Starting to remember some things

[bungalo]

She bought concert tickets for us just days before she broke up again. How well planned out could it have been? Dunno Guess it doesn't really matter. I really want to say some things to her that I am remembering...and some stuff I've held back. THe fact that she would always have an excuse when I tried to her to get her to hang out or do stuff with my friends and family members. The fact that she used the fact that I left my second wife as justification for leaving me. She has left every single guy she's ever been with except one. Probably 5 total. THe difference now is I know we're not getting back together ever. Before I would hold back because I didn't want to ruin my future chances.

[iBroken]

Bad loss on the concert tix

 

My ex had bought us a trip to vegas for my Birthday cause "I was worth it"

 

We broke up on Sunday and were set to leave for Vegas on THursday.

 

Needless to say, we didnt go. I wasnt worth it after all

[bungalo]

NOt to diminish your loss or anything...but did she pay for the Vegas Trip a month before? A month is a good long while to shift around in your feelings or gear up for a breakup. Wiht my situation we're talking like 3 days before!! BTW Ibroken..we are ALL WORTH IT!

[browneyedgirl36]

Ugh -- sorry you had to go through that, bungalo. It sounds like she was/is all over the place -- like, she may have bought those tickets not even thinking about breaking up, and then two days later, her fickle mind snapped to breaking up.

 

My ex's previous ex allowed him to take her on an expensive trip to another continent when she knew she was going to leave him. Granted, they had been having problems for months (this was their third time trying the relationship), and he knew their relationship was seriously on the rocks. I think maybe he thought the trip would help -- I don't know. ONE day after they returned -- ONE day -- she left him. She allowed him to take her on a very expensive trip (as opposed to letting him go alone and getting a refund on her ticket OR taking a friend or family member with him) and then broke up with him. This is the same woman who left him in the midst of a serious medical issue he was experiencing. Nice. The kicker? He's still madly in love with her. Ugh. I never had a chance...

 

I think what you're dealing with, bungalo, is someone with a very, very rocky relationship history who has a tendency to act impulsively. I know you love her, but at some point, love is trumped by the need for self-preservation. You need -- and deserve -- better. I hope that if you ever consider taking her back yet again that you really, really think about everything very carefully and remember her track record and her patterns in relationships. She is not an emptionally healthy person and is not good relationship material.

[bungalo]

I will not take her back. Even if my heart leads me to. I was having horrible nightmares (about her dumping me again) the whole time we were together during round three, and they were shaking me to the core. I do want to let her know that I will never get back with her. I know actions speak, but I feel it might be therapeutic to tell her. During the last breakup talk I told her things like I will keep fighting for you, and I probably won't give up...etc...I have had a come to Jesus epiphany since then and have decided 3 times and 6 years is enough.

[pumpkinmoon]

For me it makes a difference in dealing with all of this when you realise that you actually don't want the person they are.

 

There are parts of me that want him, but I know they are false feelings. When I ask my brain if I want him, it tells me no. I simply do not want to be with someone who can treat me that way. The worst is the lies. I cannot stand liars, give me a cheat over a liar any day.

 

If he knocked on my door now, I don't know. If I did take him back it would only be so I wouldn't have to deal with this pain right now not because the relationship will make me happy.

[Hell_On_Heels]

Thing is, the trust is completely broken. Maybe we need to re-learn how to trust ourselves. We are much more deserving of it...just my thoughts this morning.

[pumpkinmoon]

Yeah my ex didn't understand that by leaving the first time, that the trust was gone. He just though trust had to do with trusting someone not to cheat. Not at all!

[iBroken]

NOt to diminish your loss or anything...but did she pay for the Vegas Trip a month before? A month is a good long while to shift around in your feelings or gear up for a breakup. Wiht my situation we're talking like 3 days before!! BTW Ibroken..we are ALL WORTH IT!

 

She booked the trip at the end of April

[Hell_On_Heels]

Not that this is a contest, but....mine referred to himself as "happily married" a few weeks before he asked for the divorce. Three days before he asked me, he posted that he "was ready to grab the world by the balls". The day before he asked me, life was normal...and then, I deleted him from my Facebook account in a fit of fury. I immediately told him and apologized for it (it wasn't my most mature moment). But, he said the damage was done, and it was over.

 

I didn't see it coming, and I should have. He had been making me into the bad guy for a few months, and attributing nothing but the worst motives to my behavior. My response? To shut inside myself to think it through and understand what was happening. My shutting in always drove him nuts, so it didn't help my cause any.

 

After all that rambling, my point is that if they were rational people making life decisions with serious intent and consideration, they wouldn't have handled the breakup they way they did.

[bungalo]

Thanks HOW and I. I did send her an email the next day about how she turned on a dime. No response. No surprise there. I know I can't go through the nightmares and insecurity of her turning tail again. It just seems so odd because we were doing so well. I guess some people's panic takes hold WHEN things are going well. A thought I'm entertaining is she felt pressure to maintain this steady upbeat period in the rel/ship.

What's wrong with me? It's a lot more muted than before, but I still miss her and want to talk to her and see her...but not because I hope for a recon.

[SmilingKatty]

I envy you bungalo To be so decisive about not wanting her back...

 

My ex refused to make any future plans two weeks before the breakup (pity I didn´t take it as a hint...). I would actually like to know how much sooner has he decided to end the relationship... But as it is, I will probably never know...

[Philos]

I know how it goes man... We had sex probably twice in the last week we were together... she took me to the sex shop about a week before dumping me... She bought my clothes and groceries even the day before dumping me... And poof.