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oneboardus

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  1. Hi Mandymay...I understand what ur saying...I actually walked in on my boyfirend at night in the livingroom getting ready to masturbate to porn... I was upset because I was sleeping and he left and went to the computer. I showed him that I was upset. He told me that he tried to put the moves on me but I fell asleep. But, then I asked myself why I was so upset and the answer was I was jealous...I wanted to be the girl that my man masturbated too...or did I? My boyfriend does a lot more then that for me so those girls that he is masturbating to is just that...."masturbation girls" Your the girl he loves and cares about! This is petty, and the sooner you see that the sooner you will develop a healthier relationship with your man. Hope this helped.
  2. Hey...JGolds29 I read your whole issue with your ex and I have to say this is a simple case of you being her SURE THING. I think she knows that you aren't going to move on. You are her fall back plan...that's why she calls you when things are "dry" for her. It's selfish but your letting her do it. I know you care for her but your letting her control your life. The more you talk about her to her firends or your friends the more control she has over you. It's good that you blocked her from your email, and phone but you have to cut her out of your conversations. What I mean by that is quit talking about her or listening to her talk about what she's doing. This is makes her feel special and important to you...and you obviously aren't so special to her so if you don't stop she will continue to use you when she needs you. Let it go. Better yourself and don't look for someone...because when the time is right that someone will find you! Have fun...you sound young and your only young once. Hope this helped you...it may not be what you wanted to hear but that's how I see the situation. Try to have a great rest of your week!
  3. for your advice. I think I need to stick to what I want and hopefully everything will work out. I was married to my son's dad for five years and then I was engaged after that for about 1 year. So, my track record is not so good and I think that's why I am so sure of my decision. My bf doesn't like being told NO...he's a sales man so when someone tells him NO he tries anyway he can to make it Yes...ya know? Anyway, thanks againg for the advice I think I will take you up on it and stand my ground.
  4. I have been with my bf now for 1 1/2 years and we have had some great times but heres the thing...I am 29 years old and have a 10 year old son, he is 23 years old and has no children. When I met him we were both just getting out of relationships and I didn't want to get into something serious. We talked on the phone for hours at a time and things just started to grow. We now live together and have for about 5 months. He has already graduated college and has a great career going, so he wants to buy a house. I want to buy a house as well but not until I am married. This upsets him because I had owned a house previously with my ex boyfriend who later became my fiance. My bf says that just because my ex screwed me over doesn't mean he is going to and that I should give him a chance. My point is that I have a son and I don't want to buy property with someone who isn't quite committed to me. Am I wrong in thinking this? I'm not telling him to marry me...I just don't want to own property with someone I am involved with unless I am married. Plus, he is still young and I am approaching 30 so my wants are different then his...Was it a mistake to have him move in? I told him to buy his own house without me but he wasn't going for it. I love him very much but the reality is that he's young and not ready for a committment and I am ready for a committment...not now but in the near future. He has told me he isn't ready for marriage and that it scares him. Am I wasting my time? We have a lot of fun together...he treats my son wonderful and my son absolutely adores him. I guess my real question is should I care that we aren't married to buy a house? Just need advice I guess
  5. My bf's cousin is always snuggling up to my bf. When me and my boyfriend went to the beach I came back from the bathroom to see her laying on his stomach while he was laying on his back. Then this weekend my bf and I were sitting on the couch together and she took her pillow and laid on his lap while I was sitting next to him. She's also always showing him her belly ring and adjusting her bra and stuff while she is laying on him. It makes me feel uncomfortable so I finally took him aside and told him. He was very upset by my comment and didn't take it very well. She is almost 18 and it seems that she is too old to be acting this way but that is my opinion. What do you think? Am I acting irrational or stupid or is this just as unusual to everyone else?? I need to know if I am out of line by telling him it makes me feel uncomfortable. Thanks for your advice in advance!
