Could he be interested?

[kimberrr]

How do you know if a guy is ever truly flirting with you, especially when he's older. I've been taking a summer class and I am totally in lust with my professor. At times I want to say he likes me too, but then he just could be really nice. There are just really nice people in the world. I always doubt if he's flirting or may like me because first he's older and then he's married with kids. I'm like he couldn't be interested in little old me...but anyway could you guys give me some advice are these some signs or I'm just making it seem like some signs lol.

 

I always thought he was a cute guy from day one but he didn't really catch my attention until he commented on the pattern of my shirt one day. He said it was his favorite. Then he started doing things like asking me how my day was specifically everyday...now it didn't raise an eyebrow on that because he does this to a lot of people. Then one day on my way to class he asked to walk me to class...and we talked and found out we were both the same signs. He said it explained a lot. After class that day he said he loved talking to me my voice was soothing. One day after class was over he found me and said he was looking for me... I had asked him earlier about some of his art. When we were talking he touches my arm like he's engaging me...now I've never seen him do this with another person. It's like while we're talking he's so in tuned and focus on my every word and he looks me directly in the eye. Sometimes I have to look away because it makes me nervous. Oh and he calls me names like sweetie and doll.

 

One day he even asked me why I didn't come back to talk to him when another class was cancelled. I told him I didn't want to distract him and he told me that he'd push all his work aside just to talk to me. I remember one day I lingered in the halls hoping to catch him and he saw me, but he was helping another student. Afterwards he walked out of his way just to see if I was still sitting in the same spot to talk. Then today after class was over he stayed and talk with me for 2 hours. About personal things. It didn't feel weird or uncomfortable either even tho he is my professor. Now that I'm re-reading this it just seems he's being a nice guy and doesn't like me. Plus he's married and he really seems to love his wife.

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone

 

Plus he's married and he really seems to love his wife.

 

hmmm, yeah, stay away.

 

honestly, student/teacher crushes are very common and can be harmless. it is nice to daydream about your handsome professor while the subject matter is kind of boring. still, it's not a good thing to do, on so many levels - he is married, he is your professor, he can ruin your grade, etc.....

[pinkelephant]

Lol, oh my.. sweetie and doll? Unless he's a flaming gay at a very liberal college, that's entirely inappropriate.

 

All you have to know is that he's married and your professor.

 

 

He might just like the attention. I had a teacher in highschool that loved it when highschool girls fawned over him. It was beyond disturbing, if you think about it.

[Batya33]

It sounds like he might be attracted to you and might be flirting with you but that doesn't mean he is interested in going on a date with you - and, anyway, he can't date because he's married. My advice is to enjoy the memory of the ego boost and keep your distance - don't get involved in making trouble for a marriage and family just because you enjoy the attention. Obviously what he is doing is inappropriate, but it takes two. And, if you need more motivation to stay away, consider that if you ever did get involved with him you'd worry every single time he taught a class that he'd flirt inappropriately with some pretty young thing.

[MetaphorDavis]

He probably does this every semester. Its called grooming.

[kimberrr]

Lol, oh my.. sweetie and doll? Unless he's a flaming gay at a very liberal college, that's entirely inappropriate.

 

All you have to know is that he's married and your professor.

 

 

He might just like the attention. I had a teacher in highschool that loved it when highschool girls fawned over him. It was beyond disturbing, if you think about it.

 

Yeah I was thinking maybe he just liked to talk and since I took an interest he likes it. lol he's not gay. I find it cute when he calls me doll he like whispers it in a low tone for me to hear only.

[annie24]

Yeah it's sexy because it's forbidden on many levels. But you should not let things progress.

[MyNinja]

oh wow what a story...but like the others said it is inappropriate behaviour on his part. Im sure it will die down just as fast as he started taking an "interest" in you being that it is a school and he's around so many people.

