I'm being manipulated, help!

[Radeon]

For the last 20 or so days, I've been NC with my ex of 3 years. She dumped me, started seeing other people and wanted to stay in contact, but I told her that I couldn't be her friend while she was sleeping with other people, and that I needed to heal and get over the relationship. I didn't give her a chance to put up opposition to my decision, I just went NC -- the same way she did when she dumped me.

 

She broke NC yesterday around 2pm, sending me a text asking, "Can we talk?" I didn't reply and went on with my day. I came home from work around 6:00, and I was browsing facebook, when I was suddenly kicked out. I tried logging in again, only to be told that there was no account attached to my email address. Around 5 minutes later, my blackberry told me that I needed to update my email passwords. I was going crazy checking everything until I realized, she hacked my email and my facebook accounts!

 

I went through the steps to get them back under my control and changed all of the passwords, etc. Then I texted her and said, "hey sorry, I just got home. Did you need something?" She gave me pretty angry responses and said, "I HAVE YOUR FACEBOOK AND YOUR GMAIL FIXED, GOOD LUCK."

 

I was the bigger person and just told her that i'm sorry that she chose to break up with me, but I forgive her for hurting me. I just want to get on with my life. She calmed down, I said goodbye. She asked me if we could talk again soon, I said no.

 

She texts me around 4pm today telling me that she's watching "our movie" and that she thought i should know. I ignore it. An hour later, she sends another message saying, "I love you! Acknowledge me, please! I love you baby do you miss me?!"

 

I was just hoping someone could shed some light on what she wants from me and why she's doing this. Better yet, what's the best way to go about it? I still love her, and every message she sends me makes me so anxious. I don't even know how to act when she does. I feel happy and sad at the same time. Im confused!

[pumpkinmoon]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. She's sick for hacking your accounts! I'd ignore her and even change your number. She's trying to edge back in and when she's in, she'll just take off again. Keep the control.

[TakingtheBlame]

This girl has SERIOUS issues. Was she this volatile and did she invade your privacy like this while you two were dating? Personally I think she is mentally unstable and always wants what she can't have...she leaves you when she can have you and then wants you back when she can't. Doesn't sound like she knows what a relationship is, and is just selfish and likes the thrill of the chase. If you take her back she'll get bored and just leave again. Move on and find someone mature and stable.

[moving]

For me, there are a couple of hard boundaries. The first is that you don't have the right to snoop in the electronic accounts of current or former significant others without their knowledge or permission. The second is, after a relationship is over, EITHER person can ask for NC, and the other person MUST respect that. Maybe I'm too hardcore, but I find breaking either of these rules completely unacceptable -- especially the first. Since your ex seems unable to follow either, I'd advise you to try your best to cut ties, as you seem to be doing.

 

As for why she's doing it - I suspect that she freaked out a bit when she realized that you were moving on and tried to get back in touch to see if you were still an option for her. Dumpers can sometimes go a bit crazy if they still have feelings and realize it's not an option for them to come back. It doesn't excuse her behavior, though.

[DN]

What do you want from her if anything?

[FootofGod]

You should just straight up tell her "if you love me, acting like a child like this isn't the way to show it" if you say anything at all. That may be inferior to just ignoring her, but seriously. Sometimes you have to treat children like children.

[michaelhopes]

Is she still running around boinking other guys to get over the fact that she dumped you?

[Radeon]

Is she still running around boinking other guys to get over the fact that she dumped you?

 

lmao, apparently.

[pumpkinmoon]

lmao, apparently.

 

YUK! Stay away, don't want to catch anything!

[michaelhopes]

Sometimes relationship advice is simple and obvious.......

The best I've heard was from Jay Leno. Leno has been married for 30+ years and when asked what the secret to a lasting relationship was he said "First you have to start with someone normal"

A lot of us guys on these forums hook up with mental wrecks because we figure we can work around her craziness , the situation is somehow fixable down the road, or we dont think that we can do better......

What we fail to understand before its too late is this usually is the fast track to ruining or wasting a significant portion of our lives.

Sometimes we fail to realize how psycho she really is.......

Like drown your kids in the bathtub psycho.......

Think about it.......

[Radeon]

I realize that my ex doesn't want to be with me, and that she's manipulating me into talking to her because she wants me for comfort. She wants to feel like what she did wasn't a bad idea, and that I still love her. She's down in life right now, so she's looking for me for comfort (she's even admitted it and told me that she finds comfort in me). But, I know the minute I give it to her, and she feels better, and/or she gets back on her feet she's going to bolt again.

 

She's looking for justification for her poor life decisions, and she's looking for them in me. I went NC since we last talked, like I told her I would, and she hasn't reached out since yesterday, which is good.