  6. No I am not still seeing him. I haven't talked to him for that exact reason. Thanks for your advice. I am not angry at him for not loving me, but I can't believe he would drag it out this long until I ended it..ya know??? Men I just don't understand why they can't comunicate! I do miss his friendship already but I am detirmined to stay strong and not answer the phone if he calls at least until I know I am over him.
  7. Hello, I have been on this non-stop journey with my b/f. I have been on here before asking for advice and once more I would like to know what you all think My b/f and I just moved back in together after living apart for 6 months. He lived with me before, but I kicked him out for being dishonest with me and telling me he didn't love me anymore the way he used too. Well, once he moved out the first time everything started go back to the way things were between us. We had sex regularly, he was respectful of my feelings and cared about me. The magic seemed to be coming back into our relationship. So, I was a little aprehensive when he wanted to move back in with me. But, I thought I would give it another chance. Once we moved in together he totally changed. I mean we would get along like friends but there was no affection. He never kissed me or touch me. Whenever I tried to hold him or be by him he would pull away. I had many conversations with him but he would always say "I don't know". I got so frusterated, because he never wanted to have sex, or please me at all. When I tried to ask him if he was still attracted to me he would say yes, but when I asked if he was in love with me he would say he didn't know. Finally after a lot of talking he said he wasn't in love with me but he loved me. I thanked him for telling me the truth and told him that maybe we he would fall in love with in time. Now, I realize what stupid thing I said, because I ended up being miserable each day, knowing that he didn't feel for me the same way I felt for him. It had been about three weeks since we had had sex and I was a little concerned. Also, everytime we had sex it I would go down on him and then we would do it. I felt like a hooker because he would never kiss me or love me during it. I told him this earlier this week and while I was talking to him about my feelings he fell asleep on me. The next day at work I decided I didn't want him to live with me and my son anymore because I really didn't know where this relationship was going and I was very unsatisifed. So I called him and told him I wanted him out and he said "Okay", and that is the last I have heard from him in four days. Did I do the right thing? or was I the selfish one? He hasn't tried to call me except once on my voice mail to tell me when he was going to get the rest of his stuff. He also took all the pictures of me and him out of my frames on the walls. I don't know if that is head games or not. I am on the 4th day of the 10 day breakup process and I hit my first weak point last night, but I fought it by going to bed. Today I feel good. Why do you thing he was acting this way? Does he have commitment issues?? I mean this all took place after he moved in with me...soon after. I never said I needed or wanted a commitment from him, but what do you think? Thanks for your advice.
  8. I have posted before about my boyfriend and his phone relationship with his ex-girlfriend. Well, we have been back together for six months and I am having that feeling again that he is talking to her. Last time I found out by actually calling her. She told me everything I needed to know to break up with him. I gave the relationship another chance but I am starting to see the same signs I saw before??? Should I call her again? I mean I know I gave him a second chance but if she says they are talking again at least I can move on with my life. Right now, he just denies everything, he did that before and when I decided to get the nerve up to call his ex I found out he lied about everything! I guess my question is...If I am having those gut feelings again should I call her again to see if they are talking? Thanks for your help...my gut feelings are eating away at me...
  9. My b/f and I went to a wedding with his friends, they all smoke pot and drink, but my b/f doesn't. Well, I went off with his friends and smoked a little with them. I knew my b/f would get mad so I didn't tell him and when he asked me I lied and said I didn't . Then he asked his friends and they said I did. To make a long story short, I didn't lie to him to get away with it I lied to him because I knew he would throw a fit. I used to smoke all the time, but not because I had too just because it was there and it was fun. I stopped no problem for a couple years and now I only do it at party once in a while with old friends, (once or twice a year). The only thing I did wrong was lie about it. I do think I should be able to drink or smoke once in a while not all the time. My b/f doesn't drink hardly at all so when I drink he gets mad. He used to drink all the time and he said he actually had a problem because he would go to bars by himself and stuff. I have never done that and I wouldn't want to. My b/f has trust issues with me but I have been very faithful to him, I just am afraid of him judging me. Your man might feel the same way. But, since he has had DUI's in the past I think he needs to stop the drinking and driving. Have you ever offered to be the driver for him? Some guys like to go out with there friends and drink it up, it might help if you could be the designated driver sometimes. Anyway, I don't support drugs and drinking I just think that anything in moderation is okay, as long as it is done responsibly and doesn't hurt anyone else. Hope this gives you a different point of view! BTW I grew up around drugs and drinking so I don't want to be with someone who drinks and smokes all the time. But, I could deal if they did it once or twice a year and the rest of the time they were responsible.
