So, my boyfriends' family hates me. Awesome.

[ChelseaLee]

I work for an environmental organization called Repower America, and my coworkers and I met at the office downtown to make signs for an upcoming event. My boyfriend came along with me since he supports our efforts (we are "eco-warriors" together, as he likes to say). We had been getting in small spats throughout the day, you know, just one of those days. Every first Friday of the month is a pretty big deal in downtown Saint Petersburg, FL. All of the bars and the streets are flooded with drunken people getting into trouble. So, before we went out, we had plans to go get something to eat. Jack (my boyfriend) says, "Let's go to Fresco's so that I can see my sister" Knowing that he wanted to go there so that he could get free drinks from his sister and begin drinking, I told him that the food was way overpriced there and not even that good. He told me it wasn't a big deal, that he would buy me anything I wanted. So we get to Fresco's, and I ask his sister for a menu. She tells me that they are not serving food anymore. I had not eaten all day.... so clearly this was an issue. I was not about to start drinking on a completely empty stomach. Jack orders a beer. This really upset me because he told me that we would get something to eat after the sign making deal... and there he is ordering a beer. So, his sister goes to the kitchen to see what she can do for me, and brings out some bruchetta on garlic toast. Appetizer sized, not substantial at all. His friends come, I am clearly upset and everyone can tell. I eat some bruchetta and the hunger pains start to subside, so I try to get over the fact that Jack is allowing me to starve and join in on the conversation with my boyfriend, his sister, and friends. I am completely ignored by everyone everytime I try to chime in, so I let it be known to Jack that I felt like I was being discluded. He tells me that I am not talking... He asks me if I would like a drink and I order a long island. Fifteen minutes go by and his sister never gets me the long island and I am still being ignored. My friend Kim arrives, we go sit at a separate table away from everyone else because I was mad at my boyfriend. My friend Kim listens to me vent, and orders me a long island. Everyone finishes their drinks, Jack approaches me and we make up... we all decide to leave and go to a bar. We go to a few bars, have some fun, then we get to this bar called The Garden. We sit down at this table and Jack's sister buys drinks for everyone except for my friend Kim and I. My boyfriend is sipping on his drink, and I become annoyed and say "Wait... why haven't you bought me a drink?" He replies, after sipping his drink... "Um, why aren't you buying me a drink?" I replied, a little drunk... "Your dad pays your rent...." I know what you're thinking, that I was rude, but he had been extremely inconsiderate of me the entire day, besides the fact that he helped me make signs for Repower America. So I storm out of the bar really upset that my boyfriend is being such a little douche bag. Kim follows me and drops me off at my friends house. I say a bunch of mean things to my boyfriend via text, then turn off my phone so he worries about where I am all night. We resolve things the next day. Then I find out a couple days later that his sister is texting him things like "pull the plug" and "toss the towel" calling him multiple times throughout the day to tell Jack to break up with me. I look on her facebook wall and see that she has even created a facebook GROUP titled "PULL THE PLUG!" and the description was "just a little reminder for jack to PULL THE PLUG!!!" Jack is upset by this and tells her to delete the group. So, I message her basically saying that I couldn't believe she would do this to me, and that i found it pretty disgusting that she would ever want to make someone feel this way. Thanks a lot, I say. That was all I said. Nothing mean, even though I wanted to badly. So then Jack recieves a text from his sister saying "She is messaging me and egging me on.... now it stays up for two more weeks." This unleashed the wrath inside of me and I sent her this message....

"so i hear this is exactly what you want, so i am giving you what you want, (edit) .

i never really believed the horror stories that i heard about you, until now.

you probably wouldn't even have a relationship with your little brother these days if it weren't for me constantly telling him how lucky he was to have a sane sis...ter, and encouraging him to be closer to you and your mother. for you to tell jack to break up with me is laughable to me. jack and i share an unbreakable, incredible love for one another that cannot be shaken by your misguided and inaccurate judgements. you clearly have never felt something like that. you are an ice cold (language) .... i can see why a man would go to jail just to hit you once now... well, i guess these are just the antics of a lonely, miserable (language) . keep your childish group posted; it'll be a "nice little reminder" of why people like you are they way they are, and why people like myself are loved by guys like jack. goodnight and good riddens "

