Love and hate, is it really a fine line?

[Ascending]

The saying goes that there's a fine line between love and hate.

 

I wonder though, what does this actually mean? I think I have an idea of it.

 

 

In my opinion, there are different kinds of love and hate. Like the love between a parent and their child, or the love between siblings, or the love in a relationship. Same goes with hatred, which I think is the effect from cause, and whatever that cause is, affects the kind of hatred it is.

 

For example, in my relationship, my ex dumped me due cause I cheated on her one night. I confessed to her the next day and hoped for forgiveness. She hates me, and I hate myself for it too cause it was the biggest mistake I've made and it hurt someone I loved.

 

At first, I thought she hated me cause I disappointed her, because she loved me and I did this to her. At this point, I can sort of see the fine line between love and hate. She should be over me by now, seeing as how she's dated a few guys and one relationship is quite serious right now, and I wonder, if she still hates me, it must be that she hates me as a person, not just for the fact that I disappointed her, but also for the fact that I'm something she shares a hatred for, which is in this case a cheater. Like at this point, whether or not she's indifferent to me or hates me, I think it doesn't matter because her hatred is justified and not akin to love at all.

 

I used to be hopeful in thinking that if she hates me, she must be holding onto me, and there could always be a chance for reconciliation. Now I think that her hatred is purely out of hatred for my existence. Well, I know she hates me cause that's what some people have told me, like she talks trash about me, and I figure it can't be because she still holds any positive feelings for me.

 

 

I'm starting to think, the opposite of love may be indifference but only for some cases, and that sometimes hatred is justified without love having to be present. That's just my opinion, I'd like to hear what others think.

[Gullible]

What people can't get over is wishing you wanted them. When you wanted her, it made her feel good about herself. When you cheated on her, she couldn't base her self-esteem on your relationship anymore. So even though she doesn't want you anymore, it still hurts her that you wanted someone else instead of her. When she stops caring what you think, or when she has something else to make her feel good about herself, then she probably won't hate you anymore.

[mca1975]

The thin line between love and hate means that love and hate can be the same thing. To hate someone is to also feel a lot of emotion towards that person. To not feel is too feel indifferent as in "not bothered" and not caring.

 

That is why so many people who hate are really masking a wealth of feelings towards a particular person.

 

To be over someone fully is not to hate, it is to be indifferent.

 

I learnt this lesson many years ago when my boyfriend died. We had had an argument two days prior and I shouted down the phone that I hated him, we never got to make up and he died without me saying that wasn't true. My doctor, who is a lovely woman, always told me after that, that love and hate are one and the same thing, because they are both full of emotion. A lesson well learnt.

[Ascending]

She has someone else, for at least 6 months now as far as I can tell. Why she still felt some form of hatred for me, I couldn't understand at all, that's why I came up with this.

 

The girl I cheated on her with is nothing in comparison to my ex, it wasn't even in my intention to cheat, cause the girl who came up to me and kissed me was drunk and had already kissed like 3 other guys, and then 2 more after me. If I were to compare my cheating with the act of killing, it's more like involuntary manslaughter than 1st degree murder, but killing is still killing, someone ends up dead, and likewise to cheating, someone ends up hurt.

[Nixee]

I can agree that the opposite of love truly isn't hate, but is indifference.

 

What I think is meant by the thin line between love and hate.... well... I find myself muttering this one sometimes, and most often for me it is said in times of passion.

 

Great love can so often bring the possibility of great disappointment. When a moment like that happens.... the snap, the burn...the "how could he/she DO this... how could this moment be real???? They wouldn't let me down like this?" ... At least for a moment, nearly instantly... feelings of intense love may flash to "hate". Hence, a saying - "a thin line...."

 

In reality... love has not truly gone anywhere in most cases. Hate is a temporary replacement for love - when you are simply unable to love, because you are unable to forgive an action, or a choice the person has made. If you let go of the hate, you can turn it back into love...or fade into indifference. The choice is yours.

[pl3asehelp]

It's not a fine line. It's a line pointing in two totally opposite directions. They're both extremely strong emotions, but still opposing each other.

[KileOriginal]

Dude, just read The Scarlet Letter.

[misssmithviii]

It's not a fine line. It's a line pointing in two totally opposite directions. They're both extremely strong emotions, but still opposing each other.

 

I agree, and also agree that indifference and apathy are opposite as well.

 

I hated my ex for cheating on me and beating me up - I sure as heck didn't love him anymore! After I hated him for a couple months, I just didn't care anymore. That's when he lost his mind. He couldn't stand how nonchalantly I would dismiss his existence.

[unknown100]

I have nothing but hate for my ex-boyfriend who wronged me very very deeply. I think right now I will always hate him. Though many people tell me indifference is more powerful, I am not sure about that. I think people dislike being hated. You clearly dislike being hated by your ex. I am not sure if my ex cares either way, becuase I think he cares of himself more than anyone else, and can let it slip right over his shoulder. I keep thinking that if he loved me at some point, he would care that I hate him....but I think that was only temporary. I suspect he moved on to indifference - and I am stuck in hate/anger/etc.

 

The only problem with hate is that it takes energy. So, at some point hating someone may actually hurt yourself. Though that has not persuaded me in the least to stop hating him. I can honestly say I have never hated anyone more, or even felt hate like this before. Maybe somewhere in his head or even mine, it is like I care about him - hating him is holding on, and indifference is like not caring (which should feel worse?) They both feel pretty bad on the receiving end. To me, when you are really hurt and angry, indifference is a lot more work than hating. And in the beginning I think they both take energy - just that early on, I think the indifference is faking it - faking like you don't care to empower yourself over your enemy. It doesn't mean indifference at all - just on the outside. With time, indifference may be healthier, because by lifting the focus onto yourself, you will probably accomplish something -as opposed to loosing a bunch of energy in hate and gaining nothing for yourself.