  10. I can go out to dinner and only have one or two glasses of wine or I can go to a party and have five to six beers...it all depends with me. I do have to admit the idea that my boyfriend doesn't drink bothers me, because he used to when we first met. Now he doesn't but judges me when I do. I love him and if I have to stop drinking I will.
  11. This happened last Friday night... should I say sorry or should I just not let it happen again? I do feel bad about it I mean I packed my stuff and left him, then I came back and we made up...what do you think?
  12. My bf and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. We were very happy the first year and then he got recalled to active duty and was going to be gone for a year. We continued our relationship long distance for most of the year. But, two months before he was to come home he started acting funny on the phone. For example, he would end conversations and it felt to me like he always wanted to get off the phone. I had brought it up to him but he never really said anything. Also, he started to avoid and nice talk...like we would always joke sexually and stuff but he started to change the subject or say he had to go. Anyway, he came home and I thought he was still acting weird and kind of rude. He always gave me money to pay all the bills so when I came accross his phone bill I found that he spent the last two months talking to his ex girlfriend. It hurt me so bad that I had waited for him for a year and did this to me. So I got mad and called her on the phone. She told me he wanted her back and called her all the time even said he loved her everytime before he got off the phone with her. So, I broke up with him. We got separate checking accounts and put our house up for sale. The only problem was that I was still in love with him and we were still really good friends. The more I tired to hate him the more I couldn't (if that makes any sense). While we were broken up (3 months) we did everything together, and had sex. Anyway, to make a long story short, we got back together and have been back together over 3 months. Everything has been good, he treats me way better and is becoming the man I fell in love with again. The problem is whenever I drink we fight. I bring up the past and he gives me a hard time about drinking. See, he doesn't drink and I do only when we go to parties or hang out with friends. But, it seems as if I only bring up the past when I drink. It still bothers me that he was sneaky and lied to me. I know I have to get over it if I am going to move forward with him. Why do I do this? The next day I regret it because I feel that is why he when to his ex in the first place because I made him feel guilty for leaving me for a year even though it wasn't his fault. I don't drink a lot, when my feelings come out, just 2 or 3 drinks before I start hating him. But, when I am not drinking we get along great and I never bring up the past. He says I act different when I drink...do I or am I just more gutsy? Now, he never wants me to drink and I don't think it's the drinking I think it might be that I am not over it, like I thought I was. What do you think... btw I have posted my background before but this is just an update on our relationship. Thanks for all your help.
  13. I used to smoke all the time with my friends, but I fell in love with my boyfriend and he didn't want a girlfriend who smoked. I stopped for a longtime. But, just recently I took a hit off a bong of my boyfriends friends and that was it. I have never been against smoking pot, but it does have an effect on your brain. I say if your going to do it don't be a pot head. Do it only at parties or special occasions. Pot heads become stupid, lazy, or most of all not motivated in life. Pot tends to make the worst times in your life seem like no big deal. Pot enhances everything and before you know it you don't know how to have fun without it. I guess that is the only way it is addicting. When I stopped and I would go to a party I would feel like I couldn't have fun unless I was high. I say make sure you are smoking pot for the right reasons. What I mean by that is...if you get upset because you can't hook up or you are bored and decide to get high then you should probably stop for awhile. There are so many awsome concerts that I don't even remember because I was high at all of them. Sure at the time you are having a blast but when a couple years passes by, you look back and you don't even know where they went. I smoked for several years after highschool and what I remember of it I had a great time. Anyway, it might not be as bad as cigarettes in some ways but it is bad for your brain and that is also a very important part of our bodies. My advice is to smoke in moderation...no more then once a month.
