How can I divorce her?

[Steven1607307306]

So I recently told my wife that I wanted a divorce beacuse she is contantly being a psycho/abusive person. I made the mistake of marrying her becuase I thought it was the right think to do since we had a child together (unplanned). I now understand that I should never have married her just because we had a kid together because even before she got pregnant I didn;t want to be with her. I was going to break up with her the day she told me she was pregnant.

 

Anywho, I brought up the divorce issue, and she was screaming/crying hysterically and said that I am her one and only, and we were meant for each other, and blah blah blah. Well, I've realised that I deserve a much better person in my life, but I can't seem to get myself to kick her out.

 

I told her that seperating might be a good way to see if that's what I really want (I say I because she does not want a divorce). Then she says it's all or nothing. What the heck do I do? I don't love her anymore. I'm over her. I see her a completely different way. I feel emotionally detached.

 

Sorry if this seems like a ramble but my brain is scrambled with confusion. PLEASE HELP!

[Atticus90]

She can't keep you from getting the divorce papers filed.

Just go through with it. You can't let her psycho mentality put you in fear. It should definitely be easy if you're detached like you say you are.

 

By the way, how is she abusive? Like physically? Also, how is she a psycho?

[iBroken]

She cant hold you back

File for divorce if that is what you truly want.

[-Sanguine-]

Yeah, just get the divorce papers and file them.

 

Just recently my boyfriend's friend and his wife decided to get a divorce. He had married her because he got her pregnant, not out of love. You owe it to yourself to get out of that relationship. You are very young, too.. no point in staying somewhere you don't want to be. It will be better for the child that way, too.

[BunnyTee]

This has a read-between-the-lines feel to it...as in: there's another yet-undisclosed player involved here, I'm betting you've had at least one affair and this is where you find yourself.

Truth is, yes, you can file and have her served, but if you plan on an easy out, you may need to rethink your methods....a no-fault divorce is uncontested and both parties agree and consent to it. If you have children then there's the custody thing. Support, property settlement. It's not so easy to just walk away. I'd recommend seeking marriage counsel and then make a determination. If you have a counselor's determination that all is lost and irreparably broken then you may be able to obtain a divorce much more hassle-free.

[Daligal83]

Have you considered couples counseling to try to work through your problems? It's not like she is just your girlfriend. She is your wife and the mother of your child. I don't advocate staying in an abusive relationship, but you guys are both very young and just may need help learning to work through your problems in a healthy way.

[Steven1607307306]

 

By the way, how is she abusive? Like physically? Also, how is she a psycho?

 

She hits me all the time and throws stuff at me. It rarely hurts it's just the fact that she does it at all that gets to me. And she's a psycho in many different ways. First of all she gets angry over the most idiotic things like, today when I got off of work, she asked if I was gonna go with her to the mall. I say, "No. I'm going to golf."

She says, "okay Well I'm taking Delilah to the mall..."

Ten minutes later she starts screaming at me and slamming doors. She said she doesnt want to take our daughter to the mall...

 

So I said fine, I'll take her...Then she started screaming and said "LET GO OF MY DAUGHTER MOTHER !@#$*%!"

 

...stuff I deal with everyday...it's hard.

 

Anyways another thing is...what if I don't want to kick her to the streets? Her parents have basically disowned her. She doesn't have any friends. I want to divorce her, but I don't want to be givin her change on the corner of 8th and O street.

[lavenderdove]

Sadly, i've seen most 'obligation' marriages due to the girl getting pregnant fall apart... You need to get married because you really see the other person as your permanent partner and someone you love, not just because of an accident of biology.

 

If you really don't want to be married to her, then i'd go ahead and file for divorce... but be prepared for her to fight you for custoday and try to get child support and maybe even alimony. So go to a divorce lawyer to get good advice before filing.

[Steven1607307306]

This has a read-between-the-lines feel to it...as in: there's another yet-undisclosed player involved here, I'm betting you've had at least one affair and this is where you find yourself.

 

Wrong. I would never cheat on her, or anyone no matter who it is or what they do. In fact she cheated on me...well actually she prostituted herself out in washington d.c.

 

I personally would never do that, since I actually have a conscience and guilt, and.. common sense.

[annie24]

you should look up divorce laws in your state. i don't think she can stop you from divorcing you, but she can make your life hell. ie, fighting it every stage of the way. like the others said, it's easier when it's uncontested. i might try to get some advice at a low cost clinic and see what options are available to you. it would be best if you two could come to an agreement with custody without dragging in lawyers which will be $$$$$.

[H20]

Well Steve, you seem pretty 'together'...you already KNOW you want a divorce, but I doubt she will give you an easy go of it. My concern is that she is so violent...especially if she gets custody of your daughter. I could see her using her as a bargaining tool with you. Are you prepared for a fight? Do you have any interest in keeping your daughter?

[Steven1607307306]

Of course I have an interst in keeping my daughter. She is the light of my life! My happiest memory is the day she was born, I will never forget the feeling I got when I became a father. If it wasn't for my daughter I'd still be sniffin cocaine, and smoking pot. And I'd prolly not have a job...