[MikNomis]

He's flirting with you it seems, however, I am pretty darn sure that the most he would take it is a secret affair, and that's pushing it as there is a LOT to lose family and careerwise. Don't think about this, it's probably not going to happen.

[Batya33]

Yeah I was thinking maybe he just liked to talk and since I took an interest he likes it. lol he's not gay. I find it cute when he calls me doll he like whispers it in a low tone for me to hear only.

 

Yes, very cute. Think about how cute it will feel if, after a nice long meal with him and some cuddling on your couch (never his couch - that's where he cuddles with his wife and family), he goes home to his wife or perhaps back to the office to meet with a "student" - will your stomach feel cute then thinking about him making love to his wife or whispering the same way to a student? And I would think as his student you would be turned off by being called "doll" - don't you want to be respected for your intellect?

[kimberrr]

I never said I wanted to date him. It's just a crush...I would like to see how far it goes, but I'm not trying to be serious about it. I just want to know how far would he go.

 

He does respect me for my intellect I think that's why he finds it so easy to talk to me. You don't find many older people willing to talk to a younger person and one to actually take them serious.

[Batya33]

I never said I wanted to date him. It's just a crush...I would like to see how far it goes, but I'm not trying to be serious about it. I just want to know how far would he go.

 

He does respect me for my intellect I think that's why he finds it so easy to talk to me. You don't find many older people willing to talk to a younger person and one to actually take them serious.

 

Well you can't date him because married people can't date. Why not put your ego aside and your need to know how attracted he is to you and prioritize his child, wife, family life by keeping your distance.

 

He might find you intelligent but his behavior and calling you "doll" shows, to me at least that he first and foremost sees you as a pretty young thing to flirt with, and the "intellect" part is secondary. Certainly, if you continue to flirt with him you will be showing him that you have little respect for yourself and, at least as far as emotional intelligence and "street smarts" are concerned, you are lacking in that area.

[MalibuOne]

I never said I wanted to date him. It's just a crush...I would like to see how far it goes, but I'm not trying to be serious about it. I just want to know how far would he go.

 

He does respect me for my intellect I think that's why he finds it so easy to talk to me. You don't find many older people willing to talk to a younger person and one to actually take them serious.

 

You'd like to see how far he'd go?? Wow. What about his wife and children? Or is this just about how you feel?

 

His behavior with respect to his family is nothing short of reprehensible. Doesn't the thought of being with a man who could treat his family so poorly bother you?

[Batya33]

You'd like to see how far he'd go?? Wow. What about his wife and children? Or is this just about how you feel?

 

His behavior with respect to his family is nothing short of reprehensible. Doesn't the thought of being with a man who could treat his family so poorly bother you?

 

It sounds like it might bother her but all she wants to do is play - so that she can get her ego stroked more than it has been already - and if it means playing with fire a bit so be it - it's all about her and her need to feel desired by this married man. Kind of sad.

[savignon]

It's so disheartening that there are young women out there who don't have enough self respect to not be "the girl on the side". And to think it's fun and exciting to push the boundaries of someone else's marriage or "see how far (it) will go"...suggests low self esteem and perhaps some past abuse of power where she was the victim. I agree with the suggestion that there aren't a lot of "street smarts" in play here...some people have to learn the painful way in order to develop them.

[Batya33]

It's so disheartening that there are young women out there who don't have enough self respect to not be "the girl on the side". And to think it's fun and exciting to push the boundaries of someone else's marriage or "see how far (it) will go"...suggests low self esteem and perhaps some past abuse of power where she was the victim. I agree with the suggestion that there aren't a lot of "street smarts" in play here...some people have to learn the painful way in order to develop them.

 

Yes, it is sad and perpetuates a negative stereotype about women. My husband is in a similar profession where he finds himself in similar situations to that described by the OP (not meaning the way this guy is behaving, or the OP just the potential for it) and I cringe when I read about women who behave like this. Of course it takes two which is reassuring for me given my husband's stellar character and integrity but to think that he would have to deal with this kind of person is a shame.

