Radeon

Dear F, I can't stop thinking about you. It's been a pretty uneventful weekend because I've been off of work, and I feel like all I can do recently is just sit and think about you. Certain things are happening in my life, and it makes me realize that maybe you weren't so wrong to be upset about the lives we were living. I wish so much that I could go back in the past and change everything, but I know I can't. What's done is done, but I'll walk away from this knowing that I never gave up. When you walked out of my life and told me that you were never coming back, I was depressed. I couldn't sleep, and I couldn't even eat. I skipped work a for few days because I just felt like i needed to scream, but I forgave you. I always told you that distance would end this relationship, and I was right. You couldn't handle it; you gave up on me and you let everything go. I wish you'd walk back into my life again and really put in the effort. You promised me forever and you lied. You've changed so much though, you've become an alcoholic. You were with me and you could never stand the taste of alcohol, but now you drink 4-6 times a week. You always blame it on me, saying that you do it to get rid of your problems, and it makes you stop thinking about me. You met your new boyfriend at the bar; i hope you're both happy. I snuck onto your facebook and I looked at the pictures from your 21st birthday; the one when you refused to be with me because you wanted to "have a party." I'm glad you had your party, including the 3 guys that were all over you in every single picture. I love you, and I miss you so much... but you'll never change. I hope one day you realize what you've given up, and you realize what you've lost. You slept with another man 7 times, starting the day after we broke up and I can never forgive you for that. I love you so much, and I want so bad to forgive you, but I know I deserve someone who will never do that to me. You promised me that you'd never be with anyone besides me, and you were with him. I hate you for that. I don't forgive you yet, but I will eventually. I'll forgive you when I don't love you anymore. I know it's coming, i can feel it. I dream about you every night, and I dream of being with you. I dream of you coming out and telling me that you want to make it work and that you're really going to try this time. I know they're just dreams, and I know it's just my hope playing games with me. I know you'll never change, and I'll forgive you for the way you hurt me, but I'll never let you into my heart again.