  14. My bf cheated on me and told me he didn't love me like he used too so I told him he had to move out. We have been living apart for 5 months, but he calls me all the time and we are always together on the weekend. I am in the middle of trying to sell the house because it is his house too and he doesn't live there. Once I sell the house I am going to move into an apartment with my son that is closer to work and family. Right now I drive about 1 hour 10 min to and from work. My bf wants to live with me when I move. He says he loves me but I have a hard time believing him after he said he didn't love me 5 months ago. Am I wrong in doubting his love for me? Should I move back in with him? My son loves him like a second dad but what if my bf decides he doesn't love me anymore again... is that a risk I should take? My heart says move back in with him but my head says not too. I just need some advice from guys on if they can really fall in and out of love like that and I need advice from girls on what to listen to my heart or my head. Thanks for listening!
  15. My bf of 3 years pulled that on me. He told me he wanted to grow old with me and 1 month later he said he isn't in love with me anymore. He said he doesn't know if I'm the one. He also said that it wasn't me it was him. I found out he was talking to his ex girlfriend again so I broke up with him. There is something behind his decision. It might not be another girl but something or someone has made him change his mind about your relationship. I would tell him you love him and that you will agree with him and give him his space. Tell him to move out or you move out, but still be friends and be nice. I told my boyfriend to leave but we still did things with eachother every weekend. We are back together after four months of being apart and he wants to move in with me again. I am so confused because what if he does this to me again. I decided since I love him so much that I was going to risk getting hurt again so we will be moving back in together this summer. I feel for you because I know what your going through. I have been there. I started to think it was my weight or my looks or maybe I wasn't satisfing him but it was him. He was being selfish and wanted to see how easy it would be to get out of our relationship. Little did he know I made it real easy. But, I am still scared he will change his mind, it's a risk I have chosen to take. Hope it helped to know that you aren't alone.
  16. If he wants to date her or be with her then that is his choice, but let him know that you are there for him if he needs you. Call him up once in a while to see how he is and make the conversations fun. Good friends are hard to find and even though you aren't together you can still be friends. It may be hard for you to hear about his new girl but don't show it. Let him confide in you and trust you again. Don't call him all the time just once a month to see how he is doing. Take things slow, and be patient with him. If you feelings fade over this time that you give eachother then it will help you heal. If they are still strong at least you have him as a friend, don't give up! Hope I helped a little...
  17. My boyfriend took me to his friends wedding and we were having a good time, but I got a little upset because all his friends were dancing with there girlfriends and he wouldn't dance with me. He said he didn't dance and left kind of angry. We had both been drinking and I was happy he was drinking and enjoying himself because usually he doesn't drink and he gets mad when I drink. Well I decided to cool off and take a walk, when I went outside I saw my boyfriends friends hanging out, so I went over to mingle. They were smoking pot and I used to smoke so I took a hit off the bong and then we all went back to the wedding. Well, my boyfriend saw us walk in and he asked where I was and I told him I was outside, then he said "yeah right". He knew I smoked and I knew he knew and if I told him he would have gotten upset. Well he asked me and I said no because I didn't want him to look down on me. Then he went and asked one of his friends and they said I did so then he came to me and called me a liar. I told him I knew he knew but I didn't want to admit it because he was already pissed at me. So, the rest of the night whenever he would walk by me he would call me a liar, (loud) so everyone could hear. It was so embarrassing. I didn't know his friends that well but they all thought he was acting stupid. I tried to say sorry all night but all he would do is say "I don't talk to liars". I started to cry and sat outside on the bench the rest of the night. He came out and we left, all my stuff was at his house so I had his friends drop me off. He wouldn't let me drive home because he said I was stoned...which I wasn't. I stayed the night and we made up, but I still feel bad. Does anyone have any suggestions of how I could make it up to him?