[MalibuOne]

It sounds like it might bother her but all she wants to do is play - so that she can get her ego stroked more than it has been already - and if it means playing with fire a bit so be it - it's all about her and her need to feel desired by this married man. Kind of sad.

 

Um yeah, but what slays me is her total disregard for the wife and kids. She's not even thinking about what it would do to them while she takes her chances on this fling. The OP would get over it fairly quickly, most likely, but the damage she could do to this man's family could be gut wrenching for them.

[kimberrr]

Nothing has even happened...if feelings happen you can't stop that. I'm not going to stop my chance at something potentially good for me. For those worried I'm doing something bad school ends this week we'll probably never see each other again.

 

Anyways I think I pretty much for my confirmation on how he feels today...he asked me how I was and I was like good and he goes you sure look good too. It made my day.

[MalibuOne]

I disagree. Something HAS happened. And just because feelings happen, it doesn't mean we should act on them. You CAN stop yourself from doing something that is patently wrong - engaging in inappropriate behavior with a married man and that includes flirting & engaging with him every chance you get. He's old enough to know better than to behave so atrociously. You, though it appears you recognize his behavior is inappropriate, have made it clear that you only care about how this makes YOU feel, not what disastrous impact your actions could have on others.

[savignon]

I'm not going to stop my chance at something potentially good for me

 

This says it all. Being a third party to someone else's marriage is not a good thing for anyone. It's a naieve thing to believe. I suppose some of us just learn the hard way when we didn't have role models of real love, partnership or commitment and were left thinking that it's fun or thrilling or exciting to get 'secret attention'.

This won't end with this professor or "at the end of the semester"...it's a belief system that will likely land this person in the same situation over and over---never the girlfriend, always the side-dish. What a shame.

[kimberrr]

I disagree. Something HAS happened. And just because feelings happen, it doesn't mean we should act on them. You CAN stop yourself from doing something that is patently wrong - engaging in inappropriate behavior with a married man and that includes flirting & engaging with him every chance you get. He's old enough to know better than to behave so atrociously. You, though it appears you recognize his behavior is inappropriate, have made it clear that you only care about how this makes YOU feel, not what disastrous impact your actions could have on others.

 

We've only talk. Nothing further. That's not hurting anyone.

[kimberrr]

I'm not going to stop my chance at something potentially good for me

 

This says it all. Being a third party to someone else's marriage is not a good thing for anyone. It's a naieve thing to believe. I suppose some of us just learn the hard way when we didn't have role models of real love, partnership or commitment and were left thinking that it's fun or thrilling or exciting to get 'secret attention'.

This won't end with this professor or "at the end of the semester"...it's a belief system that will likely land this person in the same situation over and over---never the girlfriend, always the side-dish. What a shame.

 

That's really harsh. I don't think you know me that well to assume that. This is one thing.

[annie24]

What do you think is the good that will come out of a relationship with him?

[Batya33]

Nothing has even happened...if feelings happen you can't stop that. I'm not going to stop my chance at something potentially good for me. For those worried I'm doing something bad school ends this week we'll probably never see each other again.

 

Anyways I think I pretty much for my confirmation on how he feels today...he asked me how I was and I was like good and he goes you sure look good too. It made my day.

 

Sounds good that school is ending so you will be forced to stop your end of this flirtation and playing with fire - because it sounds like you're not going to choose to stop - to the contrary, it sounds like you're going to choose to continue as long as it's giving you the thrills you seem to need in your life. Perhaps find an activity that gives you a similar self esteem boost and doesn't involve flirting with a married father.

[kimberrr]

What do you think is the good that will come out of a relationship with him?

 

I just really like him as a person in general. I want to continue our friendship if it suits him. I really enjoy our conversations like I would any other guy whose my friend. I think I can learn from him as you do with all friendships.

Like I said we may never talk to each other again as this week ends, but he really did impact my life for the little time I've known him. I would hate to stop talking to him so soon.