on a break...don't know what to do...

[empty]

hello,

About 1 month ago today, my girlfriend of 3 years as of today, March 25th put our relationship on a break. 2 days after she told me she could not see herself with anyone else. I love her so much I'm physical and mental pain. we always sat back and thought about how lucky we were and agreed that we would always talk things out. we even got the most obvious problems out of the way, culture, religion and that sort of thing. She's been talking about marriage for the past 6 months as well.

 

i'm so confused, empty, and really scared. sometimes i wonder if i can take this kind of pain. i don't know.

 

to throw something else in the mix, she's a cop, recently appointed to the police. I don't know if this has anything to do with us. we were about to sign a mortgage two weeks earlier.

[Gilgamesh]

hello Empty,

 

believe me when I tell you that I really know what your going through as I had a very similar thing happen to me!.

 

It would really help if we had a little more details, such as:

 

How did she break up with you?

What exacly did she say and how did she say it?

What other recent events have been going on in your lives before the break up?

 

The only advise I can give you, and this is important ! is you need to give her some time, just call her up once, tell her you love her, and that you understand she needs time to think, and that if she wants to talk, youll be there for her. thats it! dont pressure her and dont make her feel Guilty for what she did (my mistake) if you do, she will justify her actions by switching the blame or finding reasons to support whatever reason she broke up with you in the first place.

 

You best chance of getting back is if you give her time to think. really!

 

My girlfriend broke up with me out of the blue also, after a 4 year wonderful loving relationship, and only 2 weeks after we started planning marriage. so yes I know! I made many mistakes in my pain and shock, asking her why and how she could do this to us, etc. this just made her more sad and feel guilty, so eventually she started coming up with reasons to justify her decision, what where they? the way I acted after she broke up with me!, talking about a paradox.

 

I have discovered that people can handle all kinds of emotions, but guilt is one that people will avoid at all costs, they handle it by shifting blame, denial, and finding things to justify there actions after-the-fact ! so dont make her feel guilty.

 

Dont beg, or say your sorry if you didnt do anything wrong. just give her, space and time, and if she loves you, she will call, dont be impatient .

 

good luck.

[sisterlynch]

Let her be for a while. She probably still means all that stuff she said, it is just too big for her to think of everything at once. Let her make her way in the police force for a while and let her like her job and do it well.

 

After some time she will come around. Just get used to being alone, there is nothing that you can do right now, anyway. Read a good book and relax.

[SwingFox]

Hi empty,

 

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I hope for you that this 'break' is not indefinite. I understand that this situation is hurting you a lot.

 

The worst situation is the uncertaintenty you find yourself in. Will she come back at all? When? In a week? In a month? Longer? thereforeeeeeee it might be a good idea for you to make a plan for yourself. What works for you? What do you enjoy most? Try to set your mind to other things. I know it's easier said then done, believe me.

 

Do you have friends that you can talk to? Talking about your problems and your situation will definitely benefit you. People might ask you to go out with them, to set your mind to other things, too. I live by a rule in life: "The only obligation YOU have in life, is the obligation for YOU to be happy. If YOU are not happy, YOU cannot make someone else happy!" Keep that rule in sight and try to live up to it. it's important to have that someone in your life that you care for, but it's even more important being able to meet your needs right next to the needs from those that you really care for.

 

I hope that this helped you and I wish you good luck and strength to go through this very difficult period in your life.

 

~ SwingFox ~