.... Pretty harsh, I know. Especially the part about the guy who hit her and went to jail... Please keep in mind how much she hurt me by posting the group to the public on facebook, and that I was hysterically crying while writing it. After I sent that, she blew up Jacks phone, sending texts asking for his new address immediately, assumingly so she could come fight me. Long story short, she sent what I wrote to her to their father and he told Jack that he "never wants to see me again". Jack had to plead with his father just to stop him from having movers come and remove all of my things from his apartment. (I live with Jack and his dad pays Jacks' rent, as mentioned earlier lol) I'm sure once their mother hears about it she will hate me as well. (She lives in Michigan, his father is married to another woman, who despises the sister.... so I am not worried about her. She probably thinks it's funny to tell you the truth.)

I am completely devastated over this situation. Jack asked me if I wanted to go out for his friends' 21st birthday tonight, yesterday... and I said yes. Today, he told me that he was going to have to drop me off somewhere when he stops by his house in Saint Pete before we go out because his dad never wants to see me again. I told him I would just rather not go out at all because being told that his dad hated me now really hurt. I really like his dad, and my dad moved away and doesn't talk to me anymore. After giving me the impression that he doesn't want me in his life anymore, I stopped trying to be in his life. So, Jack's dad kind of felt like my dad. I kind of felt like they were my family. His sister and I always got along. She cleaned out her closet one time and gave me all her clothes. We had fun together at family events. It was only after witnessing Jack and I argue this past Friday night that made her loathe me. And now my relationship with his family is destroyed completely. It saddens me so much. Jack values his father's opinions and looks up to him more than anyone in the world. And now his dad hates me because of his (edit) of a sister. I just can't imagine how this is going to affect our relationship. I'm not even allowed to go to his house now! What about holidays? My family is literally insane and very small. There are no holiday events in my family. I can't even imagine the holiday depression that I will endure when Jack is with his family and I am alone somewhere because they hate me. I'm so upset... does anyone have any experience with their significant other's family despising them? What should I do?? Advice would be amazing right now.

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone. I can't help but think that this is a lot of drama that could have been averted if you had just gotten some food earlier in the night. you know, if you were that hungry, you could have just left and gone and found a mcdonald's and come back to the bar? my thoughts. when you're hungry, you're cranky. obviously, your bf could have been more considerate and maybe gone with you to get some fast food for like 30 minutes before joining people back at the bar.

 

it seems like everything snowballed out of proportion to the point where really mean things were said. i would try to smooth it over with everyone, including jack. i'd apologize to them all, even if it wasn't 100% your fault and say you want to move forward. i'd try to keep his family out of the dramas and take the high road. the relationship is about you and jack, try to keep it that way.

 

good luck

[pinkelephant]

man, i think you really crossed the line. you should've been happy his sister tried to find you some food. she wasn't obligated. it doesn't sound like you even thanked her...

 

i would just lay low and stop feeling sorry for yourself and gravel your way back... if they let you. like, none of you should have been acting that way....

 

 

btw, welcome to ENA... next time vent here before you blow up. =)

[FathomFear]

I don't mean to sound rude, but I think much of what you experienced is related to age and immaturity. I don't get the sense that any of you communicate well. There's a lot of passive-aggressive childishness everywhere. Everything from your actions in the restaurant, to his family ignoring you, etc. The way that you all interact with each other is rather immature. Communication is key. I get the impression all of you would rather pout and send angry text messages than you would being up front with your feelings from the getgo.

 

For example, "Hi Guys--I'd love to stick around and hang out, but I haven't eaten all day. I'm going to step out and grab a bite to eat. I'll be back later and catch up if you're still here". That's the mature way of handling the situation. Not bottling up anger, hoping everyone around you reads your mind, and then getting angry if they don't.

 

But in any case, you can't control how your boyfriend's parents regard you. All you can control are your own actions. Just focus on being calm, mature, and refrain from acting out irrationally with emotional outbursts. Take the high ground. Over time, taking this route will change the perception people have.

