I don't know how to deal with this now...

[Sweets4u42]

I've had some problems with my boyfriend but not quite like this in the past. We've been going out for a little over 8 months now, and we are very open with each other. The communication is great, except for certain topics, like my ex-boyfriend. My ex was abusive, and although my mom is making see a psychaitrist (for reasons other than my ex), I would rather talk to my boyfriend because I trust him and love him so much. But every time I bring it up, I don't feel like i'm saying anything really.. He either 1)gets quiet and changes the subject or 2)blows up and threatens to tell my mom. I really want to talk to him about what I'm going through and how I'm feeling but I don't know how to go into it deeper and still be confidential.

(It might help to add that this is the only thing that I can't talk to him about, we are very open with each other other than this...)

[Gilgamesh]

hello Sweet4u42

 

This is something he cannot handle ok, he does not know what to say or how to react.

 

Do not bring up any details about your past with him, it is bothering him.

 

The important thing is the present, how you are now, and with him, you will lose your BF if you keep bringing up the past like this.

 

Beside it being uncomfortable for him, he has no experience on how to handle it.

 

He is in love with you, who you are now, and thats all thats important, you need to leave the past ,in the past its gone and will never come back, the only thing thats real, is the present, make the best of it, because it will not come back.

[Sweets4u42]

see that's the thing, I know he loves me now, and he loves me for who i am, but i have all this that is bottling up inside of me, and i've been cutting, and my psychiatrist says that i might be depressed, and i dont want to talk to anyone but him because he makes me feel so conforatable, and i just..yeah

[Celadon]

I totally agree with Gilgamesh. Your issues with your ex are more than your bf can handle. He could listen, that's true, but I think you're expecting waaay more than is healthy. You do have a shrink, so that's good. Also, if you don't have close girlfriends, I'd suggest you spend some time developing some. Girls are so much better at handling emotional issues (for one thing, we're more interested in them). Don't burden your bf. Just enjoy your relationship and channel most of your negative thoughts and emotions elsewhere. Good luck. P.S. Sorry to hear you've been cutting. I hope your depression or whatever starts to ease up. Take care, okay?

[Sweets4u42]

thanks..

[Sweets4u42]

why is he freaking out about this all of a sudden then? all through our relationships, he's been so supportive, but its only this..i dont know what to do

[Gilgamesh]

Overload, he is someone that loves you, ok, but you are dumping all this on him, he cannot help you.

 

You see us guys are different then girls, we are problem solvers, girls are listeners, when a guy hears a problem he wants to fix it, when sometimes all the girl want of him is to listen and be supportive.

 

He is too young for all this, do talk with your counselor ok, let it all out on him/her. but with your BF, keep details to a minimum. at least in this area.

[Celadon]

He's freaking out because he feels inadequate. He can't solve your problem. He wants you to feel happy, but since you keep telling him about your problems, he feels he's incapable of helping you become happier. Maybe one of the guys here could explain it better, but that's what I think it is.

 

And you know, as tough as your situation is (your past, that is) and as much as you want him to understand you, it's not his responsibility to fix things. It's not that he doesn't care, it's that he truly can't handle it anymore. Ease off on him, if you can, so you can continue to have a happy relationship.