ex-boyfriend trouble...what do I do?

[oneboardus]

Ok, I have posted my issues with my b/f or ex-b/f here before, so I will continue from my last post. My b/f and I broke up over one month ago, but we still continued to have sex and hang out all the time. Why did we break up you ask??? Well, he said he wasn't in love with me anymore and he had a little thing going on with his ex-girlfriend and I found out about it. So, trust was broken and his love for me was gone. Anyhow, we started out as friends so we still go surf, hangout on weekends and he even comes to my place once a week. We also talk on the phone everynight. My question is...I am feeling like even though we are not togehter he still wants to know everything that I am doing. I love him very much but since the trust was broken and he fell out of love with me...what am I waiting for??? I have tried to date other guys but I end up pushing them away and I keep thinking my ex will love me the way he used to. I am afraid that if I get involved with someone else I will ruin the chance that he might fall in love with me again. How long is too long? We haven't said "I love you" on the phone since we broke up. We don't hold hands in public or even act loving in public. We just act like best friends. It confuses my family and friends and it confuses me. I don't want him to date anyone else. Yet, I hope he makes up his mind because I feel like I am wasting my time with him. I asked him about 2 weeks ago how much longer we were going to sleep together with no commitment and he says he doesn't know and that I think too much... he says I need to sit back and let whatever happens...happen. I told him I wanted to be with someone who loved me back, and he said why would I spend every weekend with you and call you every night if I didn't. This confused me even more. So, I told him we would have to stop having sex and he said now that he signed the house over to me I have decided to quit having sex with him. He made it sound like I was waiting till he got his name offv the house before I looked for someone else. But, the truth is I love him and if he doesn't love me enough to be my boyfriend again then what the heck am I doing??? When I bring it up he changes the subject. It's like he doesn't want me to be with someone else but he isn't in love with me so why won't he let me go? Any advice on this would be good.

Thanks,

 

[Wildncrazzy4u172]

This is a very difficult situation. I believe that this guy still loves you, but not in a way that he wants to be your boyfriend. Its only normal for him to be.. I guess what we would call jealous. Maybe he hasn't got use to the whole fact that youre no longer his. You shouldn't have to wait around for him.. or any other guy for that matter. I know its hard to forget about someone who you have had such feelings for and cared about more than anything. My advice to you is to not have sex with him anymore. I understand that you push guys away and you think that maybe one day this guy will love you again. We all think that after we break up with someone. Be strong. I know in your heart you know whats right, and Having sex with him, isn't it. If you think about it when youre having sex with him and theres no commitment , youre letting him know thats okay, and that he doesn't have to be with you to have sex with you, and thats not the impression you want to make. Instead of hanging out with him all the time, and talking to him everynight, maybe you should go out and do things with your friends. Do as much as you can to keep your mind on anything but him. Things might not work out between y'all, no matter how much you might want them to. We've all been there. You have to be prepared for the worst, but at the same time hope for the best. Go out with other guys. If this guy really loves you and wants you back, you dating other guys shouldn't interfer with that. Take one day at a time, and everything will fall into place as it should.

 

If you need anymore help my email is email removed

 

~Jenn

[oneboardus]

I know I have to be strong, but how do I bring it up to him? I mean the other night we were flirting about sex and now I am telling him no sex??? He also told me it wasn't just sex to him and that I need to let things happen. I told him in the beginning I was okay with this but that was more then a month ago. I am starting to feel like I am just someone to do something with until someone else comes along. He is coming over tonight maybe I will tell him that in order for me to quit having feelings for him I need time to myself. I will tell him that being together this way only makes me want a relationship and even though I said that isn't what I want it is if were going to be having sex. Does that sound good? But, I don't know if I want to be with him because he broke the trust. I guess if he asked me back right now I would still not trust him and that would be just as bad...ya know. If things aren't going to be better then why? I guess it is hard to stop the love making because I feel so loved when we are in bed together. When he is gone I feel so empty! Well, thanks for your input. We are supposed to go on a surfing trip together should I still go or cancel and spend time with my friends?

[archiale]

Sure, he has no problem with having sex because basically he can have his cake and eat it too! Sorry for the expression,but this is all I have heard since my break up with my ex-boyfriend. How do you bring it up, well make the decision that you are not going to be controlled by him anymore. If he did love you he would be with you in the way you want! Basically, he could be waiting till he finds someone to fill your void! I suggest you run quickly and tell him that you need time to decide whether or not you need him, truly! About going boarding with him, well, if you are tempted you know what will happen, so the question is are you going to let him run you over like this! Basically, absense makes the heart grow fonder, don't give him what he wants, find something, friends, etc to fill his void and eventually he will be begging to have you back or you will have found someone who truly loves you! Oh, all the stuff you said sounds great and i hope you follow through with it! If it is easier, don't let him come over!

[Trinity1607306450]

I'll bet it would make you feel so good to set a goal for yourself and to subsequently accomplish it. You are feeling so confused by this guy and he's manipulating you through guilt over sex .. I agree with the post that said to run from him! Make a decision to not have sex with him again ..

and stick to it! If you feel like you are missing him in an intimate way, then find ways to make yourself feel good .. think about it. I know what it's like to confuse love and sex .. and it is confusing! But learn to separate the two -- until you KNOW that it's love you're experiencing.

If this is the guy for you, he will respect your decision to not have sex.

If he continues to push, push back, girlfriend! Now grab your board and

go do what you do best! God bless.