  18. He was over seas in Hawaii and we had been apart for one year. The pressure was on both of us the last month he was there and I told him if he didn't start being like he used to that I was going to leave him. I think I was getting lonely and I was a little selfish. When he came home I thougt everything was going to be better, but he was really standoffish so I know that there was something up! That is when I started digging and I found out about him and his ex and broke up with him. I think we have come a long way but I don't think she wanted him back and that is the reason I think he is back with me. I guess she was the second choice to begin with because he never called her for almost 2 years until I said I was leaving him on the phone. But, now I am second choice and it doesn't really feel good! Only time will tell but he wants to move in together and I am not sure I want to move that fast ya know...
  19. My boyfriend said "I love you" to his ex while we were together. I found out because I saw he had been calling her at all hours of the night on his cell phone. So I called his ex to confront her and she said he said "I love you" to her everytime they got off the phone. I broke up with him for 2 months now we are back together. I have a hard time knowing that he still has feelings for his ex and that they still talk but I love him so we are back together. Should I put it behind me or be very causious? Also, I have less feelings for him since this incident is it unfair for me to get back with him when my feelings are less? Also, when I broke up he said he didn't love me like he used to and that I was better off. But how could his feelings change in just two months? Am I thinking too much? Thanks, Confused
  20. I am glad to have such great advice. I just felt a little guilty suddenly cutting him off, but oh well. I do plan on hanging out with him once in a while because he is my best friend and we tell eachother everything. But, babysteps is the key so I am sure that I will cut all ties soon after this step. Thanks I know I will be back when I reach a point of weakness, because I always leave this advice room stronger and more positive.
  21. I have been on here a couple times with my problems and the advice has really helped so here goes. My boyfriend and I brokeup 2 months ago, since then we still call eachother everynight and hangout every weekend, we also still have sex together. We don't say I love you or act like a couple at all. Since I was so in love with him it is hard to do all these things with him knowing that he is no longer in love with me. I would like to be intimate with someone that returns my love. I told my ex this morning that I couldn't have sex with him anymore because it is too hard for me. I always hope he will give me flowers, tell me I'm beautiful or even kiss me like he used to, but it never happens. Am I being stupid? I mean we get along great...have great sex...don't fight much, but yet I still feel he is in it because he's comfortable with me. When I told him no more sex he said fine then he asked if we could still hang out. I said yes this morning but I don't know if I meant it. I mean the reason I don't open myself to other guys is because I think he will want me the way he used to one day but I am just fooling myself. He gets a bit jealous if I am out with the girls, but I am not out to meet someone. I really just want to go out to get him out of my mind. I told him the only way I can move on in my life is to stop holding on to him. He seemed fine with what I said which also was hard to take because it just lets me know he really doesn't care. When I told him I felt he didn't care he said I would never know if he did care because he would never tell me Whatever, I guess I just need back up on if I am doing the right thing. I know true love is hard to find, so I hope I am not jumping the gun. But on the other hand if he did love me he would still be around me with out the sex right?? Any advice would be great. sorry for my long post.
