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Communication issues? Did I say something negative?


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This guy and I have been dating to about 6 weeks now.... all seem fine and we are going slow. But this is our conversation today:


Him: One of my patients are so angry at me, she just doesn't like what I do.


Me: Well, people do come to you and usually sick so they will lash at whoever they can


Him: Yeah, then I become a target.


Me: Well may be it's a good training ground for your own patience.


Him: Talking to you sometimes is also a training ground to be patience.


Me: Well, if talking to me is a training ground for you to be patient, I think we have a big problem here.


Him: "We have a big issue, over", remember that in the movie Apollo 10


Me: Yes, that's exactly what Tom Hanks says.....


So his comment about patient with me when we are talking, is that a joke? Was he offended by what I said previously? There is something wrong here, otherwise he would not have said that.


In the past, he has told me why I keep on repeating what he says, sometimes I repeat just to make sure I understand it and then we would say "I just said that".


Guess we are having communication problems?

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^ I laughed too.


Did you say something negative? No, I don't think so. I think you looked so much for something positive that he was just trying to end the small rant he was having. lol. Sometimes people say things and they aren't really looking for follow through other than something like "oh yeah. that sucks."


just my take.

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Yeh what richpart said. It also depends on his facial expressions, eye movements and overall body language.


I don't think you said anything negative, but i think you may have taken what he said to you negatively so thats why he made the 'we have a big issue, over' comment. Because you didn't understand what he meant.

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Sounded like he was the one who took it the wrong way. You were just saying that his patients projecting their issues onto him was good practice for being patient, essentially, and he was the one who added that *you* were good practice for being patient. If anyone said something offensive, it was him.


If he was joking, he'd probably have laughed or seemed light-hearted, but if he said it in a normal voice, he was probably throwing you a barb. Then, for him to joke about it when you were serious was also a barb.


I would ask him point blank what's up. Sounds like he's being passive-aggressive. People like this piss me off. I rather someone be direct than throw barbs like that. That's what my ex fiance did and I am so glad to be away from it!

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Me: Well may be it's a good training ground for your own patience.


Him: Talking to you sometimes is also a training ground to be patience.



See, I took this as being rather condescending and a little patronising.


When we are talking to a partner, or friend or someone that we are dating about a difficult situation we are experiencing, we are looking for support in our actions... "I'm sure you'll figure it out", "it'll all be okay" or "sounds like your patient is having trouble with...". We are looking for a united front against the issue.


By putting it back onto us..."You can learn from this", "maybe if you were better at this" or "If you had trained at this you could have better answered it." He was trying to destress with your help - a united front as I mentioned - but instead what he got was someone telling him that he wasn't good enough, he could be better and needed to learn from this experience.


I've been in a relationship where this was the case. Don't kick me while I'm already hurting or stressed, be there for me. I'm not surprised at his reaction.

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Yeah, I took what you said to mean, "Hey, guess what, you need work on being patient anyway," and so, of course he's going to say something snotty back. Especially since he was in the middle of a rant and you were trying to make this a learning experience moment.


I also tend to snap at people when I'm just trying to vent and they're all, "See? This is GOOD for you!" No, no it's not, bugger.

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