gets tiresome. And lonely. And it does not mean you don't know "who you are" just because you want to share your life with someone instead of spending it alone.

 

I have only been single since February in THIS relationship. I was single for years before this one, so don't assume I don't know what it's like to have been alone for years. I do know.

 

I never said that you don't know who you are "just because you want to share your life with someone instead of spending it alone."I feel like that's twisting my words, because I was sure to point out that I would like to be in a relationship again someday. If I was not clear, however, I apologize. What I am saying is, nobody needs to be in a relationship in order to completely get over the last one, and it is completely possible to get over someone (and discuss how much better "it" gets) without being in a new relationship, and without having prospects. I am speaking from personal experience.

 

Everyone is different, and if it would be more comfortable for some to get into a new relationship immediately after one ends, do what makes you feel good. It is not a necessity. Like I said, if one feels that one cannot get over a past love without a new one, perhaps it is a fear of being alone, and not knowing ones self.

[QuirkyCute]

This is what I am getting at. After past relationships ended, it didn't make it any easier on me knowing that there were guys that found me attractive and would have dated me. They weren't the ex, so.....what was the point in me even going there? I don't like to rush into another relationship, or seek the romantic connection with someone....because immediately after a relationship ends, what I want is to be with the ex. Since I can't be with the ex, and I don't want anyone else, that just leaves me. And, if I'm scared to be with me to the point that I would rather not, then.......that doesn't sound so good for me. If you are forced into being alone, with no signs of the ex, and no prospects, that's the perfect time to learn more about that relationship, yourself, and what you want in another one. It also forces you to get on with things WITH YOURSELF. If you can be comfortable with yourself, you will never feel like you NEED the comfort of another person again. You can desire someone else's romantic company, want it everyday, but not NEED it, because you will KNOW that you will be just fine WITHOUT it. That's a big deal to me.

[hurt2healthy]

It does get better with time. My Ex jumped into a relationship 2 week down the break up. Where as its been 6 months and I have taken enough time to clear my head and do a lot of soul searching.

 

At this point its more rational than emotional. I've learned a lot and it has helped me align my priorities. I know what I am looking for in a relationship now since my last one was lacking self sustaining factors.

 

So friends, grief is an excellent teacher. Let it do its job instead of you seeking a rebound to fill the void.

 

Cheers

 

--H2H

[sunday2010]

It does get better with time. My Ex jumped into a relationship 2 week down the break up. Where as its been 6 months and I have taken enough time to clear my head and do a lot of soul searching.

 

At this point its more rational than emotional. I've learned a lot and it has helped me align my priorities. I know what I am looking for in a relationship now since my last one was lacking self sustaining factors.

 

So friends, grief is an excellent teacher. Let it do its job instead of you seeking a rebound to fill the void.

 

Cheers

 

 

 

-H2H

 

so what constitutes a rebound??? days or weeks.my ex was dating at5 weeks etc or hooked up with somebody, thats not a rebound is it???? or is it????

[hurt2healthy]

I think when you attain a state where you do very minimal comparison between your Ex and Current Date is when it will least qualify for a rebound. Minimal is the keyword here, since there is be some comparison no matter what

 

Once you start seeing your current date for the qualities and characteristics they have to offer instead of comparing them with your Ex is the time you won't be rebounding.

 

Can't really specify the time to attain this level. It can be months but not few weeks for sure. 4-5 weeks is certainly has traits of a rebound. If your Ex hooked up with someone so soon then she is someone who hates to be lonely and needs someone by her side. Doesn't matter if its you or someone else.

 

Its just my opinion, I am open to other dialogues.