How Long are you....

[lostnscared]

So if you've been following my threads. Ex took a break with me 1.5 weeks ago due to stress he was feeling from his job, from home, and from me. I had went to the hospital for drinking too much and eating pot brownies. It was my second time going to the hospital for drinking too much. Anyway after that happened he decided he needed a break. He was very angry with me. AT first when he said he wanted the break it was no time frame from when I would hear back from him. I wasn't allowed to call him, see him, and no we could not meet friends. He made it seem like it would be months before we would speak again. He told me that he hoped I'd work on myself and become a more mature pereson. And that he was working on himself--stopping some of his bad habits, getting his financial situation together and so on.

Two days later I get a text from him saying to just give him a few weeks and he would call me. I'm guessing it was because he realized he made an "impuslive" move and that he really didn't want this break to last that long. But at that point I had already made it my head that this break was useful and that I needed this time for myself. Anyway needless to say the next day i changed my phone number and I did not give it to him.

If you've read my latest thread. He found out that I changed my number and at first he was angry. Then on Monday, after trying to look for the email I sent him, he called my friend to get my new number. She would not give it to him. He was hurt and shocked--needless to say. At the time my friend told him that I instructed her not to give him my number until he gets the 4 page letter that I mailed to him--which he should get by Thursday.

The letter basically told him that I was using this break to work on myself, because i realized I had no identity, that I did not love myself, and that I just needed to find myself and learn to be a stronger more mature person--stop engaging in destructive behaviors etc. I informed that before we move forward I need him to get stable as well. And that if he breaks up with me again or takes a break with me again--it's over FOR GOOD, if he disrespects me or treats me bad again it's OVER FOR GOOD and that things ARE going to change in this relationship. I gave him an update on what's going in my life. And told him that I felt like he was scared of comittment because everytime the going gets tough he bails out and that I don't feel like I can count on him because of that. I did tell him i loved him though, and still wanted to try again, but not until we were both in a better place.

 

I'm not sure how long it will take for me to get myself together or him to get himself together. I suppose it will take me a couple of months--as I'm already transforming. But I know he wants to talk now, get back together NOW--though once he reads that letter he may have second thoughts.

 

I just want to know for people who WANT to get back with their ex how long are you waiting before reaching out to them?

 

I definetely don't want to get back with him so soon. I feel as if there hasn't been enough time for us to work on ourselves individually. On the other hand I've been told that waiting too long isn't a good idea either.

[GenoGeno]

I don't know if I ever will, I continued on wanting her and asking her for four months after she broke up with me. I've recently just felt like a total tool for doing that and stopped contacting her. She's probably more than relieved I don't call or send her messages anymore and it's gotten to the point if I even ever said Hey again....I'd think inside that she think's i'm just trying to get back with her...So unless she made some contact. Never.

[lostnscared]

In my situation--I'm essentially turning the tables. He only wanted this break for two weeks, but I'm thinking we need it longer. So once I let him know that--I think it's my responsibility to reach out to him when I feel ready. I think 2-3 months is probably the time frame I'm looking at, maybe shorter. Who know's.

[bwhite00]

If you think you may have a substance abuse problem (as I do), get help before getting into a relationship again. Trust me on this.

[Live-N-Learn]

After announcing NC I waited 10 weeks.

[R_wants_R_back]

I just read this and realised it is EXACTLY how i feel. i stopped contacting her too , F*** it

 

I don't know if I ever will, I continued on wanting her and asking her for four months after she broke up with me. I've recently just felt like a total tool for doing that and stopped contacting her. She's probably more than relieved I don't call or send her messages anymore and it's gotten to the point if I even ever said Hey again....I'd think inside that she think's i'm just trying to get back with her...So unless she made some contact. Never.

[Ms Darcy]

I'm not sure how long it will take for me to get myself together or him to get himself together. I suppose it will take me a couple of months--as I'm already transforming. But I know he wants to talk now, get back together NOW--though once he reads that letter he may have second thoughts.

 

I just want to know for people who WANT to get back with their ex how long are you waiting before reaching out to them?

 

I definetely don't want to get back with him so soon. I feel as if there hasn't been enough time for us to work on ourselves individually. On the other hand I've been told that waiting too long isn't a good idea either.

 

I may be wrong, but hasn't this guy dumped you three times? If so, i think you should consider moving on from him.

[lostnscared]

I may be wrong, but hasn't this guy dumped you three times? If so, i think you should consider moving on from him.

 

Yes he has. I've thought about moving on and I am in a sense. But if he makes the changes necessary and if I do as well then I wouldn't see anything wrong with trying it again. At this point though I've been NC for about 3 weeks so I'm pretty fine with things going in either direction. I still love him and think the relationship has potential and the past is the past( my motto) so as long as both people have committed to being better people and doing better in their present. Thus no matter how much he dumped me, if he has changed and is committed to making a relationship work I will consider being back with him.

 

On a side note, we are both very young. I have several friends and family members who were on "off and on" relationships throughout their early years and settled down with that same person once both people were "ready". Example--my brother and his wife.

 

Anyway,

 

Thank you for your input.

 

 

[Ms Darcy]

Of course, your life is up to you. I guess if his dumping doesn't really make you wonder how committed he'll remain, then more power to you. I do think it's difficult to compare yourself to other on/off situations but again, if you can take it all in stride then that's all that matters. Best!