  22. As a girl, I can say that we do sometimes lose interest in sex after a baby. Is she on birth control? If she is on birth control that will sometimes lower a girls sex drive. If she is on birth control ask her to try a different kind. I had to try three kinds before I found the right one and now I feel normal. But, if she is just unwilling to get in the mood or be romanced you may have other problems. Have you tried to get her in the mood other then "hey lets have sex". I'm only saying this because women like to be given compliments and told how wonderful they are maybe give her a back rub. Again this is just my opinion. I do know that after six years of being together I would think you know what turns her on. You might want to pleasure each other for a while before sex so the act isn't too long if that is her complaint. I bet she masturbates...ask her if you can watch or be there while she does it. She might feel uncomfortable with this so if she says no let it go. Some girls like to do that alone. I'm just throwing out ideas On another note most women go out to look for attention not to cheat on thier man. Maybe you haven't told her how pretty she is or how great she looks. When that stops every women I know will be happy to receive a compliment from another man. Be careful when you get jealous because women sense that as being insecure and it is a turn off. Tell her to go have a good time with her friends and you go have a good time with yours. Trust is important in a relationship...without it you will be so unhappy. And if she is being bad and fooling around it will come back and bite her in the ass. Just trust that what goes around comes around! Hope this helped. Have a great day
  23. I know I have to be strong, but how do I bring it up to him? I mean the other night we were flirting about sex and now I am telling him no sex??? He also told me it wasn't just sex to him and that I need to let things happen. I told him in the beginning I was okay with this but that was more then a month ago. I am starting to feel like I am just someone to do something with until someone else comes along. He is coming over tonight maybe I will tell him that in order for me to quit having feelings for him I need time to myself. I will tell him that being together this way only makes me want a relationship and even though I said that isn't what I want it is if were going to be having sex. Does that sound good? But, I don't know if I want to be with him because he broke the trust. I guess if he asked me back right now I would still not trust him and that would be just as bad...ya know. If things aren't going to be better then why? I guess it is hard to stop the love making because I feel so loved when we are in bed together. When he is gone I feel so empty! Well, thanks for your input. We are supposed to go on a surfing trip together should I still go or cancel and spend time with my friends?
  24. Ok, I have posted my issues with my b/f or ex-b/f here before, so I will continue from my last post. My b/f and I broke up over one month ago, but we still continued to have sex and hang out all the time. Why did we break up you ask??? Well, he said he wasn't in love with me anymore and he had a little thing going on with his ex-girlfriend and I found out about it. So, trust was broken and his love for me was gone. Anyhow, we started out as friends so we still go surf, hangout on weekends and he even comes to my place once a week. We also talk on the phone everynight. My question is...I am feeling like even though we are not togehter he still wants to know everything that I am doing. I love him very much but since the trust was broken and he fell out of love with me...what am I waiting for??? I have tried to date other guys but I end up pushing them away and I keep thinking my ex will love me the way he used to. I am afraid that if I get involved with someone else I will ruin the chance that he might fall in love with me again. How long is too long? We haven't said "I love you" on the phone since we broke up. We don't hold hands in public or even act loving in public. We just act like best friends. It confuses my family and friends and it confuses me. I don't want him to date anyone else. Yet, I hope he makes up his mind because I feel like I am wasting my time with him. I asked him about 2 weeks ago how much longer we were going to sleep together with no commitment and he says he doesn't know and that I think too much... he says I need to sit back and let whatever happens...happen. I told him I wanted to be with someone who loved me back, and he said why would I spend every weekend with you and call you every night if I didn't. This confused me even more. So, I told him we would have to stop having sex and he said now that he signed the house over to me I have decided to quit having sex with him. He made it sound like I was waiting till he got his name offv the house before I looked for someone else. But, the truth is I love him and if he doesn't love me enough to be my boyfriend again then what the heck am I doing??? When I bring it up he changes the subject. It's like he doesn't want me to be with someone else but he isn't in love with me so why won't he let me go? Any advice on this would be good. Thanks,
  25. I like you Sisterlynch...your positive and uplifting Thanks for you feedback. I agree with you when you say most people aren't happy in committed relationships. I think they rush into them before they are ready..ya know. And to tell you the truth I am only 26 years old and instead of being strapped in a relationship I would like to have memories of when I was on my own having fun! I know this is only temporary and so does he, it's just fun for now It feels okay right now. I don't want to live in the future because you can't predict what's going to happen!
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