Eh..so maybe the dating life is not for me..

[Sweets4u42]

Hey guys! I'm back...but with a need for specific advice. I'm sure the girls could help here, but I'm more interested in a guy's perspective.

 

So here's the story:

I think I'm ready to break up with my boyfriend. I've been thinking about it a lot, and I'm just not happy anymore. I know this is what I want, and I think both he and I will be better off separated. But what I am totally confused about, is how to do it. I read all these web sites with how-to's, lines, etc. but none of them will fit.

My boyfriend is very dependent, and he is very obsessed. He doesn't take the fact of us parting or not seeing each other every day very easily. In fact, I went away with my father for an overnight trip not too loong ago, and he called me that night crying, wishing I'd come come blah blah blah. He calls me every night, he makes me promise I will see him the next day, and has a huge fit and tries to make me feel guilty if/when I can't come over for more than 1 hour.. it seems like sarcasm but it really isn't.

One day, I brought this up with him, that I would like a small break of maybe 3 or 4 days. And I really did mean a break, just some alone time where I could really think about us and everything, where I didn't have to come over every night and talk to him all day. It wasn't as if I couldn't talk to him at all, well, you get my point.

He didnt take it easily. He cried, and cried...and cried.. and said I was going to leave him, and that he could never think of life without me, and tried to make me feel guilty...and i almost felt like punching him! Saying "Dude! 3 days will not kill you..I think you can handle it!"

But..no such luck, I have just been feeling miserable the past week, and we are getting into a lot of arguments, and I know I want to end it. But he is so obsessive and dependent.

Could anyone give me advice about a clean break-up?

(It might help to add that we live exteremely close, a 5 minute walking distance, and we have been going out for 8 months. Oh, and I'm going away for 11 days on the 2nd of July.)

Please, any advice would help.

[das420]

From a male perspective here is what I would do.

 

Get to the point, and make it brief. You will feel guilty for a while, but it will hurt him a lot less in the end than if you linger. I am on a "break" (yeah right) with my ex. I am almost to the point where I wish she would've said " it's over goodbye", instead of calling me and seeing me frequently. It will seem cruel at first, but in the end he'll be better off. Initiate NC pronto. You are the dumper and it is up to you to initiate contact if/when you want to. Thats just my opinion.

[Turboz]

Yeah I'm with the quick, swift, dump action.

 

Your man is going to put you on a guilt trip no matter what you try so you have 2 options. 1) Long hard drawn out way which makes you feel un-happy and he puts you on a big guilt trip. 2) Quick swift brutal approach that will still get you the guilt trip but it will be less.

 

He will try not to take no for an answer and still try every trick in his book to hang onto you. You must be strong and tell him that he is making you feel down with his obsession an his guilt trips and that you cannot cope with it and it's not fair to you. Quick, Swift, and brutal to any relationship. If his desire to have you still remains after that then you may have a more serious obsession problem on your hands. He should just get the message but if he doesn't come back here for more advice.

 

-Jamie

AKA Turboz.

[Aceshighdrummer]

well i am kinda young Lol but i would break up with a girl (guy in ur perspective) if she called me every day and made sure we saw each other ad is that obsessive i dunno i am really young i saying thi but tell him u should just be friends

[EatZ]

I don't think there's anything wrong with a man who wants to be with his girl every day, or that's somewhat "possessive". I'm that way when I'm deeply in love with someone. I'd hope my lover would find it flattering to be so wanted...

 

... But crying, obsessing and guilt tripping?? Dear oh dear.

 

Like the others have said, you need to put him out of his misery. Don't draw it out any longer. I can personally vouch for the slow and seemingly less-hurtful method, and it's the most painful thing I have endured to date. Don't do that to him.

 

This break-up will hurt him greatly. It's obvious that he's needy and emotionally dependant, but this will be a positive move for the both of you. He'll grow from this and learn to be stronger and less "clingy" or "smothering".

 

He won't see this now, and I know this won't make breaking up any easier for you, but you're doing him a favour in the long run.

[Celadon]

Well, it would help if you don't make him feel like a total toad. And try to do it face to face, if you can. Tell him you've valued the past eight months, that you feel you could talk to him about almost anything, but that you need to break up with him because things aren't working out and you're unhappy. Go ahead and reassure him that there are many things you like about him, but be firm that this is your final decision. Let him cry for a bit, listen to him, but then tell him you need to leave. Good luck.

[deebee]

Yep, just tell him straight and don't draw it out. Sounds like you've made up your mind to break so get it over with - it will be best for you both in the long run! From what you've described, he will take it badly whatever happens. And don't say 'but we can still be friends', that's a real twist of the knife from the guy's point of view. Break up and then 'do' no contact until you have sorted your feelings out. You may or may not want to get in touch again. Sounds like he will try to cling on so you will have to be strong. Good luck!