 

I just want my wife to understand that it's not working out. A no-fault divorce would be ideal, however I've no idea how to convince my wife to do that. She swears up and down that we were meant to be, but it's some fantasy that I don't want her to chase becuase I don't want to hurt her more than I have to.

[Steven1607307306]

you should look up divorce laws in your state. i don't think she can stop you from divorcing you, but she can make your life hell. ie, fighting it every stage of the way. like the others said, it's easier when it's uncontested. i might try to get some advice at a low cost clinic and see what options are available to you. it would be best if you two could come to an agreement with custody without dragging in lawyers which will be $$$$$.

 

That's exactly what I'm trying to avoid. I just want to split everything 50/50, have joint custody and move on. It's not like we have much to split up. I bought a car for us...she can have it. I'll get a new one. She has racked up $20,000 of medical bill debt (she became addicted to morphine and faked migraines to get it from the doctor who would hospitalize her)...I'll even take half of that debt and pay it...I JUST WANT TO GET AWAY FROM HER.

 

I just wanna live my life knowing that when I come home after a long, hard day at work, I won't worry if I say the wrong thing I'm gonna get punched in the throat, ya know?

[annie24]

have you filed police complaints against her? if she is really beating on you, you should report it to the police, and have an order of protection against her. you don't want her to do the same thing to your daughter.

[H20]

Of course I have an interst in keeping my daughter. She is the light of my life! My happiest memory is the day she was born, I will never forget the feeling I got when I became a father. If it wasn't for my daughter I'd still be sniffin cocaine, and smoking pot. And I'd prolly not have a job...

 

I just want my wife to understand that it's not working out. A no-fault divorce would be ideal, however I've no idea how to convince my wife to do that. She swears up and down that we were meant to be, but it's some fantasy that I don't want her to chase becuase I don't want to hurt her more than I have to.

 

 

Aww Steven you sound like a good guy. I think you should go ahead with the divorce filing...let the chips fall where they may. The longer you wait, the more bitter your wife will likely be..and no one deserves to be punched in the throat...

[Adorei]

Absolutely get a divorce. It sounds like she's just as miserable as you are, anyway. Sounds like she will try to fight it, but a good fight costs money and I'll bet that's something she doesn't have a lot of, am I right?

[Steven1607307306]

Absolutely get a divorce. It sounds like she's just as miserable as you are, anyway. Sounds like she will try to fight it, but a good fight costs money and I'll bet that's something she doesn't have a lot of, am I right?

 

That is correct. Wow it's a huge step to take. I know when I do it will only get better in the long run. I just don't want to deal with the b.s. that is comes with. But I HAVE TO.

[Adorei]

That is correct. Wow it's a huge step to take. I know when I do it will only get better in the long run. I just don't want to deal with the b.s. that is comes with. But I HAVE TO.

 

Believe me, I know it's difficult. It WILL get better. Not only for you, but for your daughter. Out of all the things that you said, what got my attention the most was you saying that she was pulling her crap and yelling obscenities in front of your child. That is unforgivable. It sounds like you two are just poison to each other and being around each other escalates the situation. After all the BS is over, both of you will be better parents (at least I'm hoping so) and that's what the most important thing is.

[Sanesoul]

Just think about your little girl. Your wife is being abusive to her by being violent with you in front of her. It's a very unhealthy scenario.

 

Your wife sounds mentally unstable at best.

 

I would file for divorce and file for custody at the same time.

 

You need to think about you and your daughter right now.

[BunnyTee]

It's good to hear that you have a functioning conscience. I still say marriage counselling is your best bet, you may discover a venue you have not yet taken, you may also discover that there is more of an issue at work that is causing the nutted-out wife thing. Since there's a child involved, you're going to have the custody battle element. That usually runs into some serious buckage in attorney fees. If you're not careful, you'll end up lining the pockets of a divorce attorney or two. It sounds like you may have a serious battle in this. Especially, if she fights you. You can bet she'll fight you for custody, them comes the support, and alimony payments. This is going to cost you. Bank on it. The courts almost always rule in her favor unless you can prove beyond a solid shadow of a doubt that she's catastrophically unfit. Good luck to you, you're going to need it, I think.

[Steven1607307306]

Well the marraige counseling is pretty much out of the question for me. If I know I don't want to work it out it will be a waste of time/money. My biggest question still stands...

 

How do I divorce her if I don't want to kick her to the curb? She has nowhere to go. I don't want to be with her, but I don't want her to be stranded with nowhere to live. And I cannot afford to rent a place for her...

[annie24]

Are you concerned about the physical safety of you and your child?? If she has been hitting you as you say, she should be in jail.

[lavenderdove]

My suggestion would be that you try to plan it out as best you can.

 

I'd try to talk to her into getting a job BEFORE you tell her you want a divorce, because if she has no job and you want to divorce, she can go to an attorney and try to get full custody and have you pay both child support and for a place for her and your daughter to live.

 

You might try to find somewhere with free legal aid to ask how to go about this... the court will not allow her permanent alimony and she will eventually have to get a job anyway to support herself. But you might have to pay for it for awhile, and perhaps you will need to move in with a relative or friend during that period where she is getting on her feet and getting her own job.

[Circe]

See a lawyer and consider full custody..