[ChelseaLee]

I will admit that I can be irrational and don't always handle situations gracefully. I will also admit that I need to work on controling my outburts. I am not a bad person though and I only react when there is a stimulus. How could his dad come to accept me if he never wants to see me again?

[annie24]

I think if you apologize, things will get smoothed over over time. Sometimes it's good to take a few breaths before reacting. go outside, clear your head, before responding in anger to someone. i'm really cranky when i'm hungry, so just going out to get some food, calm down, it gives me enough perspective to be nicer and more tactful about an issue.

[DN]

I suspect that it will take a lot more than a simple apology to fix this. I don't want to be overly critical but I have to say I think you were really out of line and totally over-reacted. I think this calls not just for verbal apologies but flowers and written apologies and an understanding that his family may take a long time before they view you in a positive light.

[lostnscared]

I suspect that it will take a lot more than a simple apology to fix this. I don't want to be overly critical but I have to say I think you were really out of line and totally over-reacted. I think this calls not just for verbal apologies but flowers and written apologies and an understanding that his family may take a long time before they view you in a positive light.

 

I agree. The damage here is great. You called her names, you talked about a traumatic past event, and you were very immature. She was immature, but you really took the icing on the cake.

 

An apology is not going to cut it. His sister--if she ever did like you--will probably take a VERY long time to accept you again, if she does.

 

This is one of those situations where you just have to *hope* that overtime the family accepts you again.

 

There are no "sorry's" in the world that are going to take back what you said, and how you reacted.

 

At this point, the MOST you can do is go see her in person and lay out the cards in the table--apologize profusely, buy her lunch, tell her that you reacted completely out of emotion and that you did not mean a word you said.

 

And then from then on out be on your best behavior. You don't have to grovel but make sure that you watch what you say.

 

In regards to the father--well that's a different story. You hurt his daughter. You can expect that the father will probably get over it, over time, and ONCE his daughter can move past it he probably will.

 

In the mean time, unfortunately your bf will have to continue to defend you, and you'll have to really put an effort to be gentle. Understand why they won't see you, and understand that it's going to take time before the damage is undone(if it ever is).

[faithful14]

Since this just happened, I would let things cool down for a bit before attempting to reconcile.

 

I liked DN's idea though, some flowers and a written apology explaining your actions and how you are sorry. I do understand that this isn't completely your fault and that the sister didn't have to be rude either. But you have to remember in regards to your boyfriend, this is his family. Families tend to stick together through thick and thin- so I feel like when people try to go against a family member, they will lose.

 

Just from here on out, if someone else is rude to you in the family, to stay kind and gracious. I've been in a similar situation like you so I understand that it's not always easy to be the bigger person here. But if they see you reacting in a calm and graceful manner, they would be more likely to think that you have changed and deserve a second chance.

[Siriana]

You overreacted.

You were upset with your bf, and instead telling him politely you are hungry you were sulking in the corner with your friend.

And when you realised his sister doesn't like you and shows that in a very immature and childish way, you made the conflict worse instead being an adult and ignoring her lame attempts to upset you. And they were high school level lame attempts. If you are above 16 - it's just plain childish.

I don't want to be right but i think you could expect him to leave you for this. Telling his sister she deserved to be beaten up by her ex bf is a very low kick. And you called her names.

I don't want to disappoint you, but looks like you and his sister are both quite childish.

Take this incident as a little lesson for future. Try to learn out of this how not to behave when someone upsets you.

I know you are not a mean person but to let other people see that, youll have to work on your attitude.

[lostnscared]

Honestly this is what I was thinking as well...

 

Three things will happen from this situation

 

1) The OP will apologize, grovel, etc and then the sister will eventually come around forgive her and so will the father--but that is MONTHS down the road or even YEARS down the road.

 

2) The Bf will be forced to kick the gf out, and he will have to hide their relationship from his parents and sister--they NEVER forgive her because of how awful she was. And from then on out they just don't speak.

 

3) The bf dumps her because of parental pressure and because overtime he just can't take it.

 

 

honestly 2) and 3) are more likely to happen. I'm going with three.

[capilot]

I am not a bad person though and I only react when there is a stimulus.

 

There will always be stimulus. If you can't learn to handle it, then what happened to you this week is what will keep happening to you for the rest of your life.