 

I know the best thing to do would be to just let her go because she has serious issues, but part of me still loves her. I guess I'm not fishing for advice as I am just reassurance that I'm making the right decision in just letting her be free and moving on with my life.

 

Right?

[Radeon]

What the hell.

I've completely ignored all of her texts but she just WON'T STOP. She sent me another text tonight saying, "I'm at a birthday party and they just played this song we used to listen to. I miss you baby, im sure you're out tonight, have fun!"

 

What the hell does she want from me? I want to break NC so bad and just tell her to STOP messaging me, I'm not her "baby" after she dumped me to be with someone else, and I never will be again. I'm so much better off when I don't know what she's doing or if she even still exists.

 

What should I do?

[Ms Darcy]

 

What should I do?

 

Block her number.

[Radeon]

Block her number.

 

I tried, my phone company doesn't support number blocking. Also, it's an extra $100 service charge to change my number, and I don't have that kind of money to just throw out.

 

If anyone's been in a situation like this, is it generally a bad idea to break NC and tell her to leave me alone?

[Cadence44]

If anyone's been in a situation like this, is it generally a bad idea to break NC and tell her to leave me alone?

 

I'm going to say yes, that it is a bad idea and that you should not contact her with your wishes. She does not seem the type to respect anything that you ask of her if it's not what she wants. And right now she wants to know that you're still there waiting for her on the back burner.

 

Since you can't block her number, you could do a few things:

 

a) Can you fake that you've changed your number? I've heard of someone that pulled this off successfully. First, you'd have to change your outgoing voicemail message to a generic one, because she will probably try calling after you do the next step. The next step can only happen immediately after the next text you receive. You'd respond with "This phone number is no longer in service" only once and then back to silence.

 

Of course, this strategy wouldn't work well if she's able to verify your number through mutual friends or something.

 

b) Or you could sit back in silence and do nothing since you know what she's up to. It could be a good time to watch her self-destruct a bit more each time she doesn't get a reply. You'd have to make sure that you wouldn't be tempted to respond since she would probably try every trick in the book to bait you to respond.

 

c) Or have a garage sale to raise the funds to change your number.

[Radeon]

Thanks for the advice. I think I'm gonna try B first, then do A.. If that doesn't work, then C!

 

Here's just an example of what I'm going through. She JUST texted me again:

 

i wish so badly that we could just get in bed and kiss and cry and snuggle this all away. i miss you so badly. i cling onto things that remind me of us so tightly. I live for the memories we shared. I love you. As I have before and always will.

[Cadence44]

Thanks for the advice. I think I'm gonna try B first, then do A.. If that doesn't work, then C!

 

Here's just an example of what I'm going through. She JUST texted me again:

 

i wish so badly that we could just get in bed and kiss and cry and snuggle this all away. i miss you so badly. i cling onto things that remind me of us so tightly. I live for the memories we shared. I love you. As I have before and always will.

 

Sounds like a plan. Sheesh, she's really laying it on thick!

[Radeon]

yeah she is.. I just don't understand why, and I really wish I did.

 

She did this to us, and I hurt because I respected her decision to not be with me anymore. I went through a month of the worst pain i've ever felt, and she feels like she can walk right back in because she feels like it?

 

I don't ever want to be with her again, and she's forcing herself into my life. I hate it.

[Hell_On_Heels]

Can you change your phone number? I know it's a pain...but maybe this is a BIGGER pain?

[DN]

By the way - people can only manipulate you if you allow them to do so.

[learning2relax]

Take the high road and if you want her back keep it up until she decides that she is going to stop with the childish acts and grow up. She just can't yank you around like she is. Not fair to you and after a while you would tire of it and break up with her. Yikes!

[Radeon]

By the way - people can only manipulate you if you allow them to do so.

 

While I do agree with this, I feel like she's done some pretty drastic things to make sure I talk to her. She hijacked my email account. Not only do my personal emails come in here, my business related emails do as well. She thought I'd have no choice but to ask her to give me back the password.

[Radeon]

Another text.... ugh this is becoming so sickening.

 

"Just got out of work. I had top sales tonight and made 136 dollars. Thought you might be proud of me. I love you. I was talking about you all day

 

I feel like I really have to say something to her and just tell her that she CANT be doing this, and that if she continues im just going to change my number.

[Hell_On_Heels]

Yes. Take your power back. Change your number.

[Cadence44]

"Just got out of work. I had top sales tonight and made 136 dollars. Thought you might be proud of me. I love you. I was talking about you all day

 

Continue to ignore. If you let her know that you care about what she has to say and whether she contacts you it will give her an ego boost, even if what you are telling her is negative. She'll know that she has the ability to get to you. Since she is so childish, it will just egg her on.

 

I know it's hard but I think you need to just continue to ignore what she sends. Can you just delete them without reading when you see it's a message from her?