 

She maybe does hold on to you a bit, she probably did care about you at one point, and those emotions are not forgotten - but she has promised herself maybe that she will never go back to you because of what you did, so there would never be a chance. Inside, she may have never forgiven you either, and that is why she has enough resentment to expend the energy to talk smack about you. She feels you wronged her (though to me 1 cheating incident is better than the sick excessive number my ex did). As a matter of principle perhaps she will stay "hating" you - but deep down, she is probably putting less into this than you think. Otherwise, (and this is an assumption) she would not have been able to have successful relationships you mention, etc. She might be holding on to what the two of you were and what she lost, that's the hardest part I think of tumultuous relationships (the good part was always powerful), but she won't reconcile - becuase she would going back on her word, and she doesn't think what you did is forgivable. She may not hate you, but is justifying that in her head. These are just guesses.

[shrinkisdead]

I learnt this lesson many years ago when my boyfriend died. We had had an argument two days prior and I shouted down the phone that I hated him, we never got to make up and he died without me saying that wasn't true. My doctor, who is a lovely woman, always told me after that, that love and hate are one and the same thing, because they are both full of emotion. A lesson well learnt.

 

 

I am so sorry to hear a story like this, I am sure you have heard that a million times. Is that person why you are here?

[Ascending]

It honestly does seem like she did forget about all of the good things between us. If she didn't, I just don't know how she can continue to hate me and not forgive me, or that's what it seems like. If she doesn't hate me for that, then I dunno what she hates me so much for.

 

Remember the recall on Toyota cars because the brakes were bad? There was a case where a man killed like 3 people in a car crash and he blamed it on the brakes, and he was very sorry and crying his eyes out and asking for forgiveness. If my mother were involved in that accident, I would forgive him. I'd be angry at first, but I'd let it go.

 

Truthfully, I don't want her to hate me. I did make a mistake, and I did hurt her for it. I'd rather she forgive me and feel indifferent than to hate me as much as she does now. Maybe then, we can work on being friends someday, because how can you be friends with someone you hate deeply?

[misssmithviii]

I can feel indifferent without forgiving someone (ie my ex). Perhaps she'll never forgive you, nor ever feel indifferent and maybe she'll stop hating you - but no matter how she feels about you, nothing guarantees she'll ever be friends with you again. I don't mean to sound harsh, I am trying to give you a more realistic perspective so you don't get your hopes high.

 

Let it go... let her go.

[Gullible]

It honestly does seem like she did forget about all of the good things between us.

 

 

 

Maybe she thinks back on the "good times" and now remembers them bitterly. Instead of thinking "I remember the time we spent the weekend together and I felt so loved", maybe she thinks "I remember the time we spent the weekend together and he was lying to me the entire time, I was such a fool."

[Ascending]

I really wonder what the real reason is that she hates me. Even though I cheated, she did try her best to still be with me for like 3 weeks before she ultimately ended it, and I too tried my best to do whatever I can for her and repent for what I did. It was a time where I was at my lowest in terms of depression, a lot of crappy things were happening all at once.

After she broke up with me, I still tried to pursue her for about a week until I finally got the message, and understood it's really over. It finally sank in.

A few weeks after that, she calls me up cause she needed help with buying some electronics, something I have quite a bit of knowledge, so I met up with her, gave her some recommendations and it was all fine and I lent her some money too and offered to walk her home, just making sure she's safe cause she's carrying like $1300 of equipment. I only collected 2/3 of what I lent her, the 1/3, I didn't even bother because it felt like she didn't care enough to wanna give it back to me, and it was sort of a pride thing to me, and I figured since I did her wrong and all, the least I can do is let her just keep it seeing as how it was my mistake. It also looked like she found someone new on her facebook, and that's when I went complete NC.

 

Months later when I met her, she was friendly when she greeted me. I was somewhat friendly too, I wasn't openly bitter or anything like that, but I didn't make any effort in talking to her openly. It seemed like she was trying to make me jealous that day cause it was a mutual friend's party, so she was hitting on other guys and such, and whenever she made an effort to talking to me, it was seriously like she forgot about me, like we were on the topic of birthdays and she forgot my birthday, here's the worst part, not only did she forget my birthday, she mistaken my birthday for the birthday of my deceased friend, which I thought was really disrespectful. I was friendly with everyone, while I was leaving, all the guys gave me a bro-hug, I received no bye from her, but I just yelled 'good bye' to everyone in general, that was more or less aimed at her.

 

 

One of my friends told me something interesting. One reason she might hate me is because I went NC completely, as if I'm able to let go of her so easily (even though she broke up with me...) or it could be because of what I had become, which was a cheater, though I really hate to be labeled that because that's not who I am, it was a one time mistake and I would say that's probably the greatest lesson I've ever learned, the second greatest lesson I learned aside from that was not to take friends or family for granted, because they can die any day which I learned after my friend passed away.

 

Depending on what it is she hates me for, I think if I knew what it was, I'd finally get some closure. At this point, it's too late for us, I realized that now. I always wondered if she regretted breaking up, I used to think she didn't feel a thing, and then I was happy to hear she hated me, and now I wonder if her hate stems from love or is it the opposite of love. Once I get my closure from this, I'll bury everything deep within my heart and move on finally.